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The "Problem of Evil" is powerless against True Christians, but DESTROYS liberals!
What is the problem of evil?
The "problem of evil" states that God might be great, OR God might be great, but God cannot be both great AND great.
That is, God might be all-powerful, or God might be worthy of worship, but it's impossible for God to be both.
This is all because of one injured kitten.
If God is all-powerful, then the kitten is injured because God wants kittens to get injured.
If God if worthy of worship, God would have already done everything in His power to help that kitten, but failed because religions lie when they claim God is all-powerful.
So there's two kinds of religions: the "Pathetic God" religions and the "Evil God" religions.
Pathetic Gods
Believers of pathetic Gods give praise when God answers a lifetime of prayer by nudging a tornado until it just barely missed the trailer park.
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Their pathetic God is strong enough to give a small nudge now and then, if given patient, steady encouragement and lots of positive reinforcement. But why not stop all tornadoes from ever happening? Or why not have everybody live in something sturdier than a trailer park? How about a mountain-size palace made of solid gold, and instead of guard dogs you have your own guard-tornadoes, just for looks of course, you don't need guards when you have a God who is not pathetic. But your God IS pathetic, that's why you're in awe of a tiny gust of wind - your God isn't almighty, your God can barely fart at the right time.
Gods that bring evil
Then there is the "Evil God". I put this in quotations because of course it's impossible for God to do evil - any "evil" thing that God does is good because God did it. Is it evil to injure a kitten? Not if you're God it's not.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you which of the two theories True Christians™ believe in. Hint: Isaiah 45:7
Now for the fun part
Now, here's where this gets really fun - we can use "the problem of evil" against progressives. Not so much against the rank-and-file useful idiots, but against the professional yuppie social-engineers that have had a century-plus of hegemony over the commanding heights of culture.
That is, Yuppies might be productive, or they might be good, but they are not both.
So there's two kinds of theories: "evil yuppies" or "overpaid parasite yuppies".
I'm going to generous and not assume the yuppies are evil. I'll believe the parasite yuppie theory.
Because there's a major contrast between the effectiveness of yuppie social engineering VS the counter-social-engineering done by whoever their enemies are. And I have no idea who these enemies are, but whatever they're doing is extremely effective! I guess I'll call them the "Conspiracy of Unseen Reactionary Social Engineers": C.U.R.S.E.
Sticking it to them
Consider the battle over young boys and the games they play.
"At first I was worried about getting splinters, but C.U.R.S.E. told me this is good for hand-eye co-ordination"
If little boys find a stick on the ground, or any object that is longer than it is wide, they will imagine that it is a gun or a sword. When it come to toys, all they want for Christmas is the killiest killamajig this side of killmageddon.
How does C.U.R.S.E. achieve this? How do they convince toymakers to stop following customer demand? If the promotion of boyish belligerency is more important to toymakers than profits are, that's strange enough, but what really mysterious is how they manage to force their will on the customers. In any other case this would mean business suicide. Yet thanks to CURSE, toymakers have convinced little boys to pick up sticks off the ground and say "bang bang". And if that's not impressive enough, they even did this while keeping it all a secret!
The puppetmasters and the penii (or, how engineering erects more than bridges)
Same with beauty standards. CURSE has this weird agenda where they want organisms to try to reproduce with the most fertile, healthy and well-resourced mate possible. Or at least they want this in the case of human beings. Perhaps the animals are already doing this naturally.
Yuppies have spent decades trying to make the feminine ideal fat, butch, and with so many tattoos that she looks like the wall of a truckstop toilet-stall.
Perhaps the tattoos are meant to act as camouflage in her natural habitat?
However, CURSE outsmarted them, getting white agents to disguise themselves as Japanese artists, infiltrate Japan, and create anime girls. Then they somehow convinced people to enjoy reading subtitles. Come to think of it, the whole plan seems inefficient...Yet it worked.
Even more impressively, CURSE agents dominate the fashion industry, which might be the gayest and most urbane subculture in the world. Ever seen a fat fashion model? As for properly-nourished, I've seen one or two at most.
Is our children being re-re-educated?
Or about about that thing where they convinced capitalists to invent greed? I have no idea why a capitalist would want to invent greed - aren't you just generating more competition for yourself? Yet somehow CURSE convinced them.
And how did CURSE survive in communist countries? Communist governments promoted social engineering, often with the same goals. They had the added advantage of being able to put millions of people in "re-education camps". Some of those people came out alive, which means, I assume, that they had been successfully re-educated.
Yet Russia and China are not exactly progressive fagtopias of justice and inclusion either. Somehow CURSE re-re-educated them, using some far more efficient method that doesn't involve concentration camps and millions of deaths.
The Konservative Konspiracy is Kosmopolitan
CURSE may be reactionary, but they are the most cosmopolitan people to have every lived. Even the most isolated and untouched villages on the most obscure mountainsides have been socially-engineered by CURSE. Every time something bad happens in China, Japan, Thailand, or Korea it's the legacy of white colonialism, which is impressive because none of those countries were ever colonized by white people. Except in secret, I assume.
These girls have been colonized by white men. Two pieces of evidence: 1. They're wearing pink. 2. They're going to school.
An alternate theory
Perhaps yuppies have failed to utopianize the world because there is a massive-yet-undiscovered conspiracy that undoes their work.
