Choosing the Right College

[H. Montague Worthington]

My grandson Monty IV is finishing up his junior year in high school this month, and this summer will be spent choosing a proper college. Monty seems to want to go far away to college, for some reason.

I'm trying to steer him to a nice Christian college, like Landover Baptist, Grove City, Wheaton, Liberty, Regent, or Bob Jones. Some of the applications to his more liberal choices, like Indiana Wesleyan or College of the Ozarks, "accidentally" found their way to the bottom of the trash can.

Does anyone have any advice for convincing a young man that he should attend a Christian college? Any recommendations?

[Larry Lee]

Re: Choosing the Right College

Monty, all young people should be as fortunate as your grandson to have a grandfather who's so concerned about the young person's education and spiritual development.

There's only one place to send the boy:

Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Virginia

"For Christ & for liberty"

This fine institution just received its accreditation from the Transnational Association of Christian Colleges and Schools, which is the organization Jerry Falwell invented -- just prior to dying -- as a way to confer the patina of legitimacy on Christ-centered colleges -- institutions that remain Godly in their refusal to teach evolution and other secular topics (sexuality, constitutional law, French philosophy, etc).

Not only that, but there's a good chance your grandson will get the chance to serve in the Iranian Provisional Authority, which will be established soon. Back in the halcyon, opening days of our Iraqi occupation, when Iraqi women could still be paid to throw flowers at our troops, Patrick Henry graduates served with distinction throughout the Coalition Provisional Authority, merrily routing veeery large budgets to programs where the money would do the most good, such as to abstinence education, short-courses on Swiss finance law, and travel grants to young Muslim males from throughout the Gulf, who yearned to visit the newly liberated Iraq and let the Americans know how much they appreciated Democracy.

Think about it, Monty. Liberty University is now a corpulent shell of its former self, now that its imperial Chancellor, Jerry, has taken his fund-raising genius to the other side. Regent University is now a disgraced institution, thanks to the craven capitulations and lies of Sarah Goodling. Meanwhile, Bob Jones University is now so un-naturally permissive that it allows inter-sex hand-holding and same-sex barefoot showers (no longer do flip-flops protect dorm residents' feet from the contagion lurking on moist communal shower floors) .... So you see. Patrick Henry College is the only place left to send a True Christian™ youth, one who demands less in his education.

Also, did I forget to mention that last spring Patrick Henry fired most of its faculty for failing to teach in accord with God's Biblical principles? The college just has so much going for it!

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Choosing the Right College

From the Patrick Henry College catalog:

"[W]e have a new President, Dr. Graham Walker, an evangelical Christian educator and leader with extensive academic credentials, who has written eloquently about the trend of Christian colleges drifting from their biblical roots. Dr. Walker is a man who has devoted his life to higher education, and who understands that no matter how excellent the education, if hearts and minds are not constantly submitted in humility to the Lordship of Jesus, men can be tempted to seek the world’s acceptance on intellectual or philosophical terms and too often lose sight of spiritual truth. Just as importantly, our new President understands, through his own sincere walk of faith, that the facts are always on God’s side and that Truth has nothing to fear from genuine learning."

PRAISE!!

Thanks so much for your Godly advice, Brother Lee!!

I'm sure that once Monty IV discovers more about Patrick Henry College and their fine programs of Christian education (not to mention the cushy jobs they'll have in President Bush's third term), he'll drop his absurd notion of studying Jazz Dance at San Francisco State.

[Kazoo]

Re: Choosing the Right College

Well, would not it be prudent to respectfully allow him to make such a decision himself? One could assume that as you are forcing your hand in this to such a degree that you either are funding for a portion of the tuition else simply being overly-controlling and sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. If the former is true, then think of it this way: either you let him have a good say in the college and he gets a good education, else he drops out halfway through freshman year and your payment for tuition is wasted. If it is the latter, then you need to stop interfering in his affairs and allow him to make his own decisions about something of this magnitude, regardless of whether or not it will damn him to Hell for all of eternity.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Choosing the Right College

Well, would not it be prudent to respectfully allow him to make such a decision himself? One could assume that as you are forcing your hand in this to such a degree that you either are funding for a portion of the tuition else simply being overly-controlling and sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. If the former is true, then think of it this way: either you let him have a good say in the college and he gets a good education, else he drops out halfway through freshman year and your payment for tuition is wasted. If it is the latter, then you need to stop interfering in his affairs and allow him to make his own decisions about something of this magnitude, regardless of whether or not it will damn him to Hell for all of eternity.

