[handmaiden]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Having been just recently counselled on derailing thread topics, can we get back to discussing female multiple orgasms here? Not that I enjoy discussing the subject or anything.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Have you ever heard of the Holy Bible, dear? It's a remarkable and inspiring autobiography-ish of Our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus. In it we read of history, and even the future. Jesus tells us that He will condemn most people to an eternity of torment and punishment (From Matthew 25:31–46), where they will experience crushing pain and horrors beyond belief (Matthew 3:12; 13:41-42).

And He does this why? Because of His great love for us!


John 3:16-17

[handmaiden]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Well, then 99.9 per cent of world's population are hellbound.

Yeah, that's one of the major talking points of the Bible.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Sure?Well, then 99.9 per cent of world's population are hellbound.

Have you ever heard of the Holy Bible, dear? It's a remarkable and inspiring autobiography-ish of Our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus. In it we read of history, and even the future. Jesus tells us that He will condemn most people to an eternity of torment and punishment (From Matthew 25:31–46), where they will experience crushing pain and horrors beyond belief (Matthew 3:12; 13:41-42).

[IAmTheTrueVillageIdiot]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

You are right precious Petal. JESUS never had a dirty mind. Only sinful, disgusting, HELLBOUND people do.

Sure?Well, then 99.9 per cent of world's population are hellbound.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Thanks to Landover Baptist, I now know that it was Satan providing all the powerful, pulsing orgasms of the past.

Before, I thought that it was my. . . umm. . . shower nozzle.


Hygienically Yours,
Handmaiden

Sweet Handmaiden,


May the protection of our Lord Jesus cover your womanly parts, preventing you from unseemly pleasures that do nothing to exalt and glorify God. The unnecessary and violent physical experience of female orgasm is to be shunned and we should teach young women of it as a part of their normal upbringing. All Christian ladies must know of the dangers this sensation can cause - including separation from the saving grace of our Lord.


Like you, I fell victim to the Moen shower head, which is extremely tempting when you place it on "Pulse" and turn it to level 9. Never do this while sitting in the tub with candles lit and the lights out! Never slowly let the water cascade in circles or you will soon find yourself losing the thoughts that our God prefers (as enumerated in Philippians 4:8). And NEVER alternate the temperature of the water slightly every few minutes. If you aren't certain of what to avoid, I can send you a video outlining these warnings if you'd like.


I hope my suggestions have saved you from hellfire. God is so good to us. I look forward to praising Him with you in Glory after the second coming.


Your loving friend,
NRL

[handmaiden]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Thanks to Landover Baptist, I now know that it was Satan providing all the powerful, pulsing orgasms of the past.

Before, I thought that it was my. . . umm. . . shower nozzle.


Hygienically Yours,
Handmaiden

[g0dl0vesme]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Multiple women who have had orgasms can confirm!

[Please Flush Me]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Apple juice.

My babysitter gives me apple juice -.-

[Minecraft10101]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

i believe that the reason that only colored people can please a woman is that they are sent from the devil himself. Thats why us whiteys got small penuses am i Right. AMEN.

[Please Flush Me]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

Well duh, of course Satan gives women orgasm. He's clearly a better ***revolting associations between Jesus Christ and fornicatory acts removed by moderator*** than God and Jesus since he must clearly take into consideration the feelings of his partner, whoever they may be.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

G_d wanted us to be fruitful and multiply. He also loved us so much that He made the act of sexual intercourse not only practical, but quite pleasurable. I know in my college days many a fine young thing thanked me for the multiple waves of orgasmic pleasure I caused.


You are denying the gift of our Creator if you refuse to accept His creation - and the act of sex is one thing He created, not the serpent.


Come to the current century any day now, Landover.

Are you familiar with God's commandments? Have you read Genesis recently? Or ever? I have. I'll make this in the form of a scroll for you and keep the numbers low:



1 God saw that Adam should not be alone & brought along numerous animals which Adam rejected Genesis 2:18-20
· · or are you suggesting that Adam was copulating with aardvarks or something?

2 God anæsthetised Adam, removed a rib, made a woman, no mention of connubial activity so far Genesis 2:21-23
· · and I wouldn't bother with any trick questions involving verse 24

3 Satan turns up Genesis 3:2-4
· · perhaps you were recalling this episode when you made your prurient remarks?

4 Adam and an as yet unnamed woman get the pervs Genesis 3:7
· · at which point you're probably thinking how ineffective aprons would be for the purpose

5 “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived” Genesis 4:1
· · there would seem to be less evidence supporting your position than the contrary



.

[Michael Hezekiah Esq]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

G_d wanted us to be fruitful and multiply. He also loved us so much that He made the act of sexual intercourse not only practical, but quite pleasurable. I know in my college days many a fine young thing thanked me for the multiple waves of orgasmic pleasure I caused.


You are denying the gift of our Creator if you refuse to accept His creation - and the act of sex is one thing He created, not the serpent.


Come to the current century any day now, Landover.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

I have little knowledge on such things so its good to hear the opinions of others

I've read your posts and wonder if you're a little preoccupied with certain topics? If you've associated with Bible deniers in the past, Methodists for example or Zoroastrians or others of that type, perhaps their obsessions have rubbed off on you a little. An introductory post would be the ideal place to tell us about your history and how much you love Jesus.

.click button to arrive at

.the introduction forum

SONG OF SOLOMON 1:3 Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.
context . KJV

[southerngirl97]

Re: Only SATAN Gives Women Orgasms!!!

I have little knowledge on such things so its good to hear the opinions of others