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Dear Friends and Parents,
During one of my marathon lectures at the University on "Mineral Formations in the Old Testament," I was shocked to see, out of the corner of my eye, a student doodling! Not only was she failing to actively recieve the priceless Scriptural wisdom I was so keen on imparting, this student, Katie Molloy, was defacing her KJV1611 gold-tipped Bible!
Of course, we immediately grabbed this HARLOT out of class and interrogated her. While even Department of Justice-approved methods of interrogation did not yield any positive results (we considered Katie an enemy combatant at this point), a scan through her KJV spoke volumes.
Prepare to be sickened.
On a number of verses, Katie drew a QUESTION MARK, presumably to indicate that she doubted the veracity of the Holy Scriptures! Well, I won't repeat her heresy by indicating which verses she had defaced, but they constituted core beliefs about the old age attained by our antediluvian forefathers, the propriety of slavery, God's total warfare against the unrighteous, and several elements of the hygeine code set out in the first five books of the Bible!
I screamed at Katie, "Do you THINK YOU KNOW BETTER THAN GOD?" And, TYPICAL WOMAN that she is, she cried and cried and said no, she just wasn't thinking. NO EXCUSE!
But then, the kicker:
Over Luke 21:32, "Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass away, till all be fulfilled," Katie had written "Jesus Was Wrong!"
Let me repeat that for those of you who fell off your chairs in righteous Godly anger, suffered from concussions, and hoped this was all a terrible dream:
She wrote, IN HER BIBLE, "Jesus Was Wrong!"
Well, I had no choice. I've filed a complaint with the Freehold Police asking that Katie be charged as a hate criminal. In the meantime, because she's a minor, unfortunately Katie won't be held in police custody. We're keeping her here at Landover U. As a school discipline for her OFFENSES to God, Katie will wear a clown outfit for the rest of the term and have a sign around her neck that says, "I SPAT ON CHRIST AS HE HUNG ON THE CROSS FOR ME."
Parents of Landover, I beg you -- PLEASE do not send your young women to Landover U. in a depraved state. There is only so much that even our advanced and humane system of Christian education can do for them.
Yours in the Love of Christ,
Prof. BAB
During one of my marathon lectures at the University on "Mineral Formations in the Old Testament," I was shocked to see, out of the corner of my eye, a student doodling! Not only was she failing to actively recieve the priceless Scriptural wisdom I was so keen on imparting, this student, Katie Molloy, was defacing her KJV1611 gold-tipped Bible!
Of course, we immediately grabbed this HARLOT out of class and interrogated her. While even Department of Justice-approved methods of interrogation did not yield any positive results (we considered Katie an enemy combatant at this point), a scan through her KJV spoke volumes.
Prepare to be sickened.
On a number of verses, Katie drew a QUESTION MARK, presumably to indicate that she doubted the veracity of the Holy Scriptures! Well, I won't repeat her heresy by indicating which verses she had defaced, but they constituted core beliefs about the old age attained by our antediluvian forefathers, the propriety of slavery, God's total warfare against the unrighteous, and several elements of the hygeine code set out in the first five books of the Bible!
I screamed at Katie, "Do you THINK YOU KNOW BETTER THAN GOD?" And, TYPICAL WOMAN that she is, she cried and cried and said no, she just wasn't thinking. NO EXCUSE!
But then, the kicker:
Over Luke 21:32, "Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass away, till all be fulfilled," Katie had written "Jesus Was Wrong!"
Let me repeat that for those of you who fell off your chairs in righteous Godly anger, suffered from concussions, and hoped this was all a terrible dream:
She wrote, IN HER BIBLE, "Jesus Was Wrong!"
Well, I had no choice. I've filed a complaint with the Freehold Police asking that Katie be charged as a hate criminal. In the meantime, because she's a minor, unfortunately Katie won't be held in police custody. We're keeping her here at Landover U. As a school discipline for her OFFENSES to God, Katie will wear a clown outfit for the rest of the term and have a sign around her neck that says, "I SPAT ON CHRIST AS HE HUNG ON THE CROSS FOR ME."
Parents of Landover, I beg you -- PLEASE do not send your young women to Landover U. in a depraved state. There is only so much that even our advanced and humane system of Christian education can do for them.
Yours in the Love of Christ,
Prof. BAB
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