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  • Justina Thyme
    Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
    True Christian™
    • Dec 2007
    • 1718
    #1

    Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

    Dear Brethren and Cistern, I've discovered the existence of a device that is sure to put an end to all those potty-training-related headaches that parents experience (not to mention the you-know-where aches the kiddies get from their parents)!

    INTRODUCING THE 1-2 FREE:

     Click image for larger version Name: ToiletKid.jpg Views: 1 Size: 12.3 KB ID: 1927268

    It's self-explanatory, it's sanitary, and best of all, it's 100% effective. This product will ensure that your little bastard darling will become toilet-trained in record time: As soon as s/he completes Numbers 1 and 2, s/he's FREE!

    The True Christian ™ inventor of this wonderful device wishes to remain anonymous (something about a silly class action lawsuit brought against him by a group of lieberal parents), so please PM me if you wish to order.

    Praise!
    Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

    1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

    A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
     Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
    LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27

     sigpic



    Tags: None
    • Dr. Santiago Solo
      On Permanent Assignment in Peru
      Forum Member
      • Dec 2007
      • 860
      #2
      Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

      I suppose that in order to make it really effective, the training is accompanied by a fair amount of spanking and Bible-reading. Here are a couple of useful verses:

      1 Samuel 25:22


      "So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall."


      1 Kings 14:10


      "Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone."


      Those should teach them that they have to use the potty, or else assume the consequences.
      Bringing Geology back to Christ!

      I believe Dr. Hovind to be completely innocent of the alleged crime of "tax evasion", and furthermore believe Hovind's 10 year sentence to be patently unjust and based upon an effort to silence his ministry.

        Comment

        • Brother Temperance
          Senior Usher
          True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
          A very nice young man
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15621
          #3
          Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

          Originally posted by SanzSolo View Post
          I suppose that in order to make it really effective, the training is accompanied by a fair amount of spanking and Bible-reading. Here are a couple of useful verses:

          Those should teach them that they have to use the potty, or else assume the consequences.
          Oh, I thought Justina was saying that the child should have to recite the whole of Numbers 1 and 2 before they're released. Did I misread her post or something?
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

            Comment

            • Dr. Santiago Solo
              On Permanent Assignment in Peru
              Forum Member
              • Dec 2007
              • 860
              #4
              Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

              Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
              Oh, I thought Justina was saying that the child should have to recite the whole of Numbers 1 and 2 before they're released. Did I misread her post or something?
              I don't remember any mention of those bodily functions in Numbers 1, or 2, but then again I have seriously neglected my Bible-memorising sessions. Still, one is never too young to start learning the Truth® of the Bible
              Bringing Geology back to Christ!

              I believe Dr. Hovind to be completely innocent of the alleged crime of "tax evasion", and furthermore believe Hovind's 10 year sentence to be patently unjust and based upon an effort to silence his ministry.

                Comment

                • Justina Thyme
                  Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
                  True Christian™
                  • Dec 2007
                  • 1718
                  #5
                  Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

                  Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                  Oh, I thought Justina was saying that the child should have to recite the whole of Numbers 1 and 2 before they're released. Did I misread her post or something?
                  Oh, no, Brother Temperance. I apologize for not being clearer. Please let me elaborate:

                  I was referring to the euphemisms "Number One" and "Number Two" that parents use when speaking to their small children about the bodily functions of urination and defecation, respectively. In my post, therefore, when the child has performed "Number One" and/or "Number Two," the parent may release the child from the training device and that child will be Free!

                  SanzSolo

                  I don't remember any mention of those bodily functions in Numbers 1, or 2, but then again I have seriously neglected my Bible-memorising sessions. Still, one is never too young to start learning the Truth® of the Bible
                  I agree with you, Brother SanzSolo--it is a True Christian™ parent's duty to teach their children well the Holy Word as the Code that they can live by!
                  Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

                  1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

                  A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
                   Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
                  LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27

                   sigpic



                    Comment

                    • Glendora Christianson
                      Spiritual Mother of LBC
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 2329
                      #6
                      Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

                      This one two free thing looks like its been around for a while, so it must be good. Only thing is, I'm not sure where the #1 goes. I remember my little Skeeter needed an extra large splash guard.

                      PS I like this antique one as it would discourage the toddler from committing the grave sin of touching one's private parts.
                      Attached Files
                      Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.

                        Comment

                        • Justina Thyme
                          Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
                          True Christian™
                          • Dec 2007
                          • 1718
                          #7
                          Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

                          That certainly does look like a well-crafted piece of equipment, Mother Glyndie. Little Skeeter must have been quite the precocious young man!
                          Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

                          1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

                          A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
                           Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
                          LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27

                           sigpic



                            Comment

                            • Pastor Ezekiel
                              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                               
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 78556
                              #8
                              Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

                              At least we don't do it like the perverted chinks!

                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                Comment

                                • Mrs. Mary Whitford
                                  Ladies of Landover Senior VP
                                  One of the Truest Christians™ Ever
                                  Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Dec 2006
                                  • 12414
                                  #9
                                  Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

                                  Originally posted by Justina Thyme View Post
                                  I was referring to the euphemisms "Number One" and "Number Two" that parents use when speaking to their small children about the bodily functions of urination and defecation, respectively.
                                  In our household they're color-coded, so you're either taking an "oriental" or a "nigra". It's easier to remember which is which that way so there's no confusion.
                                  For example...
                                  "That was a long car ride. I need to oriental like a racehorse. Woman, there'd better be a beer and a sandwich ready when I'm done!"
                                  "Mr. Whitford, sir. May I please leave the cage for five minutes so I can take a nigra, sir?"
                                  See? No confusion.
                                  Posted via Prayer

                                  1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
                                  Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

                                  Blogging for CHRIST!
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                                  All a-Twitter for Salvation!
                                  Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
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                                  My Ladies of Landover profile!

                                    Comment

                                    • Justina Thyme
                                      Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Dec 2007
                                      • 1718
                                      #10
                                      Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

                                      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                      At least we don't do it like the perverted chinks!

                                      Pastor Zeke, that was absolutely sickening. But it did serve to heighten my gratitude to Jesus for letting me be born in His favorite country, so I must thank you for posting it!

                                      Originally posted by Sister Mary Maria:

                                      In our household they're color-coded, so you're either taking an "oriental" or a "nigra". It's easier to remember which is which that way so there's no confusion.
                                      For example...
                                      "That was a long car ride. I need to oriental like a racehorse. Woman, there'd better be a beer and a sandwich ready when I'm done!"
                                      "Mr. Whitford, sir. May I please leave the cage for five minutes so I can take a nigra, sir?"
                                      See? No confusion.
                                      What a wonderfully ingenious system, Sister! When Mr. Thyme and I begin our family (which will be very soon now), we'll be sure to implement your code. You really should copyright it, though!
                                      Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

                                      1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

                                      A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
                                       Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
                                      LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27

                                       sigpic



                                        Comment

                                        • lady_c
                                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                                          • Mar 2008
                                          • 113
                                          #11
                                          Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

                                          So there's methods other than beating?

                                            Comment

                                            • Remy Lebeau
                                              LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire
                                              President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association
                                              Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Sep 2006
                                              • 2058
                                              #12
                                              Re: Potty Training Breakthrough! Glory!

                                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                              At least we don't do it like the perverted chinks!

                                              Disgusting!!! At 50-51 seconds you see that they even display an anatomically correct adult male asian tallywhacker on that toon.
                                              Master of Godly Debating

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