True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

I hate to sound like a busy-body...... but I've noticed that Sister Victory does not have any "buns in the oven" yet and they have been married almost 3 whole months! Are there any tips we can give her? (or him. He could be wearing his shorts too tight you know)

I've heard standing on your head with a KJV1611 Bible balanced on your feet after "the dirty deed" helps.

Your tips?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

In my experience as a True Christian(tm) Pastor, it is always the woman's fault. Brother Richards is a manly man, and his steady diet of coffee, donuts and coffee shows that he is at peak health.

If women try harder, keep a clean house, keep their husband happy and in ample pies, then Jeus will bless them with a fine son. Just look at sister Mary Maria!

[Rachel Wheat]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

you call yourself a christian, yet you are unable to accept someone? god's love is unconditional. he loves homosexuals regaurdless. he created a person and gave them flaws. everyone has flaws. you arent better than anyone. someone who is gay is still a human and can still love god. ANYONE that lives a good life, loves & has faith in god, is honest, and treats others then way they want to be treated is accepted into heaven. even murderers can go to heaven. (as long as they are TRUELY sorry for theyre sins and love/believe in god) GOD LOVES EVERYONE UNCONDITIONALLY.

this is the most distgusting, close-mided site i have ever witnessed. you call yourselves "christians". you're all far from it. you all think youre above everyone and treat others like dirt.

you put woman, people of other races, and homosexuals down. people cannot help who they are. people cannot help if theyre born, gay, or as a woman. and they cannot chose what race they are.

you claim to love god, yet you hate the very beings that he created? you judge people by theyre sins when YOU have no right to. you just people that you dont even know based on the color of theyre skin, or who they love.

just because i am half african-american and half white, does not make me any less of a person. i love jesus and i try my best to be a good person.

everyone has flaws, and it's important to learn from your mistakes. jesus is VERY forgiving! everone on this site seems to forget that.

this website is a CULT of pure hatred. youre brainwashing people and everything you stand for is wrong

im a proud to be CATHOLIC. i am proud to have the real faith and to love god.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

First of all I will say that you type pretty darn good for a 1/2 black gal but you use it in evil ways to mock and persecute True Christians. Please show more respect on GOD'S Favorite Forum . You don't see us going to your Blackie the Jungle bunny website and spreading hate there now do you? Maybe its not all your fault. Did your Mamma teach you any manors? Most black mom's don't. They let their "chilluns" run around like wild animals.

I also wonder how your hateful, racist rant will help GODLY Sister Victory make a new soldier for JESUS.

Please stop derailing our Christian threads with your hate rants it will only speed up your trip to HELL. And please don't leave your watermellon rinds, chicken leg bones and banana peels laying about around here. It's unsightly and someone may slip on them.

Helpful, Sister Thumper

[Robert Hutchins]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

God doesn't hate. But that doesn't save you from an eternity in damnation.

Have you asked our newlywed Sister to bring some pie into church to taste? Nothing makes a man unable to perform the nasty deed of intercourse like a horrible pie!

[SUV]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

Well! If Officer Don was Home more often it would Certainly help matters!

Oh where oh where can he be?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

I've heard standing on your head with a KJV1611 Bible balanced on your feet after "the dirty deed" helps.

Your tips?

Precious Thumper, you reminded me of the "inverted Dixie cup" method of immaculate conception. Perhaps a gal as pure as our Sister VOS might want to avoid that naughty pokey thing and try the Dixie cup method as she recites "Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." HELPFUL MOTHER GLENDORA

[VictoryOS]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

I also wonder how your hateful, racist rant will help GODLY Sister Victory make a new soldier for JESUS.

Thank you Sister Thumper. When I read her wretched and unholy thoughts on homosexuals, I thought, "What exactly does this have to do with me?"

Back on topic, I'm really not sure why Jesus hasn't blessed us with a little soldier yet although I realize it's not my place to question His Plans. Whenever we perform the act, I always close my eyes and quietly hum The Battle Hymn of the Republic until it's over. I usually don't even get past the second verse.

Is there anything I can do or another hymn I can think of that would be more pleasing to the Lord? And what is this Dixie Cup Method? Anything that would produce Christian Soldiers without all that barbaric poking around would be preferable.

