[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

The real hunting news to watch these days is the food crisis. It turns out that secularism has caused people worldwide to get so lazy that they can't afford food. So they riot, and the police need to restore order, often by any means necessary.

Don't those whining gooks realize that McDonald's has a dollar menu now? That's right, you can get a nutritious double cheeseburger for $1, and in those countries that enough to feed a family of four. And if they can't afford that, Taco Bell has double cheesey burritos for 89 cents.

Despite these great bargains that we are giving to those ungrateful slopeheads, they still go out and riot! I suppose they won't be satisfied until McDonald's throws in a free diet Coke with every meal! That's the problem with those Muslim monks - give them an inch and they take a mile.

You're right, Brother Jeb. Everyone should do their part - get a gun and wipe out these welfare queens before they multiply.

Onward Christian soldiers,
Buford

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

The real hunting news to watch these days is the food crisis. It turns out that secularism has caused people worldwide to get so lazy that they can't afford food. So they riot, and the police need to restore order, often by any means necessary.

Don't those whining gooks realize that McDonald's has a dollar menu now! That's right, you can get a nutritious double cheeseburger for $1, and in those countries that enough to feed a family of four. And if they can't afford that, Taco Bell has double cheesey burritos for 89 cents.

Despite these great bargains that we are giving to those ungrateful slopeheads, they still go out and riot! I suppose they won't be satisfied until McDonald's throws in a free diet Coke with every meal! That's the problem with those Muslim monks - give them an inch and they take a mile.

You're right, Brother Jeb. Everyone should do their part - get a gun and wipe out these welfare queens before they multiply.

Onward Christian soldiers,
Buford

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

Brother Jeb, it's been almost a year since your last mission to Burma. How have the hurricanes and charity missions affected the tensions between the warring factions?

Well, I told the police that they had one year to convert the nation to Christianity, or God would punish the nation. They got off to a good start, but they fell short of the goal and God has punished them. However, it's just the beginning of what God has in store for the Lilypad-worshippers. God will not be mocked.

The real hunting news to watch these days is the food crisis. It turns out that secularism has caused people worldwide to get so lazy that they can't afford food. So they riot, and the police need to restore order, often by any means necessary. These days you can just choose your favorite destination: if it has brown people, and know how to find the local official and "buy" your "hunting permit" from him, it's open season.

[Nobar King]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

Brother Jeb, it's been almost a year since your last mission to Burma. How have the hurricanes and charity missions affected the tensions between the warring factions?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

Ok, I'm going back for the weekend. Will be back Monday night.

Funny how they call it "Chinese Water Torture", yet they need Americans to teach them how to do it properly. You'd think Asians would be the ones teaching us. I mean, CHINESE water torture. What a misnomer!

BTW if the security detail notices some of their restraint devices and pain-compliance tools are missing, don't worry, I just borrowed them and will bring them back in near-mint condition.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

Okay, I'm coming home for now. Let me tell you all, you really missed out on some fun. I really wish I could tell you all the details right now, but there's just too many people I don't want to incriminate.

Here's a few hints though

BANGKOK, Thailand - One hundred shot dead outside a Myanmar school. Activists burned alive at government crematoriums. Buddhist monks floating face down in rivers. -Yahoo News

...Dissident groups say up to 200 protesters were killed and 6,000 detained in the crackdown, compared to the regime's report of 10 deaths...

The reports follow claims from a former intelligence officer in Burma's ruling junta that thousands of protesters have been killed and the bodies of hundreds of executed monks have been dumped in the jungle....

The most senior official to defect so far, Hla Win, said: "Many more people have been killed in recent days than you've heard about. The bodies can be counted in several thousand." -Daily Mail

So, our work is done for now. But what's next? Here's some incoming news I've not had time to make sense of yet:

"Burma Junta Contracting Blackwater For Internal Security

Could Mean Exit From Iraq For Embattled Mercenary Firm; Radio's Limbaugh Charges "Phony Monks" Stirring Up Trouble

On the heels of it's CEO, Erik Prince, testifying before Congress yesterday, the Myanmar Junta Leader, of the country formerly known as Burma, Senior General Than Shwe announced today that he has contracted with Blackwater USA for "internal security".

"I don't know what the Iraqi's problems are," Shwe was overheard saying, following the announcement, "We certainly don't mind if these Blackwater soldiers take out a few civilians... In fact, I am expecting such results."
The pro-democracy protest, with 10,000+ demonstrators led by the country's Buddhist Monks that began last month, has been met with brutal violence by armed forces, including the killing, caught on television, of a Japanese journalist.

In the major city of Rangoon, shots have been fired into crowds and monks beaten. Reports coming from Burma, where the military junta has shut down the internet and have curfews in place, say that thousands have been murdered, including monks, whose bodies have been dumped in the jungles.

Led by Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been under house arrest for much of the past 12-years, Burmese citizens have called on the military junta to step down, following the 1990 election, the first in nearly 30-years, that elevated the pro-democracy party of Suu Kyi to a majority position, but then was annulled by the military rulers.

Shwe junta forces are continuing their repression, even at the United Nations attempts to intervene.

