I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

[Noah Dint]

Bretheren and Ladies,

I pray to our almighty God that I may receive guidance and support in my families time of need. I need help. It takes a truly spiritual man to know when the issues at hand are bigger than he is and I do not take lightly my plead to you.

Our teenage son is posessed.

He is 16 and has no interest in anything. Not cars, not getting his driver's license, not girls. (Do not fear. He is not a faggot) He sits on the couch in our back room and just stares into space. All the while his hands are trembling, his thumbs flicking wildly, and he occasionally yells out in true Tourettes fashion.

The boy will not eat, sleep, or participate in any family goings-ons when he is in this mode. I truly believe he is posessed. And my lovely bride and myself believe we even know how this demon has entered our house and possessed our son's soul.

It all started when we purchased an Xbox360 for him. The demon had been packaged in the box along with the game machine. Within a week we began seeing him less and less. Then we would hear noises and find him in the back room with a headset on - all wild eyed - and yelling at voices he heard coming from the television - JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIE POLTERGEIST !

We are unsure of what to do for him. Will immersing this Microsoft machine from hell in holy water pull the demon from his body and send it back whence it came?

I have spent the past 8 months trying to find scripture pertaining to video games or Xbox in the bible and alas cannot.

Please help us in our time of need. If you read this and have any idea what so ever on what to do, or perhaps know of any simular cases of posession and do not post, you are doing everyone an injustice.

In our Lord's name I pray for guidance...

-ND

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

I have heard about great success with parents using an electric cattle prod on children to coax out any demons who may have entered their colon from playing video games.

Good luck Brother.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

How often to you beat the boy? Not often enough, I'd say.

The Holy Bible tells us to beat our children hard and often. Don't worry about hurting them. You may break a few bones and cause some brain damage, but it isn't going to kill them. And even if they do die, they'll be better off. They'll thank you in heaven for beating the hell out of them.

Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 23:14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

[Jed_Cassidy]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

Brother I have read through your child's symptoms, and must ask, are you sure he is not homosexical?

Mrs. Cassidy insisted on buying our 6 little Soldiers one of them Damned Video Gaming systems last year's CHRISTmas. The stoopid woman also insisted on buying the boys that game that had always wanted... the one that encourages blasphemous acts such as rock and roll and suggesting that men and women can share equal roles in any organization, be it music or government...Guitar Hero, yes! That was it.

Anyways, two days after my boys had played with that game system, my middle son, Elijah started dressing up and acting like this:



A DAMNED HOMO HE WAS! The other 5 boys and I shot both of his knees with the BB guns I had gotten 'em (REAL Christian boy presents) for about two hours straight, despite Elijah's pleas. I then proceeded to administer my own special dose of punishment to the boy, involving whipping him with an ol' switch and Bible study for the whole of next day. It seems to have helped. He no longers lisps when he talks (which is pretty rare nowadays). He still has a whimper going on that I've been trying to get rid of by dumping benzene in his bedsheets while he sleeps, and some times he just breaks down and cries like a sissy. But hey, we're moving in the right direction

The point of this story is, Brother, that you may want to do some investigating to see if your boy may be turning into the Gay. I've seen it happen with one of my own boys, and I wouldn't want to wish the same fate on you. THis whole experience hasn't been harder for anyone but myself

And take my word for it, that was the LAST time that I let Bernadette suggest anything or talk to me in disagreement about anything! I made sure her lesson was learned by making each of my favorite pies thrice and having all my pigs crap all over the bathroom and have her clean it up (did this four times a week for four months---a very effective strategy for disciplining your wife, take note Brothers).

[Noah Dint]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

How often to you beat the boy? Not often enough, I'd say.

So beating the boy more will prevent further posession? Will it rid him of this demon?

It may very well be that I have failed as a good father. I was under the impression that he had been beaten enough for his own good. I try very hard to find a good and proper reason for daily beatings - and if it is a day where the boy is striving for perfection then I beat him for "something I may have missed."

As a good and faithful father I insure the proper dicipline of my wife and children at every opportunity. I have obviously missed some opportunities and will make every effort to keep my eyes wide open for more.

-ND

[Noah Dint]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

Brother Jed,

I do not believe the boy is gay. Simply posessed. He does not change his clothes, bathe, or care about his outward appearance. This would be a concern to a homo.

He is simply posessed. 18 - 20 hours a day sitting in the same spot playing "that damned Xbox".

We need some advice on what to do with this heathen hellchild from my wife's loins! How would one "un-possess" a teenager?

Yours in Christ,

-ND

[Hank]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

Dont worry about not changing cloths or bathing, only homasexual faggits do that. Your not a homasexual faggit are you?

[WWJDnow]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

Yes, beating is definitely the way to go.

