To kill a witch...

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

I have recently been on a "leave of absence" and it has been a while since but I think that my reason is excusable.

You see, for the past while I've been trying to shut down some of the ritual sites that many of the satanists that I used to associate with gather.

Well, as you can imagine satanists don't like having their "holy sites" burned down (especially when they're still inside!) and eventually there was a confrontation.

I took Exodus 22:18 to heart, pulled out the old Equalizer, and popped them in their little heathen heads.

Fortunately, I had the convienence of the fire that I had started so I could just toss them into it, but for future reference what is the best way to dispose of witches?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: To kill a witch...

Praise Jesus, it's great to see you back. We had feared the worst. We know full well that satanists do not let their former leaders go easliy. Many have ended up in insane asylums or managing transvestite karaoke bars in China.

I'll leave it to Brother BJ and the boys in security to share the many creative ways in which witches are disposed of in Freehold. and if you ever need any help in shutting down demonic websites or organizations, just say they word. We have.....specialists in such things in our congregation.

In addition, I'll leave you with this powerful prayer that I wrote specifically to battle the kind of evil you have encointered. I hope you will find it useful.

This is a very powerful prayer against Witchcraft. This prayer can shut down witches and satanists forever. Being that this prayer basically shuts down the senders of the hexes and vexes by returning their evil to them sevenfold.

Father,
In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I plead the precious uncorruptable blood of Jesus over myself and my family and everything that belongs to us. I ask for giant warrior Angels to be loosed from Heaven to surround and protect us. As your war club and weapons of war I break down, undamn, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, physic prayers, physic thought, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, physic power, physic warfare, prayer chains, and everything else being sent my way or my family members way, and I return it and the demons to the senders right now!, SEVENFOLD, and I BIND it to them by the Blood of Jesus!

Father, I pray that these lost souls will find the light of your son Jesus.. Their own snares and traps have been set against themselves.. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I now loose them from all mindcontrol of satan!.. Father I also ask that you Bind the Holy Spirit to there hearts as a guide to your son Jesus.. So they may be set free from the bondages of satan.

In Jesus name I pray..
Amen

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Re: To kill a witch...

I have recently been on a "leave of absence" and it has been a while since but I think that my reason is excusable.

You see, for the past while I've been trying to shut down some of the ritual sites that many of the satanists that I used to associate with gather.

Well, as you can imagine satanists don't like having their "holy sites" burned down (especially when they're still inside!) and eventually there was a confrontation.

I took Exodus 22:18 to heart, pulled out the old Equalizer, and popped them in their little heathen heads.

Fortunately, I had the convienence of the fire that I had started so I could just toss them into it, but for future reference what is the best way to dispose of witches?

Good...We are preparing a warrant for your arrest as we speak!

[Herr_Doktor Phd.]

Re: To kill a witch...

Originally Posted by Enigmatic Harpo Marx
but for future reference what is the best way to dispose of witches?

Your method is sound. The witch needs to burn. Preferably at a stake while an ordained minister quotes from Psalms.

I don't hold to any of this namby-pamby rubbish of strangulation before the purging flames are lit.

Not only is this symbolic of the searing flames of Eternal Damnation it is also practical. Any Satanically imbued objects or Demonically possessed vermin (flees, lice, etc..) are also destroyed by the cleansing fire.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: To kill a witch...

Praise Jesus, it's great to see you back. We had feared the worst. We know full well that satanists do not let their former leaders go easliy. Many have ended up in insane asylums or managing transvestite karaoke bars in China.

I'll leave it to Brother BJ and the boys in security to share the many creative ways in which witches are disposed of in Freehold. and if you ever need any help in shutting down demonic websites or organizations, just say they word. We have.....specialists in such things in our congregation.

In addition, I'll leave you with this powerful prayer that I wrote specifically to battle the kind of evil you have encointered. I hope you will find it useful.

This is a very powerful prayer against Witchcraft. This prayer can shut down witches and satanists forever. Being that this prayer basically shuts down the senders of the hexes and vexes by returning their evil to them sevenfold.

Father,
In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I plead the precious uncorruptable blood of Jesus over myself and my family and everything that belongs to us. I ask for giant warrior Angels to be loosed from Heaven to surround and protect us. As your war club and weapons of war I break down, undamn, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, physic prayers, physic thought, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, physic power, physic warfare, prayer chains, and everything else being sent my way or my family members way, and I return it and the demons to the senders right now!, SEVENFOLD, and I BIND it to them by the Blood of Jesus!