Blackwater USA, coming under fire in both Iraq and the United States, issued a brief statement, indicating they were pleased to serve the Government of Myanmar and look forward to the work of bringing order to the country.

A spokesperson for Blackwater refused to answer questions if the new Burma contract meant Blackwater would be exiting Iraq.

One element of the contract was leaked to the media, showing that the Myanmar Government will have a Blackwater liaison, who will be responsible for investigating complaints and writing official reports on the results of any queries.

When asked about Blackwater now working for Burma, Homeland Security Advisor Fran Townsend referred questions about Blackwater to the State Department, but added "I didn't know there was a Burma before there was a Myanmar."

And in a related matter, radio talkshow host Rush Limbaugh, already embroiled in a heated dust-up over criticizing U.S. soldiers opposed to the Bush Grindhouse's Iraq policy, charged today that much of the unrest in Burma was being lead by "phony monks".

"These guys...shave their heads, put on orange clothes and start prancing around and we're all supposed to think this is something sacrosanct ... Hogwash! ... Seeing some of the news footage on this, I think I recognize some of these phony monks ... They hit me up at the airport recently, asking for money, or if I wanted to take a free personality test ... Yeah, right ... I got a personality test for them ..."

When a caller later in the hour chastised Limbaugh for making fun of the Burmese Monks, Limbaugh berated the caller, saying he was only speaking about one, particular phony monk.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

When I see these grown men running around in orange dresses, I can only conclude that gay marriage is behind all this violence.

If these Buddhists would stop reading the Koran and start reading the Bible, they'd abandon their evil ways, buy some proper clothing and start attending church. Don't they have a GAP Clothing Store in Rangoon?

[Seeker]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

Too bad Buddhist are going straight to the inferno because they show way more love and peace than....umm.... you know who..

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

I'm following this story with great interest, Brother Jeb. I definitely sense the work of Obama bin Laden and his Al Queda here. During the 1960's era Vietnam war these Buddhists would simply douse themselves with gasoline and light a match - definitely a non-violent protest. It can't simply be the high price of gasoline that is preventing them from doing this (if it is we could probably make the proper arrangements for giving them foreign aid, or perhaps a small donation or subsidy).

[lord warrior]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

I see. So free speech should now be forbidden? Last I checked that was a constitutional right, as is practise of religion.

Let me guess, you believe such things only apply to christians and that you don't think people of other beliefs have the same rights?

Bout time you got it right witch!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

Might I enquire about provisions, food and such? Will they be supplied, or do they need to be brought?

Same as lodgings, I have lots of frat brothers and business contacts in Rangoon, and I've been networking over the past few weeks.

Companies from South Korea, Thailand and elsewhere also are looking to exploit the energy resources of the desperately poor Southeast Asian country.

France's Total SA and Malaysia's Petroliam Nasional Bhd., or Petronas, currently pump gas from fields off Myanmar's coast through a pipeline to Thailand, which takes 90 percent of Myanmar's gas output, according to Thailand's PTT Exploration & Production PLC.

But investing in Myanmar has brought accusations that petroleum corporations offer economic support to the country's repressive junta, and in some cases are complicit in human rights abuses. This week's bloody clampdowns on protests have escalated the [socialist, freedom-hating] activists' calls for energy companies to pull out of the country.

"They are funding the dictatorship," said Marco Simons, U.S. legal director at EarthRights International, an [unAmerican al-Queda-sympathising] environmental and human rights group with offices in Thailand and Washington. "The oil and gas companies have been one of the major industries keeping the regime in power."

You'll be among wealthy, civilized friends when you arrive in Rangoon. (And if all else, you can just take what you want at gunpoint, if you're into noodles and monkey-meat, anyway.)

[Brother Temperance]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

You're the one wanting to go Buddhist-hunting, and why don't YOU tell ME where it says in Burmese law that citizens can't practise Buddhism?

Alright, let's settle this with a wager: if the Burmese Army and police start protecting the uppity God-hating monks from us, then I'll admit that you're right and you know more about Burmese laws and customs than we do. Deal?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

Show me where those things are guaranteed in the Burmese constitution. Stop being so culturally insensitive Rachael, trying to judge these people because they don't fit your Western expectations is just narrow-minded and wrong.

Say WHAT???
You're the one wanting to go Buddhist-hunting, and why don't YOU tell ME where it says in Burmese law that citizens can't practise Buddhism?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

I see. So free speech should now be forbidden? Last I checked that was a constitutional right, as is practise of religion.

Show me where those things are guaranteed in the Burmese constitution. Stop being so culturally insensitive Rachael, trying to judge these people because they don't fit your Western expectations is just narrow-minded and wrong.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: BUDDHIST HUNT 2007! Join me in Myanmar!

Who started this? It wasn't us. If these saffron-smoking freaks had stayed in their demonic temples, chanting gibberish prayers to their satanic idols, none of this would have happened. But they tried to express some kind of a dissenting opinion in public, and now they must suffer the consequences!

I see. So free speech should now be forbidden? Last I checked that was a constitutional right, as is practise of religion.

Let me guess, you believe such things only apply to christians and that you don't think people of other beliefs have the same rights?