How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

In today's economy, we need to face the reality that not all of us are going to be "essential" or even marginally useful to the rest of society. It's unfortunate but it's true.

Unlike the negro, and the British, True American Christians have not developed a pre-planned strategy for long periods of unemployment. Having myself recently retired, I can share some tips for passing away the long hours.

First, develop a solid drinking habit. I know money's tight but a single 32oz malt liquor can fit into even the smallest budget if you're prepared to reach deep to the bottom shelf. One or preferably 6 per day is a reasonable target in the first year.

Second, put something away for the hard times ahead or for a treat on a rainy day. For example, an eighth of weed at the back of the freezer. Relax, the next welfare check will arrive in a day or two.

Third - many ideas - I know I'm missing an important one - but I have to dash, the plants need watering.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

One crucial thing is to NOT apply for welfare. Welfare is a communist plot lifted directly from Joseph Stalin's Communist Manifesto (1968). Stalin, a member of the Democrat Party, invented welfare for the express purpose of providing "reparations" for slavery. Under current laws inspired by this, money is taken directly out of white people's paychecks and forwarded to all the blacks in the country. Each one receives this handsome stipend just for being black, with the result that they can live in luxury without having to work a day in their lives. This is why it is essential for you to vote Republican, to stop this.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

One crucial thing is to NOT apply for welfare. Welfare is a communist plot lifted directly from Joseph Stalin's Communist Manifesto (1968). Stalin, a member of the Democrat Party, invented welfare for the express purpose of providing "reparations" for slavery. Under current laws inspired by this, money is taken directly out of white people's paychecks and forwarded to all the blacks in the country. Each one receives this handsome stipend just for being black, with the result that they can live in luxury without having to work a day in their lives. This is why it is essential for you to vote Republican, to stop this.

I see. Work, then, could produce hyper-luxury? The diamond-encrusted shoes? The gold-plated Rolls-Royce? The sapphire-adorned significant other?

I'm glad you mentioned Stalin. Princess Olga in her diary before her whole family was lined up against the wall (or more probably just shot where they stood (or sat)) noticed that her grandfather, Tsar Alexander III, postdated a great "Liberator" i.e. Tsar Alexander II (contemporaneous with Abraham Lincoln and even more liberal, providing land and employment for the serfs [building railroads for their own subsequent transport to find improved opportunities]) and was so draconian in his repression as to bring down communism—she opined, recall her situation—upon rich and poor alike. Commies still exist. They reject God. From what I can make out, they reject everything else as well. Here is a communist car.

Nicholas I • Alexander II Liberator • Alexander III • Nicholas II shot

Don't take my word for it. Look up the names; there's only four of them pretty easy to find, five if you include Princess Olga. Stalin is a footnote to history, or more likely a maggot consuming its pages and exuding communism from the pores of his skin; he's already passed into the bonfire of glorious riddance.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

Making lists is a productive way to spend one's time. I make one list of the reasons Jesus is pleased with me and my partners here at Landover Baptist. I make another list of why Jesus dislikes Catholics, atheists, foreigners and all the others not like True Christians™.

Rereading these lists, adding to them and editing is almost a full time hobby. I recommend starting your own set.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

I followed your suggestion, decided to do a pictorial list. Communism is particularly offensive to Christ as are idols and "religious icons" (just another name for idols) also bits of toenail/hair/bone/finger.

Nails From The Cross

Shrouds Of Turin

Statues That Bleed

(Or cry tears or drink milk.)

Anyway, I started off with Stalin. And then a problem came up. There's plenty of pictures of Stalin but in many of them he's adorned with a halo and some mumbo-jumbo presumably a prayer to mutter or a declaration of his sainthood.

https://thepeoplescube.com/images/various_uploads/Stalin_Icon_3.jpg

I'm not going to post one but for those interested, there's a sample photograph showing the adoration in progress, at least I assume that's what it is. Alternatively a quick search would throw up a good selection. The problem is: should he be listed under false saints whom Jesus will spew from His mouth for being neither one thing nor the other? Or is he still a communist? Or, the third option I suppose, is he an idol?

Very confused. Any comment appreciated.

[Addonai]

Re: How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

Don't work. Pray. Statues of Stalin will bleed, when the fury of Lord will judge communists for the crimes on Crimea.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

In today's economy, we need to face the reality that not all of us are going to be "essential" or even marginally useful to the rest of society. It's unfortunate but it's true.