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

How do you know that sister victory isn't pregnant? For all we know she could be 3 months pregnant as we speak. If not for the fact that she was a True Christian lady, above the vices of the flesh, she could very well be 9 months pregnant, maybe 20. Let's give the woman some time, folks.

Getting drunk, welfare incentives, promiscuity and whacky tobacky seems to help the nigresses, but of course that isn't behavior suited to a woman of Sister Victory's status.

To ensure godly offspring the Bible should be positioned on the floor in a room on the highest level of the home. The woman should do a head stand, resting the top of her head on the Bible. The bible should be opened to Matthew 19:5. then the act must occur while the woman's is upside down. The most godly seed will travel quickly toward the Bible and arrive at the womb first.

[SUV]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

Is there anything I can do or another hymn I can think of that would be more pleasing to the Lord? And what is this Dixie Cup Method? Anything that would produce Christian Soldiers without all that barbaric poking around would be preferable.

I'm not Sure about its being Pleasing to The Lord, Sister, but perhaps humming Flight of the Bumblebee would speed up this vile process.

It always worked for myself and Pastor Kenneth

PS Pastor Kenneth, Pastor Kenneth....will you ever come Home? How much longer must you Minister to the homer!s of San Fran?

[eliot mayfield]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

Is there anything I can do or another hymn I can think of that would be more pleasing to the Lord?

I would recommend. "Bringing in the Sheaves"

[Rachel Wheat]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

First of all I will say that you type pretty darn good for a 1/2 black gal but you use it in evil ways to mock and persecute True Christians. Please show more respect on GOD'S Favorite Forum . You don't see us going to your Blackie the Jungle bunny website and spreading hate there now do you? Maybe its not all your fault. Did your Mamma teach you any manors? Most black mom's don't. They let their "chilluns" run around like wild animals.

I also wonder how your hateful, racist rant will help GODLY Sister Victory make a new soldier for JESUS.

Please stop derailing our Christian threads with your hate rants it will only speed up your trip to HELL. And please don't leave your watermellon rinds, chicken leg bones and banana peels laying about around here. It's unsightly and someone may slip on them.

Helpful, Sister Thumper

first of all, my mother is white. how she raised me is none of your business. but i can tell you one thing and it is that she raised me to respect everyone and not to think im better than anyone.

look how YOUR mother raised you. you think youre superior than everyone, when you deffinetly arent.

what right do you have to tell me im going to hell? who are you to judge. we all make mistakes, and im sure you have, but jesus still loves us.

good luck to you i guess

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

first of all, my mother is white. how she raised me is none of your business. but i can tell you one thing and it is that she raised me to respect everyone and not to think im better than anyone.

look how YOUR mother raised you. you think youre superior than everyone, when you deffinetly arent.

what right do you have to tell me im going to hell? who are you to judge. we all make mistakes, and im sure you have, but jesus still loves us.

good luck to you i guess

*sigh* This thread isn't the place sinner.

Go HERE first.

If you want hands on support click HERE, read the thread and consider yourself rebuked. Or you can attempt to argue with your betters like a complete idiot devoid of any biblical knowledge like Satan's False Word. You know, you salad bar christians are the worst. Especially catholics. You don't even read the Bible, worship a pedophile protecting pope and then have the nerve to question those who actually have read the Bible cover to cover. What nerve.

!!!NOW GET OFF THIS THREAD BEFORE I BAN YOUR ARSE!!!!

This thread is to help Sister Victory be victorius in child bearing.

[Larry Lee]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

Like Brother Remy suggests, it might be true that Sister Victory is heavy (or, at this early point in time, light) with Officer Richards' first born son -- and she doesn't even know it!

Still, as any farmer will tell you, in order to reap a bountiful harvest, you need to prepare the seedbed first. Just plunking your seed into a crooked, ill-prepared furrow isn't good enough. The earth must be prepared, and the heavy clay must be broken, to produce a friable, receptive seedbed. If Officer Richard's disk isn't adequate for the job, maybe he should try using an accessory implement.

[Wide-Open]

Re: True Christian Tips to Help Newly Weds Conceive

My mother used to say that when she was pregnant, she used to feel very hungry, and had to vomit quite often. These are tell-tale signs of pregnancy.

Sister Vic, do you feel particularly hungry these days?