Enhanced Baptism: Has it Every Been Tried?

[Sword Of Christ]

From Mooslimbs, Goths, Wiccans, Liberals, Homers, Buddhists, Catholicks, and Jews etc has water boarding/enhanced baptism ever been tried for the intractable wicked? Nothing can put the fear of God into a sinner like the fear of drowning.

[handmaiden]

Re: Enhanced Baptism: Has it Every Been Tried?

From Mooslimbs, Goths, Wiccans, Liberals, Homers, Buddhists, Catholicks, and Jews etc has water boarding/enhanced baptism ever been tried for the intractable wicked? Nothing can put the fear of God into a sinner like the fear of drowning.

That may seem like a good idea but the Bible makes it clear that first you invite Jesus into your heart, then you seek baptism.


Now, blinding someone with an intense light and then telling them to accept Jesus may have some merit, given the means by which the Apostle Paul was brought to salvation.


The Senior Pastors will be the ones to provide an authoritative opinion, but I feel comfortable with stating that water-boarding should be reserved for reducing human beings to a sobbing mass of compliance for national security reasons only.


Decidedly Yours,


Handmaiden

[Sword Of Christ]

Re: Enhanced Baptism: Has it Every Been Tried?

That may seem like a good idea but the Bible makes it clear that first you invite Jesus into your heart, then you seek baptism.


Now, blinding someone with an intense light and then telling them to accept Jesus may have some merit, given the means by which the Apostle Paul was brought to salvation.


The Senior Pastors will be the ones to provide an authoritative opinion, but I feel comfortable with stating that water-boarding should be reserved for reducing human beings to a sobbing mass of compliance for national security reasons only.


Decidedly Yours,


Handmaiden

Maybe if they used boiling water? When I was saved I was and still am on fire for Christ. Maybe a blow torch?


I indeed baptize you with water to repentance. but he that comes after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear. he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire. Matthew 3:11

[handmaiden]

Re: Enhanced Baptism: Has it Every Been Tried?

Maybe if they used boiling water? When I was saved I was and still am on fire for Christ. Maybe a blow torch?


I indeed baptize you with water to repentance. but he that comes after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear. he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire. Matthew 3:11

Now we are entering into the realm of burning people at the stake. It's been done, of course. The challenge is to find a fresh new "take" on the method, so that the smartphone crowd can feel included.


Before beginning another thread to discuss the subject, you may wish to make thorough use of the search function. It turns out that there was already a thread devoted to the subject that you raised.

http://landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=236&highlight=waterboarding+godly

Please don't take this as criticism. It's just that the unsaved can be so overwhelmed today; we don't want to confuse them with too many options.


Look how simple The Lord made it. Accept me and follow every single word of the Bible and go to heaven; reject me by not believing every single word of the Bible and go to hell.


Formulaicly Yours,


Handmaiden

[Sword Of Christ]

Re: Enhanced Baptism: Has it Every Been Tried?

Now we are entering into the realm of burning people at the stake. It's been done, of course. The challenge is to find a fresh new "take" on the method, so that the smartphone crowd can feel included.


Before beginning another thread to discuss the subject, you may wish to make thorough use of the search function. It turns out that there was already a thread devoted to the subject that you raised.

http://landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=236&highlight=waterboarding+godly

Please don't take this as criticism. It's just that the unsaved can be so overwhelmed today; we don't want to confuse them with too many options.


Look how simple The Lord made it. Accept me and follow every single word of the Bible and go to heaven; reject me by not believing every single word of the Bible and go to hell.


Formulaicly Yours,


Handmaiden

Thank you for linking to that thread. I was greatly impressed by the words of Brother Buford T Scoggins.


"Waterboarding is indeed fun (especially for Blackwater contractors). And as Sister Talitha pointed out, it's a variation on the theme of Baptism. Think of it as "Baptism on steroids." Agent Jack Bauer on 24 isn't just helping Mooslims confess their sins (like where they planted the ticking time bomb), he's also helping to purify their souls. And the Mooslims are so overcome God's rough love that they confess everything. In the rare instance that they resist Jesus, a little extra "Baptism by fire" (220 volts) can be thrown in - this almost always works.

But I keep hearing liberals claim that waterboarding isn't effective at converting sinners and getting useful information. That's just a bunch of nonsense. Waterboarding was used during the Salem Witch Trials, and it was remarkably effective. All those witches confessed, and exposed other Wiccans hiding in the community. Had it not been for waterboarding and other enhanced interrogation techniques (like burning at the stake), the whole Wiccan plot would have gone undetected. One shudders to think what might have happened if the bleeding-heart liberals had been in charge of Salem.

Truly ya'lls,
Brother Buford"


Matthew 4:10
Then Jesus said to him, "Go, Satan! For it is written, 'YOU SHALL WORSHIP THE LORD YOUR GOD, AND SERVE HIM ONLY.'"
It would seem to me if during the enhanced Baptism with water Matthew 4:10 played and 150 db might be enough to dislodge a stubborn demon.
Are there any rules about combining a baptism and an exorcism? I would think it would be a one two punch.
Speaking of exorcisms, does LBC have a dedicated pastor who casts out demons or do they all have the same expertise?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Enhanced Baptism: Has it Every Been Tried?

Now we are entering into the realm of burning people at the stake. It's been done, of course. The challenge is to find a fresh new "take" on the method, so that the smartphone crowd can feel included.

The craze for eating super-hot chilli peppers seems like an opportunity to reach out to the younger generation and make them sympathetic to enhanced interrogation methods.

These two terrorist suspects (mainly the darker skinned one) practically waterboard themselves after eating the Carolina Reaper chilli. It's all just a bit of fun! And waterboarding is merely one of number of carefully selected techniques. The kids love it as you can see from the video.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Enhanced Baptism: Has it Every Been Tried?

Seems like a waste of good water to me, using it on those who have not accepted Jesus into their hearts, not to mention a terrible waste of the pastors' time.

Also, if some of them drown then you're into the uncertainty of whether they were saved or not (because it's too late to ask them) and, if they were, whether they were saved before or after the baptism. This leads us down the slippery slope (you might call it the waterslide ) into the early Catholic heresy (rejected even by Augustine) of posthumous salvation of non-Christians and bizarre concepts like Purgatory.

Let's keep it simple, shall we? Acts 2:38 sets out the correct order in these matters.

YiC
Joanna