Help needed.

[Joe Rolandowsky]

I just caught my eldest teenage son touching himself in an impure manner. I knew that I should have sacrificed him to the LORD, according to scripture.

"And he said, Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and get you into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering on one of the mountains which I will tell you of". Genesis 22:2

Now, what do I do with this impure child?

[James Hutchins]

Re: Help needed.

I suggest having him go to the Honorable Joseph G. Clayton rest stop on I-80. There's a hole in one of the stalls. Have him stand agains the hole. Assure you (I hope) hell never think about it again.

Spare the rod, spoil the child, I always say.

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Help needed.

Joseph G. Clayton rest stop on I-80.

Is that the one with the nice row of pine trees to the South, near the pet rest area, and the picnic tables?


Not that I have ever been there.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Help needed.

Is that the one with the nice row of pine trees to the South, near the pet rest area, and the picnic tables?


Not that I have ever been there.

If it has J.H. carved into the tops of the tables with IIIV then yes.

[Nobar King]

Re: Help needed.

Now, what do I do with this impure child?

Pastor Ezekiel has written extensively on this topic.
STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

[Bob4God]

Re: Help needed.

Indeed, Pastor Zeke and myself have discussed this grave issue in great detail, and he is a GODly authority on the matter.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Help needed.

I just caught my eldest teenage son touching himself in an impure manner. I knew that I should have sacrificed him to the LORD, according to scripture.

"And he said, Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and get you into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering on one of the mountains which I will tell you of". Genesis 22:2

Now, what do I do with this impure child?

You might consider signing him up for Landover's Summer Vacation Bible Gun Camp for sissy boys. We have a couple of slots still open.

[Tertius The Scribe]

Re: Help needed.

I recommend procuring an item of chastity.

I am personally wearing a water proof Virgin-Guard 9000X. I have a special chip imbedded in both hands that ensures whenever I touch myself down there, even in the shower or when urinating, I get a very nasty shock.

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Help needed.

Thanks for the advice!

[Johnnyboy]

Re: Help needed.

If all else fails. you can always cut off his thumbs.

Good luck

Johnny Ray James