Or, on the other hand, perhaps yuppies are useless leaches who get ahead by being teacher's pets to gatekeeper yuppies. Maybe these red-tape revolutionaries produce nothing except buzzword blizzards, and false prophecies of their paperwork paradise.
The "problem of evil" states that God might be great, OR God might be great, but God cannot be both great AND great.
That is, God might be all-powerful, or God might be worthy of worship, but it's impossible for God to be both.
This is all because of one injured kitten.
If God is all-powerful, then the kitten is injured because God wants kittens to get injured.
If God if worthy of worship, God would have already done everything in His power to help that kitten, but failed because religions lie when they claim God is all-powerful.
So there's two kinds of religions: the "Pathetic God" religions and the "Evil God" religions.
Pathetic Gods
Believers of pathetic Gods give praise when God answers a lifetime of prayer by nudging a tornado until it just barely missed the trailer park.
Their pathetic God is strong enough to give a small nudge now and then, if given patient, steady encouragement and lots of positive reinforcement. But why not stop all tornadoes from ever happening? Or why not have everybody live in something sturdier than a trailer park? How about a mountain-size palace made of solid gold, and instead of guard dogs you have your own guard-tornadoes, just for looks of course, you don't need guards when you have a God who is not pathetic. But your God IS pathetic, that's why you're in awe of a tiny gust of wind - your God isn't almighty, your God can barely fart at the right time.
Gods that bring evil
Then there is the "Evil God". I put this in quotations because of course it's impossible for God to do evil - any "evil" thing that God does is good because God did it. Is it evil to injure a kitten? Not if you're God it's not.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you which of the two theories True Christians™ believe in. Hint: Isaiah 45:7
Now for the fun part
Now, here's where this gets really fun - we can use "the problem of evil" against progressives. Not so much against the rank-and-file useful idiots, but against the professional yuppie social-engineers that have had a century-plus of hegemony over the commanding heights of culture.
That is, Yuppies might be productive, or they might be good, but they are not both.
So there's two kinds of theories: "evil yuppies" or "overpaid parasite yuppies".
I'm going to generous and not assume the yuppies are evil. I'll believe the parasite yuppie theory.
Because there's a major contrast between the effectiveness of yuppie social engineering VS the counter-social-engineering done by whoever their enemies are. And I have no idea who these enemies are, but whatever they're doing is extremely effective! I guess I'll call them the "Conspiracy of Unseen Reactionary Social Engineers": C.U.R.S.E.
Sticking it to them
Consider the battle over young boys and the games they play.
"At first I was worried about getting splinters, but C.U.R.S.E. told me this is good for hand-eye co-ordination"
How does C.U.R.S.E. achieve this? How do they convince toymakers to stop following customer demand? If the promotion of boyish belligerency is more important to toymakers than profits are, that's strange enough, but what really mysterious is how they manage to force their will on the customers. In any other case this would mean business suicide. Yet thanks to CURSE, toymakers have convinced little boys to pick up sticks off the ground and say "bang bang". And if that's not impressive enough, they even did this while keeping it all a secret!
The puppetmasters and the penii (or, how engineering erects more than bridges)
Same with beauty standards. CURSE has this weird agenda where they want organisms to try to reproduce with the most fertile, healthy and well-resourced mate possible. Or at least they want this in the case of human beings. Perhaps the animals are already doing this naturally.
Yuppies have spent decades trying to make the feminine ideal fat, butch, and with so many tattoos that she looks like the wall of a truckstop toilet-stall.
Perhaps the tattoos are meant to act as camouflage in her natural habitat?
Even more impressively, CURSE agents dominate the fashion industry, which might be the gayest and most urbane subculture in the world. Ever seen a fat fashion model? As for properly-nourished, I've seen one or two at most.
Is our children being re-re-educated?
Or about about that thing where they convinced capitalists to invent greed? I have no idea why a capitalist would want to invent greed - aren't you just generating more competition for yourself? Yet somehow CURSE convinced them.
And how did CURSE survive in communist countries? Communist governments promoted social engineering, often with the same goals. They had the added advantage of being able to put millions of people in "re-education camps". Some of those people came out alive, which means, I assume, that they had been successfully re-educated.
Yet Russia and China are not exactly progressive fagtopias of justice and inclusion either. Somehow CURSE re-re-educated them, using some far more efficient method that doesn't involve concentration camps and millions of deaths.
The Konservative Konspiracy is Kosmopolitan
CURSE may be reactionary, but they are the most cosmopolitan people to have every lived. Even the most isolated and untouched villages on the most obscure mountainsides have been socially-engineered by CURSE. Every time something bad happens in China, Japan, Thailand, or Korea it's the legacy of white colonialism, which is impressive because none of those countries were ever colonized by white people. Except in secret, I assume.
These girls have been colonized by white men. Two pieces of evidence: 1. They're wearing pink. 2. They're going to school.
Perhaps yuppies have failed to utopianize the world because there is a massive-yet-undiscovered conspiracy that undoes their work.
Or, on the other hand, perhaps yuppies are useless leaches who get ahead by being teacher's pets to gatekeeper yuppies. Maybe these red-tape revolutionaries produce nothing except buzzword blizzards, and false prophecies of their paperwork paradise.
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