Baptized At Home in the Bathtub? NO!

[Johny Joe Hold]

An idea is going around the internet that a person can be baptized at home in the bathtub while the preachers talks to them on a smart phone. I hate to be crude, but that is bat$hit crazy.

We are Baptists. That means we get baptized. Taking a bath in your clothes is not getting baptized.

If you have a child or a friend that needs to be baptized, arrange with your preacher to be baptized properly. John the Baptist baptized Jesus. (Matt 3:13-17) It was done in the River Jordon, not in a bathtub.

Virtual bathtub baptisms help Maryland megachurch gain online members during pandemic (religionnews.com)

[WWJDnow]

Re: Baptized At Home in the Bathtub? NO!

So many people these days want an easy, created for comfort Christianity. Well, it simply doesn't work that way.

Imagine for a moment that you're Jesus. On Judgment Day, one of these Bathtub Baptists comes before you. You suffered unimaginable tortures and gave your blood for the remission of this Bozo's sins, and he couldn't even be bothered to head down to the nearest body of water to express his faith in you?

Yes, as Jesus, you're all about love and forgiveness. But this is just too much. He doesn't worship you, he worships comfort. So you're sending him to an eternity of torment in the lake of fire. Maybe he can talk Satan into throwing him into a bathtub of fire instead.

God will not be mocked!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Baptized At Home in the Bathtub? NO!

So many people these days want an easy, created for comfort Christianity. Well, it simply doesn't work that way.
Imagine for a moment that you're Jesus. On Judgment Day, one of these Bathtub Baptists comes before you. You suffered unimaginable tortures and gave your blood for the remission of this Bozo's sins, and he couldn't even be bothered to head down to the nearest body of water to express his faith in you?
Yes, as Jesus, you're all about love and forgiveness. But this is just too much. He doesn't worship you, he worships comfort. So you're sending him to an eternity of torment in the lake of fire. Maybe he can talk Satan into throwing him into a bathtub of fire instead.
God will not be mocked!

Such a wonderful observation about Jesus' suffering, Brother Dnow. We True Christians™ need to keep a steady eye on the baptism ritual. We can't let it be hijacked by the two drops Christians like Catholics and Presbyterians.

A trend I'm worried about, too, is the young women who have an eye on one of our pastors or young deacons. When a woman shows up for baptism wearing a T Shirt and no bra I'm suspicious of her motives.

[Roland]

Re: Baptized At Home in the Bathtub? NO!

So many people these days want an easy, created for comfort Christianity. Well, it simply doesn't work that way.[...]

Yes, as Jesus, you're all about love and forgiveness. But this is just too much. He doesn't worship you, he worships comfort [bold by me]. So you're sending him to an eternity of torment in the lake of fire.

I see a practical solution here. If comfort is the sin, why not baptize that person in the lake of molten sulfur? That certainly would not be comfortable and then the former sinner can happily stink up Heaven with his sulfur fumes, making sure the True Christians™ don´t fall for the same sin of comfort.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Baptized At Home in the Bathtub? NO!

Such a wonderful observation about Jesus' suffering, Brother Dnow. We True Christians™ need to keep a steady eye on the baptism ritual. We can't let it be hijacked by the two drops Christians like Catholics and Presbyterians.

What do you call a ceremony where a Catholic priest anoints a baby with holy water? Grooming.

A trend I'm worried about, too, is the young women who have an eye on one of our pastors or young deacons. When a woman shows up for baptism wearing a T Shirt and no bra I'm suspicious of her motives.

Indeed, there are many Jezebels hidden among the flock. Thank God that Pastor Zeke is so holy that he is immune to the worldly charms of these wanton women!