[OnYourKnees]

Re: Easter is Coming!

A powerful reminder that Easter is about Jesus, sister. And I think this is a good time to announce a new (temporary) holiday forum: Easter is About Jesus - Dammit! So that we can avoid situations like this.

The only thing sadder than children hunting Easter Eggs is retarded children who can't FIND the Easter Eggs.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Easter is Coming!

Is this where Easter eggs REALLY come from?

GLORY!

Sister Thumper

[Ixi]

Re: Easter is Coming!

That's right, it's time to celebrate our Saviour's temporary sacrifice, very soon!! The first week of April!

On Good Friday, we celebrate His crucifixion. Unpleasant business, that.

On Easter Sunday, we celebrate His rising from the grave on the third day!

How do you plan to celebrate?

On Good Friday, I'm inviting a bunch of neighbors over for a special evening of movies, munchies, and merriment! I'm going to invite over the Duke family, Mr. and Mrs. Weismann, the Joneses, the Steins, the Drakes, and the Goldbergs, oh, and of course the Chambers clan! Rosa is already starting the preparations.

We'll start off with bacon-wrapped shrimp, pork rinds, and all sorts of other tasty snacks, while we sip wine or beer and get to know one another, talk about what churches we go to, and so on. Then, we'll head down to the media room and watch The Passion of the Christ on the 60" plasma screen. Oh, won't my neighbors love it!

Then, we will head out to the backyard for cheeseburgers and a nice pork roast, plus a weenie roast over a roaring bonfire!

That's just Good Friday! What about Easter Sunday, you ask?

Well, on Easter Sunday, Rosa will put out Easter eggs all over the front lawn, colored, of course. She'll leave them raw, to make the hunting more fun. After all, a child needs to learn to be careful with fragile things!

Then, we'll have all the children in Salem come over, take their baskets, and collect eggs. Once the hunt is over, the child with the most eggs wins a special prize . . . a baby chick! And then, of course, Rosa will explain to all the children that those cute baby chicks come from eggs, unless people boil them alive and eat them. Oh, how the children cry out with joy at Rosa's descriptions of the miracles of God's Creation! How something can be so cute and fuzzy, yet so tasty when scrambled . . . it's just amazing, isn't it?

Then, it'll be time for lunch. Won't the children be surprised! The Easter Bunny is coming to lunch! They'll be so excited, they will probably forget all about chicks!

Yes sir, at each of the little tables, we'll serve a roasted and stuffed rabbit. No silly chocolate Easter bunnies for Salem's children, no sir! They will have genuine roasted Easter Rabbit!

Last year, neighbors so enjoyed the event, that they've promised to bring baseball bats and tennis rackets for impromptu games with them this year! GLORY!

Ugh, Easter is only a twisted up version of the pagan holiday Ostira. What do eggs and chicks have anything to do with Jesus?

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Easter is Coming!

Ugh, Easter is only a twisted up version of the pagan holiday Ostira. What do eggs and chicks have anything to do with Jesus?

Why not start a thread about the History of Olestra in the Easter forum?

As for eggs and chicks? Simple. Eggs are fragile, so the children will learn to handle fragile things -- like their eternal salvation -- with care, or they will get "egg on their faces". Also, beautiful little chicks are born from eggs; this teaches the children about the miracle of God's creation!

Why, what else is there that can be scrambled, fried, baked into a cake, or simply left alone to develop into a cute, fuzzy chick?

[SUV]

Re: Easter is Coming!

Heaven! I'm in Heaven!