Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

[Matthew Hopkins]

Brothers and Sisters,

Some of you may have heard of "acupuncture",

some unsaved trash may even have tried it. So let me tell you why God hates acupuncture. And boy, does He hate it!

Acupuncture is not American, no, acupuncture originated in China. That's right, it's the satan worshipping slants who invented this so-called "medicine". Now, that in itself should be more than enough to warn any True Christian(tm) to steer clear of this fiendish abomination. But there is more to it than that, brothers and sisters.

It has its roots in Daoism, the cult religion of slants everywhere.

Although claiming to be "medicine" it involves torturing people with nails. Basically the chink slant on crucifixion.

Even so-called scientists see through the acupuncture propaganda, and recognize it as therapeutically useless.

Practitioners use magic known as "Qi" to bewitch their victims, thus making them sorcerers who deserve to be stoned to death.

Steer clear of this foul practice, friends, and be strong in Him.

YBIC

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

My understanding is that acupuncture mainly consists of anal penetration with sharp objects. I can't be certain of this, since I would never research something like that on the family computer. Is this true, or just a lie perpetrated to attract liberals to the practice?

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Not only that, but acupuncture is pornographic. I stumbled across this

Location of Conception Vessel 1

On the perineum, on the mid-line, midway between [pornographic filth removed] and [pornographic filth removed] or [pornographic filth removed] and [pornographic filth removed]. In practice, that's very imprecise. They speak of it as being midway between the [pornographic filth removed] (anterior end) and the [pornographic filth removed] (posterior end) which is all very well in women.

In men it's said to lie midway between the [pornographic filth removed] and the [pornographic filth removed], but where the posterior of the [pornographic filth removed] ends and the perineum begins isn't clear, unless the man is having an [pornographic filth removed], when its junction with the perineum is more obvious. However, many might question whether acupuncture during an [pornographic filth removed] was appropriate.

So, failing that, needle it about about half to one inch, or between 1.5 cm to 2.5 cm in front of the [pornographic filth removed]. Insert vertically to the skin.

Needling Conception Vessel 1

Caution!
If you are of different gender to the patient and there is any possibility of a misunderstanding, however, remote, I advise you to get a chaperone of the same gender as the patient. Indeed, this is good advice whenever using this point even if you share the same gender as the patient.

Depth of Needling
Textbooks suggest half to one cun but in practice about half an inch, unless the patient is drowning, when up to an inch may be used.

(However, if the patient is drowning, do you have his or her permission to use acupuncture, especially at this point? Different cultures deal with this matter in different ways, so be sure you understand the local mores.)

Although I've never needled deeper than that, I've seen a man needled there to a depth of nearly 3 inches (8 centimetres) - and he insisted it was very beneficial, at one time returning weekly for a 'top up' session.

Patient's Position during use of this point
The best way to needle the point is to ask the patient to lie on one side in a foetal position.

If a male patient insists on lying supine, you must ask him to hold his [pornographic filth removed] out of the way while you locate and needle the point.

I strongly advise not to click on the link, particularly ladies, as this pornography is of the most foetid and vile kind.

I ask you, Brethren, would you let this man:



Stick anything between your [pornographic filth removed] and your [pornographic filth removed]?

YBIC

[Carl the wop]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Why would God want us to prick ourselves and defame his image and likeness? These chink-nip "techniques" are nothing but a mockery of God.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Why would God want us to prick ourselves and defame his image and likeness? These chink-nip "techniques" are nothing but a mockery of God.

Amen, Brother Carl.

There's only one reason these gooks want you as a 'patient'; so they can do this to your wives and daughters.

I suggest Landover Ladies not click the link above without express permission from a Pastor.

YBIC

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Why even bother with a bunch of mystical mumbo-jumbo from the Ornament? Has anyone ever even demonstrated the existence of this "Qi" thingie? It's especially sad because we already know how to cure diseases:

James 5:14-16: Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

If God had wanted us to have some nip "doctor" stick shirt pins into us, He would have said so.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Why even bother with a bunch of mystical mumbo-jumbo from the Ornament? Has anyone ever even demonstrated the existence of this "Qi" thingie? It's especially sad because we already know how to cure diseases:

James 5:14-16: Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

If God had wanted us to have some nip "doctor" stick shirt pins into us, He would have said so.

So true, Pastor. There is no "Qi", even "science" agrees with God on that point!

YBIC

[FreeFromBrains]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Brothers and Sisters,

Some of you may have heard of "acupuncture",

some unsaved trash may even have tried it. So let me tell you why God hates acupuncture. And boy, does He hate it!

Acupuncture is not American, no, acupuncture originated in China. That's right, it's the satan worshipping slants who invented this so-called "medicine". Now, that in itself should be more than enough to warn any True Christian™ to steer clear of this fiendish abomination. But there is more to it than that, brothers and sisters.

It has its roots in Daoism, the cult religion of slants everywhere.

Although claiming to be "medicine" it involves torturing people with nails. Basically the chink slant on crucifixion.

Even so-called scientists see through the acupuncture propaganda, and recognize it as therapeutically useless.

Practitioners use magic known as "Qi" to bewitch their victims, thus making them sorcerers who deserve to be stoned to death.

Steer clear of this foul practice, friends, and be strong in Him.

YBIC

Lest we forget that it has no empirical evidence thus unavailable in situations where efficacy is a criteria for service commissioning.

Or so I'm told.

[Carl the wop]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Lest we forget that it has no empirical evidence thus unavailable in situations where efficacy is a criteria for service commissioning.

Or so I'm told.

Wow.. verbal diarrhea. Time to see a witch doctor..

[Thinks Design]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Lest we forget that it has no empirical evidence thus unavailable in situations where efficacy is a criteria for service commissioning.

Or so I'm told.

Just because there is no evidence of it working does not mean we can discount it. People used to laugh at Intelligent Design.

Now it is widely known that Evolution is a theory in Crisis. Did nobody watch 'Expelled: No Inteligence Alowed'?

ThinksDesign

[Nobar King]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

What gets me is that people are still doing it. I wonder how many times you have to get stuck before you realize that you made a poor decision? Probably no one talks about it because they're too embarrassed to admit that they tried acupuncture.

Or dead.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Just because there is no evidence of it working does not mean we can discount it. People used to laugh at Intelligent Design.

Now it is widely known that Evolution is a theory in Crisis. Did nobody watch 'Expelled: No Inteligence Alowed'?

ThinksDesign

Don't get misdirected by arguments about "science". Nowhere, in the Holy Bible, does Jesus tell us about "Qi" or "acupuncture" or eating the dung of flying squirrels to cure fatigue.

Instead, this chicanery is based off of "Yin" and "Yang" and other occult theories.

Read your Bible, DrinksDawine

YBIC

[FreeFromBrains]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Wow.. verbal diarrhea. Time to see a witch doctor..

Would you like me to dumb it down for you? I thought you guys were against Witch Doctors or superstition like acupuncture?

[Carl the wop]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Would you like me to dumb it down for you? I thought you guys were against Witch Doctors or superstition like acupuncture?

We are, but not for the already damned like yourself..

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Why GOD HATES ACUPUNCTURE!

Would you like me to dumb it down for you? I thought you guys were against Witch Doctors or superstition like acupuncture?

Brother Carl, like the rest of us, can be mighty confused by your high yaller speak. See, don't use words you don't understand, then we won't use words you don't understand.

YBIC