If that doesn't work, I'm afraid the only hope is the Landover Baptist home for the Demonically Possessed. It's not the most pleasant choice, but it beats the Hell out of going to Hell.

BTW, please keep your son far away from any farm animals.

[Noah Dint]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

Thank you brother for such kind advice. It is through pure and true love and concern for others like you have displayed here that I am able to carry the weight of being the head of this family and insure that I do what is right. You have opened my heart and filled my head with pure goodness and joy.

I shall increase the beatings immediately.

-ND

[Bob4God]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

Well I think you ought to just take that xBox out in the backyard and shoot it up! The xBox is a tool of the devil, a device designed by satan to open a gateway to hell which allows demons into the minds of your children, and into the heart of your home!

This became apparent when I saw some kids playing a game called "Doom" at a youth center I used to frequent in Kansas.

DESTROY IT! NOW!

[Wrong_Headed]

Bretheren and Ladies,

I have spent the past 8 months trying to find scripture pertaining to video games or Xbox in the bible and alas cannot.

You are a raging idiot. I would hate to have a father like you, one who had anything to do with these people. And Pastor Zeke, you are the first person I have ever met that I thought deserved to burn in hell. Congratulations.

Oh, and my advice? Take the kid to see a doctor. He imay have tourette, a verified illness. He is not possessed. Don't beat him, or cattle prod him, or anything cruel like that. You are a bad man if you do anything to punish a sick child.

Go ahead and laugh at me for my spelling mistakes. I'm already laughing at all of you for your retarded advice.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

You are a raging idiot. I would hate to have a father like you, one who had anything to do with these people. And Pastor Zeke, you are the first person I have ever met that I thought deserved to burn in hell. Congratulations.

Oh, and my advice? Take the kid to see a doctor. He imay have tourette, a verified illness. He is not possessed. Don't beat him, or cattle prod him, or anything cruel like that. You are a bad man if you do anything to punish a sick child.

Go ahead and laugh at me for my spelling mistakes. I'm already laughing at all of you for your retarded advice.

Go spew your hatred somewhere else. We follow the Holy Bible word for word here, pal.

[Noah Dint]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

You are a raging idiot. I would hate to have a father like you...

Glory to God! Praise His name!

Yes.. you WOULD hate to have a father like me. I find that to be of the greatest of compliments a True Christian(tm) could ever receive! Thank you sir! Glory!

What a wonderful way to start the day before His day! I praise God for the great gift that you have bestowed upon me this morning.

I also praise God that you are not one of my children. You are just a man. A heathenistic worldly man! A flawed individual!

2 Timothy 3:2
For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy..

My children rise to a completely different and much less worldly standard. From the moment they came from my Glorious wife's loins, we have asked the Lord and The Church(tm) for advice in their PROPER raising! As it is written:

Genisis 31:43
These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and these cattle are my cattle, and all that thou seest is mine: and what can I do this day unto these my daughters, or unto their children which they have born?

As the rest of this congregation will agree, it is a child that is raised to know his/her place within the household that is a true blessing to others!

Praise Jesus on this most Glorious day and thank you for the compliment!

-ND and family

[michael the kraut]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

Ok @ the original poster - you're an idiot.

The pastor that puts stud back into study group or whatever it was - you should be beaten and cattle prodded.

Are you people seriously allowed to vote or care for children. Your children should be taken away from you and put into secular homes, where logic prevails over ignorance and superstition.

Only on a religious nutcase forum would this thread not be riddiculed. Quite frankly your child lacks discipline, its not a demon - they don't exist you idiot - but thats not to say you should beat him to the stage where he has brain damage as recommended by someone earlier - unless of course you want him to follow the bulshit you are preaching. He may also have a medical condition take him to a doctor incase - don't just pray to Santa, sorry i mean Jesus - i sometimes forget which imaginery figure i'm referring to, my apologies once more.

Simply, you people are a public menace!

[Once was lost]

Re: I fear our son is posessed by a demon from hell.

Noah, do you live near the Ocean? This may seem like a shot in the Dark, but it just might work. I have witnessed this twice in my lifetime with other Teenagers who seemed to be with the same symptoms of your son. In one case it was a success right away. The other case? Will i won't go into that one right now but lets get back to the first case. The Father grabbed the kid by the pants and neck and walked down to the Wharf. He tossed the boy into the ocean and the kid came ashore completely cured. Now when his Parents call him for Church he goes directly to the car without hesitation.

The second case. The Father tried the same but forgot that the Harbor was full of ice.( we live on an island in the North Atlantic) The boy never hit the water but the ice. The drop was only 30 feet, ( will maybe a bit more because the Tide was low.) The boy has not changed much but drools a bit and has lost the ability of several limbs but the Parents take time to read Scripture to him and through the Grace of God might someday get up out of bed and walk to Church.