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Dear Friends,
Ever wonder if YOU are a member of that dizzy, daffy, delusional bunch known as the John 3:16 Christians? Well, in the tradition of that great American humorist Jeff Foxworthy, I suggest you might be a John 3:16 Christian if...
...you've ever used the words "God" and "loves" in the same sentence without adding the words "to kill"
...you tell your non-Baptist friends you'll "see them in Heaven" -- and don't mean it as a practical jest
...you haven't picked out which lawn chair you want to ascend bodily into Glory with
...you're against banning any book in the public schools...unless its the only one that can save the kids from eternal fire and darkness
...you consider tithing to be *shudder* optional
...in Scriptural debates, you cite to the New School Jive Bible for the Deaf
...you've passed an abortion clinic without throwing a brick
...you thought the Passion of the Christ really should have omitted the Jews
...you've ever caught yourself enjoying sex or mackerels
...Hustler doesn't bother you -- you're idea of pornography is The 700 Club
...you watched the Teletubbies and couldn't spot the gay one
...you once said "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"
...you consort with black people who aren't the help, politicians, or professional athletes
...you know someone who thought about voting for Bill Clinton
...when doing laundry, you refuse to separate your whites from your coloreds
...you can rise to speak at School Board meetings without anyone rolling their eyes
...to you, being a "family values" hardliner means saying people probably shouldn't have sex with their own children
...you've listened respectfully as someone outlined the differences between paganism and wicca
...you think the First Amendment protects dipping a cross in urine, but not setting it on fire
...you're not taking harp lessons
...you put more stock in what science has said in the last ten years than in what God said during the 4,000 years before Christ
bab
Ever wonder if YOU are a member of that dizzy, daffy, delusional bunch known as the John 3:16 Christians? Well, in the tradition of that great American humorist Jeff Foxworthy, I suggest you might be a John 3:16 Christian if...
...you've ever used the words "God" and "loves" in the same sentence without adding the words "to kill"
...you tell your non-Baptist friends you'll "see them in Heaven" -- and don't mean it as a practical jest
...you haven't picked out which lawn chair you want to ascend bodily into Glory with
...you're against banning any book in the public schools...unless its the only one that can save the kids from eternal fire and darkness
...you consider tithing to be *shudder* optional
...in Scriptural debates, you cite to the New School Jive Bible for the Deaf
...you've passed an abortion clinic without throwing a brick
...you thought the Passion of the Christ really should have omitted the Jews
...you've ever caught yourself enjoying sex or mackerels
...Hustler doesn't bother you -- you're idea of pornography is The 700 Club
...you watched the Teletubbies and couldn't spot the gay one
...you once said "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"
...you consort with black people who aren't the help, politicians, or professional athletes
...you know someone who thought about voting for Bill Clinton
...when doing laundry, you refuse to separate your whites from your coloreds
...you can rise to speak at School Board meetings without anyone rolling their eyes
...to you, being a "family values" hardliner means saying people probably shouldn't have sex with their own children
...you've listened respectfully as someone outlined the differences between paganism and wicca
...you think the First Amendment protects dipping a cross in urine, but not setting it on fire
...you're not taking harp lessons
...you put more stock in what science has said in the last ten years than in what God said during the 4,000 years before Christ
bab
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