Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak

Good news Brothers and sisters! For a small fee we have been able to purchase the carcass of that so-called "God-cow" from the authorities in England. In fact it is marinating right now over at the Christiansons. After Sunday Services, all True Christians™ (Platinum level Tithers only) can scoot on over to my humble barbecue pits and enjoy the feast. My servants will be serving mouth-watering beef with all the trimmings.

By the way ladies, I'm sorry to have to constantly harp on this point, but OFFICIAL CHURCH BARBECUES are NOT POTLUCKS! We do NOT require any more dungbread or green jello salad or those rock-hard bisquits that sister Matthewson keeps baking. I swear we could use those things to stone harlots with...

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak

My husband, Mr. Whitford, and I prayed before a cow today. Well, part of a cow as we said grace and thanked the Lord for the big, juicy steaks on our plates! AMEN!

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Dothead cow "god" is turned into steak

Backwards cultists weep as their false idol becomes so much beefburger

If that lot want to venerate these bovinical deities, can they be sent off to Pamplona for the Running Of The Bulls? I bet a few of them would reconsider their religious stance (not to mention their stance in general) after receiving the word of their Lord delivered point first up the kush.

Have they considered a more user friendly deity, ie one that isnt prone to bovine spongioform encephalothingy? Like sheep? Sheep are nice. Perhaps they'd like some little lambs to replace the old diseased cows with. Theyre so cute. And cheap and tasty too. Anything but goats I think. Or jackals.

[Brother Temperance]

Backwards cultists weep as their false idol becomes so much beefburger.

The veterinary inspector first came for Shambo at 8.50am yesterday, 50 minutes late. After three months of legal wrangling and contradictory court rulings that seemed to swing between saving the six-year-old Friesian bull's life and condemning it to death, the Government had finally arrived take to the animal to the slaughterhouse.
As promised, the monks and nuns of Skanda Vale, the small predominantly Hindu community nestled deep in the heart of rural Carmarthenshire where Shambo has lived since his birth, were waiting for them.
As veterinary inspector Wyn Buick, acting on behalf of the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs and the Welsh Assembly, asked the monks to hand over the beloved bull they had sworn to protect, they refused. The inspector and entourage retreated. But late yesterday afternoon they returned, armed with a fresh warrant and backed up by more than 30 officers.
Shambo's temple was surrounded by those who had gathered to worship, but any earlier hesitation the police might have shown disappeared as they began removing the pilgrims one by one as carefully and as sensitively as possible. True to their Gandhian principles, the devotees put up no resistance and let themselves be removed.
After the cage had been sliced through, Shambo was brought out at 7.30pm and taken away in a silver trailer. There was no confirmation from the Welsh Assembly when he would be slaughtered.
Ever since Shambo the bull first tested positive for exposure to bovine tuberculosis on 27 April, a battle has raged between DEFRA and the Welsh Assembly-whose policy it is to slaughter cattle that test positive for TB-and the temple community who believe Shambo to be an embodiment of the divine. The bull, say the monks, should only have met his end when God, and not a vet, decided so.

I suspect this is the liberal media putting their PC spin on their story: more likely, Sambo was HIV-positive after having been enthusiastically mounted by one of these heathen Hindaloos. Still, one has to marvel at the sheer idiocy of these cow-worshippers: venerating any old cow just wouldn't be moronic enough, they had to seek out the most mangy, disease-ridden old beast they could find!
[quote]For the authorities and police, simply getting close to Shambo was always going to be problematic. The 20 monks and five nuns who preside over the temple ceremonies, known as poojas, vowed to do everything they could to stop the authorities getting near Shambo, who had been isolated from the rest of the herd in the entrance to the main temple since his test.

Supporters said yesterday that the timing of the operation to slaughter Shambo was particularly insensitive because it coincided with the temple's largest annual festival, a two-week devotion to the main presiding deity, Subramanium.
..
Brother Francis, 38, who became a monk 15 years ago, said: "It's bad enough that they've come to take Shambo but to come during the middle of our most important festival is horrendously insensitive."

PRAISE! People often stereotype bureaucrats as having no sense of humour, but the folk over at DEFRA must be comic geniuses!

Sister Carol, one of five women to have taken the Franciscan vow of celibacy, poverty and obedience that makes a Skanda Vale devotee a monk or nun, was particularly critical of the money that she believed had been wasted by the government fighting over Shambo.
"They never wanted to negotiate from the beginning," she said. "But what exactly have they managed to achieve? Ultimately it's cost them almost a quarter of a million pounds to kill a bull."

Much as I hate to admit it, the pagan has a point: it'd have been much simpler and cheaper to just pull a Waco on these dotheads.

The loss of Shambo is the second significant blow to the Skanda Vale community this year. Earlier this month, as the fight over Shambo first went to court, the temple's founder, a man known to his followers as Guru Sri Subramanium, died.
He had been ill for some time and had been staying in the hospice that the temple provides for both followers and locals.

Another important lesson: when Jesus has it in for you, He really has it in for you.

For more than 30 years, deep in the heart of Western Wales, a small but dedicated group of largely Western-born men and women have chosen to forego their societies' materialism in favour of a life of poverty, chastity and worship.
Despite Skanda Vale's isolated location-it lies four miles up a potholed track and mobile phone reception is non-existent-more than 60,000 pilgrims make their way to the temple each year.
Although the gods worshipped there and the form that worship takes is noticeably Hindu, like the first temple in London Skanda Vale is nondenominational.
It is one of the few places in the world where the priests administering pooja are predominantly white. Yesterday's crowd were a typically eclectic collection of believers. Swiss Hindu converts sat next to Asian Hindus from London, who sat singing next to local Christians.
Delyth Howells, who described herself as a Christian but one that had "learned more about Christ in Skanda Vale than from anything taught in church", said she had been visiting the temple for more than 20 years.

And this is why we're not racists: these stoned white children make even Mehijixicans look smart. This Delyth Howells person deserves to be nominated for a "worst Christian ever" award.

Last night the battle was lost. But three other members of the temple's herd of cattle are showing signs of exposure to the TB bacteria. Whether DEFRA and the Welsh Assembly will have the stomach for another fight like yesterday's remains to be seen.

This cow AIDS or whatever it is is clearly spreading like the Dickens among this unwashed cowcult. I'd say the decent, humane thing to do is just to bomb the place (I would say "into the stone age", but that's pretty much where they're starting off from anyway) now.