Father, I pray that these lost souls will find the light of your son Jesus.. Their own snares and traps have been set against themselves.. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth I now loose them from all mindcontrol of satan!.. Father I also ask that you Bind the Holy Spirit to there hearts as a guide to your son Jesus.. So they may be set free from the bondages of satan.

In Jesus name I pray..
Amen

Praise, Brother Zeke!

That prayer will indeed come in handy! I could feel the power of Christ in it even as I read.

I have two more stops to make but once I do I'll be able to start informing Landover of many of the main websites that satanists frequent.

Also, if you know any prayers to bless bullets, that would be quite helpful.

Good...We are preparing a warrant for your arrest as we speak!

Tell me Officer, do you like working for Satan? Here I am doing my best for the glory of Christ and you speak out against me. Not that you'll be able to find any evidence anyway. Witches burn really well.

This is just more proof that Catholics are all hellbound. Enjoy eternal damnation Officer. Oh, and don't bother packing a coat; they tell me it's pretty hot down there...

Your method is sound. The witch needs to burn. Preferably at a stake while an ordained minister quotes from Psalms.

I don't hold to any of this namby-pamby rubbish of strangulation before the purging flames are lit.

Not only is this symbolic of the searing flames of Eternal Damnation it is also practical. Any Satanically imbued objects or Demonically possessed vermin (flees, lice, etc..) are also destroyed by the cleansing fire.

Well, I'm going to take your advice with a grain of salt since you are still unsaved but your reasoning seems sound enough.

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Re: To kill a witch...

Praise, Brother Zeke!

That prayer will indeed come in handy! I could feel the power of Christ in it even as I read.

I have two more stops to make but once I do I'll be able to start informing Landover of many of the main websites that satanists frequent.

Also, if you know any prayers to bless bullets, that would be quite helpful.

Yeah, must feel pretty good to do the jobs meant for God alone.

Tell me Officer, do you like working for Satan? Here I am doing my best for the glory of Christ and you speak out against me. Not that you'll be able to find any evidence anyway. Witches burn really well.

This is just more proof that Catholics are all hellbound. Enjoy eternal damnation Officer. Oh, and don't bother packing a coat; they tell me it's pretty hot down there...

The Bible says obey secular law! And we're taking the opening post as a confession...If you were really strong for your version of Jesus, you wouldn't be scared of the punishment...Just be glad Iowa doesn't have the death penalty, because you're certainly going to face life in prison with no possibility of parole! The real Jesus condemns this grave sin!

Well, I'm going to take your advice with a grain of salt since you are still unsaved but your reasoning seems sound enough.

And he will be tried as an accomplice!

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: To kill a witch...

[quote=Offcr. Albert Martin;167106]Yeah, must feel pretty good to do the jobs meant for God alone.

And God does stand alone in your eyes doesn't he, Fiend

The Bible says obey secular law!

Secular law!?! Like I said, I had Exodu 22:18 in mind.

And we're taking the opening post as a confession...If you were really strong for your version of Jesus, you wouldn't be scared of the punishment...Just be glad Iowa doesn't have the death penalty, because you're certainly going to face life in prison with no possibility of parole!

I don't fear punishment. God knows his own and I have no doubt that he won't let the likes of you anywhere near me.

The real Jesus condemns this grave sin!

Oh give me a break. This is what you think the "real" Jesus looks like.




Or did you silly Catholics finally give up that crazy idea about the pope being Jesus incarnate?

And he will be tried as an accomplice!

I bet you just love to try Christ as an accomplice as well, wouldn't you?

[JennyD]

Re: To kill a witch...

Mr. Marx, I want to congratulate you on standing your ground as those horrifying Satanists attacked and tried to kill you! I've no doubt Jesus saw your unwavering stance and completely ignored the dripping yellow streak down your white pants as you fired 13 blessed rounds from your 9-round clip. GLORY!

You have done well, helping to purge the land of Satan's brood as God commands! Well done, sir, and may I also compliment you on your wise selection of townships where the legal burning of witches is still on the books!

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: To kill a witch...

Mr. Marx, I want to congratulate you on standing your ground as those horrifying Satanists attacked and tried to kill you! I've no doubt Jesus saw your unwavering stance and completely ignored the dripping yellow streak down your white pants as you fired 13 blessed rounds from your 9-round clip. GLORY!

You have done well, helping to purge the land of Satan's brood as God commands! Well done, sir, and may I also compliment you on your wise selection of townships where the legal burning of witches is still on the books!

Glory, Sister Jenny!

