New Umbrella Term for Afflictions that Affect the Unsaved--AGD

[Professor Bessemer]

AGD and You
What all True Christians™ Need to Know

Here at Landover Baptist University, our entire Scientheistic faculty is constantly working to make the lives of True Christians™ better. Interestingly, one of the ways we do this is by finding the causes of the afflictions of the unsaved.

Here, Dr. Ville works with a particularly virulent batch of Danish Urine.

Now, I know this may seem counterintuitive, but because the Lord blesses True Christians™ will almost perfect health, this forces us to study diseased heathens and crippled immigrants, among others.

Dr. Hamuel bravely works with retardeds, often actually touching them.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Because all sicknesses, injuries, birth defects, and the like are righteous punishments from God, my colleagues and I have come up with a blanket term for all of these affictions - - Angry God Disorder.

AGD refers to any and all imperfections that the Lord in His infinite wisdom has unleashed on those who reject Him. These include, but are certainly not limited to, the following: The AIDS, the GRIDS, gout, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, the diabetes, the cancer, club foot, goiters, psoriasis, Restless Leg Syndrome, lupus, endometriosis, polio, rickets, giardia, scurvy, dwarfism, lazy eye, the deafness, and nymphomania.

You may be wondering what there is left to study if God's wrath is the cause of all of these disorders. Well, to a layperson it may be enough to know that God smites all sinners who displease Him with some horrible disease or injury. But as Scientheists, we are driven to look deeper. Here at Landover Baptist University, mostly through interviews and anecdotal research, we are trying to link specific sins with specific punishments.

For instance, the whore pictured above has been righteously stricken by Lord with the mouth cancer. Through painstaking research, we have narrowed down the specific cause of her disease to two possibilities; Repeatedly taking the Lord's name in vain or uncountable acts of fellatio on complete strangers, both of which this unsaved slut has admitted to under intense interrogation.

Suffice to say that some of this work is quite unpleasant. Constant contact with the unsaved can be draining. But such is the dedication of the Landover Baptist University Department of Scientheism. We deal with the unsaved, so you do not have to. Glory!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: New Umbrella Term for Afflictions that Affect the Unsaved--AG

Thanks for that Professor. It really helps me to understand the ways of the Lord when an expert like you or a Pastor puts it in terms I can understand.

But I do have a question. I know that the AIDS is God's way of punishing fags, but why did He make a disease that lets them live so danged long after they get infected in their butts from the anal sex?

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: New Umbrella Term for Afflictions that Affect the Unsaved--AG

Thanks for that Professor. It really helps me to understand the ways of the Lord when an expert like you or a Pastor puts it in terms I can understand.

But I do have a question. I know that the AIDS is God's way of punishing fags, but why did He make a disease that lets them live so danged long after they get infected in their butts from the anal sex?

I'm glad I could be of service Brother Portway.

As far as the AIDS is concerned, I can obviously not speak for the Almighty, but I and my colleagues do have theory on the long incubation period and the slow agonizing death caused by the AIDS.

We all are very familiar with Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

The AIDS is certainly a just punishment for breaking one of the Lord's most fundamental laws. We at Landover Baptist University believe that the slow and painful deaths of these queers provides an excellent example for others that God is not to be trifled with.

As for the long incubation period, the current Scientheistic theory is that the Lord, is His infinite wisdom, wanted as many sodomites as possible to get infected with His holy plague. It then follows that if an infected gay shows no visible symptoms of the AIDS, other faggots are more likely to let the infected individual sodomize them and further spread God's righteous punishment! In a way, the gays are punishing themselves by spreading the AIDS!

This of course also applies to those heathen whoremongers in Africa that are spreading the AIDS to their unsaved wives and unborn children as well.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: New Umbrella Term for Afflictions that Affect the Unsaved--AG

Do we have to worry about AGD IS IT LIKE A VIRUS can we catch it from one of them coughing on us or even by sitting on a contaminated toilet seat?

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: New Umbrella Term for Afflictions that Affect the Unsaved--AG

Do we have to worry about AGD IS IT LIKE A VIRUS can we catch it from one of them coughing on us or even by sitting on a contaminated toilet seat?

No, we do not. AGD is very broad term for what we at LBU believe to be God's righteous wrath for the unsaved. There is some internal debate about the term AGD itself. There are those that point out that it is more of a syndrome than a disorder.

In point of fact, it is neither. It is simply God punishing those that reject Him. But we Scientheists do need to be able to communicate with each other, and as it stands, the term AGD will have to do for now.

[HTannor]

Re: New Umbrella Term for Afflictions that Affect the Unsaved--AG

I stand in awe of what can be accomplished in such a short time.

It was just last month that I endowed the HTannor Chair in your lab and already irrefutable scientific results are flowing in.

It was the best $50 I ever spent.

Keep the scientific breahkthroughs coming, Professor Bessemer, and there will be more in the pipeline.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: New Umbrella Term for Afflictions that Affect the Unsaved--AG

I stand in awe of what can be accomplished in such a short time.

It was just last month that I endowed the HTannor Chair in your lab and already irrefutable scientific results are flowing in.

It was the best $50 I ever spent.

Keep the scientific breahkthroughs coming, Professor Bessemer, and there will be more in the pipeline.

you didn't make the endowment at the bar in the ''Blood of the Lamb Chop'' restaurant did you?

[Nobar King]

Re: New Umbrella Term for Afflictions that Affect the Unsaved--AG

AGD sounds like a great term and one that I can probably remember since my niece is a member of Alpha Gamma Delta.

ΑΓΔ