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In my search for a True Christian™ church, which has taken many years, I ventured into many churches...all of which turned out to be false or even cultish. One thing I discovered was that you can tell much about a denomination by the potluck suppers served by the church women from time to time. As a guide to help you recognize the signs of a false or cultish church, I will list some of the deficiencies of various potlucks I have experienced at churches of various denominations.
As it is written in Genesis 27:
Catholic Churches
Potlucks are rare at these churches. More often there is a gathering after what they call Mass, and often in the nether depths of the church building. There, you would be offered only weak coffee and stale cookies or crackers. In some churches, however, a potluck sort of event does occur, but the food at these is strange and foreign in origin and they are attended by people not speaking English.
Episcopal/Anglican Churches
Like the Catholic churches, you'll seldom find a true potluck supper. Again, gatherings after services are more common. However, not even weak coffee is offered, and the cookies have strange ingredients, such as treacle, currants, and other things eaten primarily in Hell or England.
Lutheran Churches
WARNING: While potlucks are common in these churches, DO NOT ATTEND. You will be served some sort of vile product, somewhat resembling fish. Called Lutefisk, it smells of lye soap and old socks, and is inedible by True Christians™. Truly a stomach-emptying food. Such food was preferred by Martin Luther, and probably caused the hemorrhoids from which he famously suffered.
Presbyterian Churches
At one time, Presbyterian churches offered true potlucks, but the denomination has deteriorated in recent years. Today, you may find homer dishes such as quiche, some sort of meat paste they call patay, and bread with its Godly crust removed. All food will be lukewarm, as is the church.
Methodist Churches
See Presbyterian Churches, above.
Unitarian Churches
Avoid these churches' potlucks at all cost. As with the Presbyterian churches, much of the food is homer in origin, but you will also find inedible dishes made only with vegetables. "International" food may also appear to disgust you. You may even encounter a witches' cauldron full of indescribably disgusting ingredients, since even foul wiccans are allowed to attend such churches.
Mormon "Temples"
Since I have never ventured into such a place, I have no idea what might be served there. I know nobody here will ever be faced with such a place either.
The Only True Potluck
If you want to eat a Godly potluck supper, you will only find one at a Traditional Baptist Church. There you will find hot and savoury meat dishes, served by True Christian™ women. Hamburger Casserole, Tuna Casserole, and even French Dip Sandwiches, all made with ingredients approved in the Old Testament. Vegetable dishes, such as Green Bean Casserole, honest Coleslaw, and Hash Brown Casserole will also appear. For desert, the good Christian women will prepare pies of all sorts, even including Shoo Fly, Pecan and Molasses Pie.
As it is written in Genesis 27:
4 And make me savoury meat, such as I love, and bring it to me, that I may eat; that my soul may bless thee before I die.
7 Bring me venison, and make me savoury meat, that I may eat, and bless thee before the LORD before my death.
7 Bring me venison, and make me savoury meat, that I may eat, and bless thee before the LORD before my death.
Potlucks are rare at these churches. More often there is a gathering after what they call Mass, and often in the nether depths of the church building. There, you would be offered only weak coffee and stale cookies or crackers. In some churches, however, a potluck sort of event does occur, but the food at these is strange and foreign in origin and they are attended by people not speaking English.
Episcopal/Anglican Churches
Like the Catholic churches, you'll seldom find a true potluck supper. Again, gatherings after services are more common. However, not even weak coffee is offered, and the cookies have strange ingredients, such as treacle, currants, and other things eaten primarily in Hell or England.
Lutheran Churches
WARNING: While potlucks are common in these churches, DO NOT ATTEND. You will be served some sort of vile product, somewhat resembling fish. Called Lutefisk, it smells of lye soap and old socks, and is inedible by True Christians™. Truly a stomach-emptying food. Such food was preferred by Martin Luther, and probably caused the hemorrhoids from which he famously suffered.
Presbyterian Churches
At one time, Presbyterian churches offered true potlucks, but the denomination has deteriorated in recent years. Today, you may find homer dishes such as quiche, some sort of meat paste they call patay, and bread with its Godly crust removed. All food will be lukewarm, as is the church.
Methodist Churches
See Presbyterian Churches, above.
Unitarian Churches
Avoid these churches' potlucks at all cost. As with the Presbyterian churches, much of the food is homer in origin, but you will also find inedible dishes made only with vegetables. "International" food may also appear to disgust you. You may even encounter a witches' cauldron full of indescribably disgusting ingredients, since even foul wiccans are allowed to attend such churches.
Mormon "Temples"
Since I have never ventured into such a place, I have no idea what might be served there. I know nobody here will ever be faced with such a place either.
The Only True Potluck
If you want to eat a Godly potluck supper, you will only find one at a Traditional Baptist Church. There you will find hot and savoury meat dishes, served by True Christian™ women. Hamburger Casserole, Tuna Casserole, and even French Dip Sandwiches, all made with ingredients approved in the Old Testament. Vegetable dishes, such as Green Bean Casserole, honest Coleslaw, and Hash Brown Casserole will also appear. For desert, the good Christian women will prepare pies of all sorts, even including Shoo Fly, Pecan and Molasses Pie.
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