Is LBC Doing Anything Special Sunday?

[BrotherLarry]

Two announcements in the paper for my city on Good Friday:

1. The Jesus Name Pentecostal Tabernacle will hold its annual sunrise service in the city park at 8:30 am Easter morning. A special egg hunt will be held after the cantata “The Easter Miracle” with visiting pastor Ed Hobbs as Jesus. This year Pastor Ed will baptize anyone interested still in his Jesus costume: a real treat for all participants.

2. Grace Methodist will present an Easter cantata, “The Easter Miracle,” at 10 am. Holy Communion will follow. There will be no preaching this Sunday so our husbands can prepare a meal for the wives in the fellowship hall at noon. Women please volunteer for clean up after the event.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Is LBC Doing Anything Special Sunday?

Two announcements in the paper for my city on Good Friday: 1. The Jesus Name Pentecostal Tabernacle will hold its annual sunrise service in the city park at 8:30 am Easter morning. A special egg hunt will be held after the cantata “The Easter Miracle” with visiting pastor Ed Hobbs as Jesus. This year Pastor Ed will baptize anyone interested still in his Jesus costume: a real treat for all participants. 2. Grace Methodist will present an Easter cantata, “The Easter Miracle,” at 10 am. Holy Communion will follow. There will be no preaching this Sunday so our husbands can prepare a meal for the wives in the fellowship hall at noon. Women please volunteer for clean up after the event.

It jumped out at me I was almost taken ill. I heard an Episcopalian going on about this, something about rabbits (honestly, too ridiculous to be true) and drivel concerning Easter eggs representing the empty tomb! If I wanted a chocolate empty tomb, it wouldn't look anything like an egg. It would look like a tomb – and be made out of chocolate.

I believe the freak was a bishop. That means he'd studied theology and almost certainly comparative religion; Anglican bishops are something like deans of the faculty in their area and are typically very well read up on 100% non-subjects admittedly, whether or not to wear mitres being one such non-subject, differentiation between various idols might be another non-subject, but there are pictures including pictures of this one mentioned by the Town Clerk at Ephesus:

Acts 19:35 And when the townclerk had appeased the people, he said, Ye men of Ephesus, what man is there that knoweth not how that the city of the Ephesians is a worshipper of the great goddess Diana, and of the image which fell down from Jupiter?

So we know what the origin of "Easter Eggs" is. The bishop may have mentioned chicken (and rabbits) neither having any significance in the life of Christ unless He cooked them in a stew as I have just done (without the rabbit) and some gochugaru flakes, pink peppercorns, 1 star anise seed, 1 clove, an onion and 2 tomatoes. Topped off with some broccolini for a few minutes before serving on basmati rice which as you can see has nothing to do with Calvary.

And neither do Episcopalian bishops, Pentecostal Tabernacles and certainly not Methodists (who are just another type of Anglican) even if once long ago they followed God's Just Plan.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Is LBC Doing Anything Special Sunday?

There will be no preaching this Sunday so our husbands can prepare a meal for the wives in the fellowship hall at noon. Women please volunteer for clean up after the event.

Wait, what??? Are you part of a homosexual church?

The Bible is very clear on this--it is the woman's role to prepare food, not the man's:

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. Proverbs 31:10-15

Furthermore, we do not need for women to volunteer for anything. We men can simply tell them what to do, and the women must obey!

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

Brother Larry, I know you to be a True Christian(TM) from your many fine posts on these forums, but I beg you to find a 100% Bible-believing church.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Is LBC Doing Anything Special Sunday?

Wait, what??? Are you part of a homosexual church?
.

My dearest handsome ex-gay friend,

Ponder: Why would I, a tall, intelligent, well built, great looking certified equine gnathologist Hetero male darken the door of any homer establishment? I was merely quoting the local gazette, filled with surprise that no events have been announced for Freehold, not even the Strongman Roll Away the Stone from the Tomb event.

I do appreciate your words expressing belief in my sincere life in Christ. By the way, how is your roommate of the last five years, uh, I believe his name was “Big”Richard? Blessings as He is risen tomorrow.

In total brotherhood,
BrotherLarry

[WWJDnow]

Re: Is LBC Doing Anything Special Sunday?

I am quite relieved to hear that you do not approve of men cooking for their womenfolk.

And I believe you have been misinformed--I am not an ex-gay.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Is LBC Doing Anything Special Sunday?

Is LBC doing anything special?? I should say we are.

Pastor Zeke will be giving his annual Easter sermon. If past years give us a hint, he will rail about the sins of the other churches also having services this Sunday. Some of these churches host homer weddings. He will let them have it good.

We will be reminded Jesus died for our sins but we'd best not push our good fortune by making Him angry.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I am so looking forward to Pastor Zeke's sermon tomorrow. I hope he does not go soft on us with a sermon about Spring and how happy we should be the Jesus died for our sins and the was resurrected. We know all that about Jesus. What some who are in the pews do not know about is their sin. Those people need to know that Jesus knows. Retribution is headed right towards them. I already feel it will be a great Easter Sunday.