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  • eliot mayfield
    God Squad
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 9324
    #1

    Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

    The other night in our "God is Groovy" wrap session, one of the teen girls asked me why we don't allow kids with zits into church. After my dissapointment wore off and I counted to twenty to calm down, I sent her packing with a KJV1611 and told her to memorize Leveiticus before I'd let her out:
    Leviticus 21

    Whosoever hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God. ... Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries

    Then I got the other kids and and told them the facts about acne. Let your kids know these facts too.
    Hormones are raging in kids bodies causing them to develop into adults. These hormones can upset the brain. That's why we must be super vigilent around teens. They may cause thoughts that are impure. Every impure thought leads to a zit. They more zits the more wicked the teen.
    Matthew:
    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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    • maverickxeo
      Confirmed Enemy of God
      • Jan 2007
      • 261
      #2
      Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

      Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
      The other night in our "God is Groovy" wrap session, one of the teen girls asked me why we don't allow kids with zits into church. After my dissapointment wore off and I counted to twenty to calm down, I sent her packing with a KJV1611 and told her to memorize Leveiticus before I'd let her out:
      Leviticus 21

      Whosoever hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God. ... Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries

      Then I got the other kids and and told them the facts about acne. Let your kids know these facts too.
      Hormones are raging in kids bodies causing them to develop into adults. These hormones can upset the brain. That's why we must be super vigilent around teens. They may cause thoughts that are impure. Every impure thought leads to a zit. They more zits the more wicked the teen.
      So basically, all teens are going to Hell?

        Comment

        • eliot mayfield
          God Squad
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 9324
          #3
          Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

          True Christian (tm) kids with pure thoughts do not get zits and are not going to hell.
          Matthew:
          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


          sigpic

            Comment

            • maverickxeo
              Confirmed Enemy of God
              • Jan 2007
              • 261
              #4
              Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

              Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
              True Christian (tm) kids with pure thoughts do not get zits and are not going to hell.
              Oh really? Are you sure they just aren't using medications or cremes?

                Comment

                • eliot mayfield
                  God Squad
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 9324
                  #5
                  Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                  Boys who wear make up are hellbound. We do not allow our children to worship in the goth cult. You should know that by now.
                  Matthew:
                  5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                  5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                  10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                  10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


                  sigpic

                    Comment

                    • maverickxeo
                      Confirmed Enemy of God
                      • Jan 2007
                      • 261
                      #6
                      Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                      Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                      Boys who wear make up are hellbound. We do not allow our children to worship in the goth cult. You should know that by now.
                      Goth isn't a cult; it's a style. It's not make-up, either. You should know that by now.

                        Comment

                        • Pastor Ezekiel
                          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                           
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 78556
                          #7
                          Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                          Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                          The other night in our "God is Groovy" wrap session, one of the teen girls asked me why we don't allow kids with zits into church. After my dissapointment wore off and I counted to twenty to calm down, I sent her packing with a KJV1611 and told her to memorize Leveiticus before I'd let her out:
                          Leviticus 21

                          Whosoever hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God. ... Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries

                          Then I got the other kids and and told them the facts about acne. Let your kids know these facts too.
                          Hormones are raging in kids bodies causing them to develop into adults. These hormones can upset the brain. That's why we must be super vigilent around teens. They may cause thoughts that are impure. Every impure thought leads to a zit. They more zits the more wicked the teen.
                          PRAISE JESUS!! Well said Brother Eliot!! Those zit-faced teens need to know that Jesus hates pus! If they would just stop wearing gothtard makeup and keep their hands off their cooters and tallywackers, those oozing boils would go away.

                          That, plus praying harder to Jesus, who never had a zit in His life.
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • Brother Temperance
                              Senior Usher
                              True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                              A very nice young man
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 15621
                              #8
                              Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                              Originally posted by maverickxeo View Post
                              Goth isn't a cult; it's a style. It's not make-up, either. You should know that by now.
                              What do you mean it's not make-up? Do you seriously think that they're born like that?
                              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                                Comment

                                • Daniel
                                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                  • Feb 2007
                                  • 113
                                  #9
                                  Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                                  Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                                  The other night in our "God is Groovy" wrap session, one of the teen girls asked me why we don't allow kids with zits into church. After my dissapointment wore off and I counted to twenty to calm down, I sent her packing with a KJV1611 and told her to memorize Leveiticus before I'd let her out:
                                  Leviticus 21

                                  Whosoever hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God. ... Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries

                                  Then I got the other kids and and told them the facts about acne. Let your kids know these facts too.
                                  Hormones are raging in kids bodies causing them to develop into adults. These hormones can upset the brain. That's why we must be super vigilent around teens. They may cause thoughts that are impure. Every impure thought leads to a zit. They more zits the more wicked the teen.
                                  I agree completely. I go to a suck-ular high school. The most wicked (goth) kids have so many zits you can barely see their face!

                                    Comment

                                    • OnYourKnees
                                      On Extended Furlough
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Nov 2006
                                      • 4729
                                      #10
                                      Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                                      Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                                      or he that hath a flat nose,
                                      Haven't most Negroes rather flat noses?

                                      Perhaps they can get nose jobs.

                                        Comment

                                        • Rev. Dr. Davidson
                                          Forum Member
                                          Forum Member
                                          • Jan 2007
                                          • 1439
                                          #11
                                          Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                                          Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
                                          Perhaps they can get nose jobs.
                                          We've all seen what happens when a young black man aspires to become a white woman. (I offer into evidence, Michael Jackson.) I'm still not sure if he/she/it even has a real nose anymore.
                                          "If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
                                          (Leviticus 21:6-7)

                                            Comment

                                            • MapesInmate
                                              Foul Sinner on Moderation
                                              • Mar 2007
                                              • 43
                                              #12
                                              Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                                              I had acne long before I reached puberty. So screw you.

                                              And how did you know that that "blemish" didn't mean "birthmark" or "disfiguiring scar"?

                                                Comment

                                                • MapesInmate
                                                  Foul Sinner on Moderation
                                                  • Mar 2007
                                                  • 43
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Acne, zits, pimples= Hell, sinner.

                                                  Originally posted by Rev. Dr. Davidson View Post
                                                  We've all seen what happens when a young black man aspires to become a white woman. (I offer into evidence, Michael Jackson.) I'm still not sure if he/she/it even has a real nose anymore.
                                                  You may have a point there.

                                                    Comment

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