Unlike the negro, and the British, True American Christians have not developed a pre-planned strategy for long periods of unemployment. Having myself recently retired, I can share some tips for passing away the long hours.

First, develop a solid drinking habit. I know money's tight but a single 32oz malt liquor can fit into even the smallest budget if you're prepared to reach deep to the bottom shelf. One or preferably 6 per day is a reasonable target in the first year.

Second, put something away for the hard times ahead or for a treat on a rainy day. For example, an eighth of weed at the back of the freezer. Relax, the next welfare check will arrive in a day or two.

Third - many ideas - I know I'm missing an important one - but I have to dash, the plants need watering.

As someone who has studied the common negro for 35+ years, I can say that this is without a doubt a foolproof guide to unemployment checks. The disaster is what comes after the checks come in. They’re spent on marijuanas, rap music, expensive Nikes, and 40 ounce beers. Why our government lets this continue is beyond me. If you ask me, the government should be sendin people out to these nigras and givin them lectures about Philippians 4:6, Matthew 6:28, and the such. Best part is it would teach them about how Jesus hates the unemployed and it would cost less for taxpayers. I myself always maintain my jobs and at one point had over 35 blue collar worker offers in one month! Funny how easily I can find work nowadays when the lazy coloreds can’t seem to find one! Ha ha!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

I don't listen to the rap but know themes such as sitting around with what look like secretaries or taking 4 or 5 of them shopping in a diamond-encrusted Bugatti LINCOLN (I've just been informed 5 secretaries won't fit into a Bugatti) are well represented. This is clearly against Scripture.

Matthew 6:28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin

Neither toiling nor spinning as embodied in lilies is very different from the torpor promoted in rap. Similarly, the secretaries when shopping select raiment very different from any flower and due to their inability to sit still in their case what's put forward is less torpor and more turpitude. Theoretically they are unemployed, since their principal advocates leisure and they're his secretaries, but not in any way conforming to Christ's message of renewal. Christians should never listen to rap.

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

How much does rap contribute the spending habits you've described? The shoes in particular leave much to be desired.

[Isabella White]

Re: How to be unemployed: a True Christian guide

I don't listen to the rap but know themes such as sitting around with what look like secretaries or taking 4 or 5 of them shopping in a diamond-encrusted Bugatti LINCOLN (I've just been informed 5 secretaries won't fit into a Bugatti) are well represented. This is clearly against Scripture.

Matthew 6:28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin

Neither toiling nor spinning as embodied in lilies is very different from the torpor promoted in rap. Similarly, the secretaries when shopping select raiment very different from any flower and due to their inability to sit still in their case what's put forward is less torpor and more turpitude. Theoretically they are unemployed, since their principal advocates leisure and they're his secretaries, but not in any way conforming to Christ's message of renewal. Christians should never listen to rap.

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

How much does rap contribute the spending habits you've described? The shoes in particular leave much to be desired.

Oh, dear Sister Mitza: I'm afraid that I know nothing of this "rap" that you speak of -- well, not much, apart from the fact that every now and then, my Cathyolick teenaged neighbors think they have to play that dreadful M & M "music". Goodness knows that I'm trying to introduce them to Lawrence Welk's music; but, so far, it's not catching on to their liking.

Now, as for those secretaries that will not fit into the automobile, there is a very good reason for this. You see, Dear, I remember when the business world switched from the manual typewriters to the electric, "light touch" models. Instead of pounding away, furiously, as they had done for so many years, secretaries then had only to tap lightly on the keys. That resulted in less physical activity, and that new method burned fewer calories -- which caused them to pack on quite a few posterior pounds.

The alleged number of calories the secretaries ceased to burn upon switching from manual typewriters to electrics ranges from 60 calories per day to 200, the resultant weight gain from 4 pounds to 20. When a time frame is specified for this epidemic, it may be the 1940s, the 1950s, or occasionally the year 1960.

https://www.straightdope.com/2134410...gain-20-pounds

And, in having a job that requires sitting all day long, and without the benefit of using any effort to press the keys on their machines, those secretaries not only became fat, but they also disobeyed the Almighty, as written in the :

I Corinthians 10:31 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of ."

In the photo that follows, kindly notice how these office workers (from the manual typewriter days) are in such fine shape, all from getting their daily exercise, as they so enthusiastically strike the keys of their machines:



Compare those ladies to this next situation, and you will see the difference. It's little wonder that five secretaries will not fit into an automobile!