You are the one sticking your nose into other folk's business, sissyboy.
We want you to read the Holy Bible, not try and destroy Christian lives.

[Kazoo]

Re: Choosing the Right College

You are the one sticking your nose into other folk's business, sissyboy.
We want you to read the Holy Bible, not try and destroy Christian lives.

And yet you are attempting to destroy the non-Christian's lives... Makes perfect sense! And I still maintain that I was posing a response to his question and in no way overstepping my boundaries in this.

-Kaze

[Deaner]

Re: Choosing the Right College

regardless of whether or not it will damn him to Hell for all of eternity.

So if you saw somebody you love and care about heading for a disaster of epic proportions you'd let them go on their way? Let's say they were just about to inject some marijuana or hashish into their veins; what would you do?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Choosing the Right College

So if you saw somebody you love and care about heading for a disaster of epic proportions you'd let them go on their way? Let's say they were just about to inject some marijuana or hashish into their veins; what would you do?

You're absolutely right. Out of the kindness of my heart and concern for their well-being, I would demonstrate for them how to properly roll a joint or fill a bowl and smoke it. Trying to inject leaves could indeed be hazardous to their health.

[Deaner]

Re: Choosing the Right College

You're absolutely right. Out of the kindness of my heart and concern for their well-being, I would demonstrate for them how to properly roll a joint or fill a bowl and smoke it. Trying to inject leaves could indeed be hazardous to their health.

You're a sick, sick person. Would you teach a paedophile the proper way to rape children?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Choosing the Right College

You're a sick, sick person. Would you teach a paedophile the proper way to rape children?

Who said anything about raping children? I was referring to the proper way to use marijuana and/or hashish.

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: Choosing the Right College

Who said anything about raping children? I was referring to the proper way to use marijuana and/or hashish.

It's a slippery slope of sin, heaven knows. One little puff and boom, the devil fills you with lust for Enrique Iglesias!

Furthermore, has anyone mentioned the importance of college in finding the proper Christian helpmate for life? After all, the school mission statement at Abilene Christian College is "look to your left, look to your right, your future mate might be in sight!"

YOu don't want to end up hitched to some drunken, gang-raped floozy who wears nipple tassles with little Greek letters on the ends? I wonder what kind of Sin-crusted babies would pop out of that easy-bake oven!

[Kazoo]

Re: Choosing the Right College

So if you saw somebody you love and care about heading for a disaster of epic proportions you'd let them go on their way? Let's say they were just about to inject some marijuana or hashish into their veins; what would you do?

And here we need to make the distinction between reality and a child's fantasy. Marijuana and hashish are both illegal substances, so for legality's sake I would do my best to prevent a person from possessing or using such drugs. Damming oneself to Hell, however, is an entirely separate and personal matter and as long as it is within the law, I see no reason to interfere.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Choosing the Right College

It's a slippery slope of sin, heaven knows. One little puff and boom, the devil fills you with lust for Enrique Iglesias!

There isn't enough dope in the world to make me lust after Enrique Iglesias.

[Deaner]

Re: Choosing the Right College

And here we need to make the distinction between reality and a child's fantasy. Marijuana and hashish are both illegal substances, so for legality's sake I would do my best to prevent a person from possessing or using such drugs. Damming oneself to Hell, however, is an entirely separate and personal matter and as long as it is within the law, I see no reason to interfere.

So let me see if I have this straight. You'd prevent your child from possibly going to jail but as far as being anally gang raped by demons with six foot barbed tallywhackers you'd let them make their own decision. Is that about right?

[Kazoo]

Re: Choosing the Right College

So let me see if I have this straight. You'd prevent your child from possibly going to jail but as far as being anally gang raped by demons with six foot barbed tallywhackers you'd let them make their own decision. Is that about right?

Yup, that about hits the nail on the head ^.^