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Isaiah 44:14-19
King James Version (KJV)
14He heweth him down cedars, and taketh the cypress and the oak, which he strengtheneth for himself among the trees of the forest: he planteth an ash, and the rain doth nourish it.
15Then shall it be for a man to burn: for he will take thereof, and warm himself; yea, he kindleth it, and baketh bread; yea, he maketh a god, and worshippeth it; he maketh it a graven image, and falleth down thereto.
16He burneth part thereof in the fire; with part thereof he eateth flesh; he roasteth roast, and is satisfied: yea, he warmeth himself, and saith, Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire:
17And the residue thereof he maketh a god, even his graven image: he falleth down unto it, and worshippeth it, and prayeth unto it, and saith, Deliver me; for thou art my god.
18They have not known nor understood: for he hath shut their eyes, that they cannot see; and their hearts, that they cannot understand.
19And none considereth in his heart, neither is there knowledge nor understanding to say, I have burned part of it in the fire; yea, also I have baked bread upon the coals thereof; I have roasted flesh, and eaten it: and shall I make the residue thereof an abomination? shall I fall down to the stock of a tree?
The Bible clearly shows us here that trees are pagan idols.
It makes perfect sense, really. They are huge phallic symbols. The people who advocate them are all gay. Think about it: hippies, environmentalists, pot smokers, crystal fondling neo-pagans... Treehuggers are worse than gay! They are gay and worship ithyphallic idols!
It is because of verses like the above that I have forgone a fiscally advantageous existence and instead devoted myself to a life of lumberjackery. Every time I hack at a tree, I am really hacking away at Satan's tallywacker! Which is the same foul thing that liberal environmentalists are worshiping.
As a Christian, I cannot in good conscience allow people to worship trees, any more than I can allow them to have anal sex, or anal sex with trees. And that is why I always give Freehold residents my best rates when it comes to cutting down trees. Someday, I envision, Freehold will be completely treeless. And then I will move on to another community, and another, and another, until there are no more ithyphallic idols souring the land. Pray for me.
King James Version (KJV)
14He heweth him down cedars, and taketh the cypress and the oak, which he strengtheneth for himself among the trees of the forest: he planteth an ash, and the rain doth nourish it.
15Then shall it be for a man to burn: for he will take thereof, and warm himself; yea, he kindleth it, and baketh bread; yea, he maketh a god, and worshippeth it; he maketh it a graven image, and falleth down thereto.
16He burneth part thereof in the fire; with part thereof he eateth flesh; he roasteth roast, and is satisfied: yea, he warmeth himself, and saith, Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire:
17And the residue thereof he maketh a god, even his graven image: he falleth down unto it, and worshippeth it, and prayeth unto it, and saith, Deliver me; for thou art my god.
18They have not known nor understood: for he hath shut their eyes, that they cannot see; and their hearts, that they cannot understand.
19And none considereth in his heart, neither is there knowledge nor understanding to say, I have burned part of it in the fire; yea, also I have baked bread upon the coals thereof; I have roasted flesh, and eaten it: and shall I make the residue thereof an abomination? shall I fall down to the stock of a tree?
The Bible clearly shows us here that trees are pagan idols.
It makes perfect sense, really. They are huge phallic symbols. The people who advocate them are all gay. Think about it: hippies, environmentalists, pot smokers, crystal fondling neo-pagans... Treehuggers are worse than gay! They are gay and worship ithyphallic idols!
It is because of verses like the above that I have forgone a fiscally advantageous existence and instead devoted myself to a life of lumberjackery. Every time I hack at a tree, I am really hacking away at Satan's tallywacker! Which is the same foul thing that liberal environmentalists are worshiping.
As a Christian, I cannot in good conscience allow people to worship trees, any more than I can allow them to have anal sex, or anal sex with trees. And that is why I always give Freehold residents my best rates when it comes to cutting down trees. Someday, I envision, Freehold will be completely treeless. And then I will move on to another community, and another, and another, until there are no more ithyphallic idols souring the land. Pray for me.
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