I do have to admit, it was quite terrifying to be charged by that many ugly Goths but I knew God would protect me and that he did!

My only hope is that they accpeted Jesus before those slugs smashed into their skulls

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Re: To kill a witch...

And God does stand alone in your eyes doesn't he, Fiend

Secular law!?! Like I said, I had Exodu 22:18 in mind.

Pastor Zeke himself has stated that. In fact, when a parent had killed one of their children for disobedience (it is commanded earlier in the Bible) Zeke said, "The Bible says obey secular law. Enjoy hell."

I don't fear punishment. God knows his own and I have no doubt that he won't let the likes of you anywhere near me.

You committed a capital offense...Besides, maybe God's calling you to minister to prison inmates?

Oh give me a break. This is what you think the "real" Jesus looks like.




Or did you silly Catholics finally give up that crazy idea about the pope being Jesus incarnate?

We never had that idea. These hateful tractsters just love to strech the truth with unreliable sources to suit their own purpose.

I bet you just love to try Christ as an accomplice as well, wouldn't you?

Christ will put you on trial after you die, and you know what he'll say at the end? (I'll just give you the first letters: D F M Y A, I T E F P F T D A H A)


FINAL WORD:
You've gone from an outward wolf to a wolf in sheep's clothing. May God have mercy on your soul.

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: To kill a witch...

Pastor Zeke himself has stated that. In fact, when a parent had killed one of their children for disobedience (it is commanded earlier in the Bible) Zeke said, "The Bible says obey secular law. Enjoy hell."

I think God may just let me slide on this one since to my knowledge it is not against the law to burn witches in the town I come from -- in fact it is encouraged.

You committed a capital offense...Besides, maybe God's calling you to minister to prison inmates?

Or maybe he's just calling me to burn witches? In either case, I think it would be unwise for one such as yourself to speak as if you know the will of God; I can't imagine he enjoys you doing so.

We never had that idea. These hateful tractsters just love to strech the truth with unreliable sources to suit their own purpose.

Right....just like his "Holiness" was never infallable?

Christ will put you on trial after you die, and you know what he'll say at the end? (I'll just give you the first letters: D F M Y A, I T E F P F T D A H A)

That looks like demon-speak to me. So now are you not only using the language of Hell, but you are also claiming that Jesus does so also? You, Sir, are skating on whayever thin ice you have left with God.

FINAL WORD:
You've gone from an outward wolf to a wolf in sheep's clothing.

What a baseless claim. If all of you're accusations are this unfounded I'd be amazed if you have ever arrested anyone in your entire career.

May God have mercy on your soul.

And my He have more on yours, Officer (I think you'll need it more than myself).

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Re: To kill a witch...

I think God may just let me slide on this one since to my knowledge it is not against the law to burn witches in the town I come from -- in fact it is encouraged.

Well, witch-burning is legally murder...And what happened to your Sixth Commandment (which is our Fifth?)

Or maybe he's just calling me to burn witches? In either case, I think it would be unwise for one such as yourself to speak as if you know the will of God; I can't imagine he enjoys you doing so.

What part of THOU SHALT NOT KILL don't you understand?

Right....just like his "Holiness" was never infallable?

He is infallible when speaking on doctrines of FAITH AND MORALS.

1. He is still capable of sin, like everyone else.
2. Not all he says is guaranteed to be the gospel truth-If he tells you who's going to win the World Series, make your own pick instead.

That looks like demon-speak to me. So now are you not only using the language of Hell, but you are also claiming that Jesus does so also? You, Sir, are skating on whayever thin ice you have left with God.

Are you so dense that you don't know it stands for

"Depart from me ye accursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels"

I was giving you a clue, heretic. If you keep up your murderous ways that's what you're going to hear at the end...

What a baseless claim. If all of you're accusations are this unfounded I'd be amazed if you have ever arrested anyone in your entire career.

Oh yes, I have arrested plenty of people-But whether they're convicted is the courts' decision, not mine

And my He have more on yours, Officer (I think you'll need it more than myself).

I thought LBCers saw police as "Godly American Heroes"?

[Dr. Otto Bond Sr.]

Re: To kill a witch...

I've found that the best way to kill a witch is to throw them on the fire that fuels there own bubbling cauldron. Effective and ironic.

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Re: To kill a witch...

I've found that the best way to kill a witch is to throw them on the fire that fuels there own bubbling cauldron. Effective and ironic.

Have you no respect for the law?

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: To kill a witch...

The Bible says to obey secular law, but secular law provides for self-defense, and Mr. Marx did say that there was a confrontation.