[Levi Jones]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Only 7 hours until the rapture.

Here I come, LORD!

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Don't forget, brothers and sisters, to attend my World Blow-up Bash tonight! It's being held at my estate in Apostle's Grove. We got three indoor heated swimming pools so make sure you bring your swimming suits. It will be fully catered with BBQ. We have over a hundred people showing up (including two dozen of my recent graduates of my Ladies of the Lord program), so PM me or call my cell phone if you're going to drop by.

It's going to be like New Year's. We are going to have a countdown to the final second and I've hired a fireworks company to shoot some awesome displays in the air. Yes, it's illegal, but at this point, does it really matter?

Let us celebrate together that God will finally destroy this wicked world and us True Christians™ will enjoy each other's company for all eternity in Heaven.

Praise be the LORD! You are a man of infinite generosity Reverend, I look forward to spending an eternity with you in heaven.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Don't forget, brothers and sisters, to attend my World Blow-up Bash tonight! It's being held at my estate in Apostle's Grove. We got three indoor heated swimming pools so make sure you bring your swimming suits. It will be fully catered with BBQ. We have over a hundred people showing up (including two dozen of my recent graduates of my Ladies of the Lord program), so PM me or call my cell phone if you're going to drop by.

It's going to be like New Year's. We are going to have a countdown to the final second and I've hired a fireworks company to shoot some awesome displays in the air. Yes, it's illegal, but at this point, does it really matter?

Let us celebrate together that God will finally destroy this wicked world and us True Christians™ will enjoy each other's company for all eternity in Heaven.

[Jed_Cassidy]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Well my Brothers, I just got done finishing the most D-e-licious eggs, raw steak, biscuits and gravy, and cherry pie dinner ever (I told Bernadette that her last meal cooked for me as a mortal on Earth could be the deciding factor for her between Heaven and Eternal Damnation)!

I told my son Elijah to say hello to Satan for me because, let's face it, he's still as homo as slumber party at Elton John's and will most likely not be Saved©. You win some, lose some I guess.

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Well, I am off to bed for the last time. I'll be wearing new underwear, a freshly pressed suit and a nice silk tie. I have new shoes to wear too. I hope I can make a good impression upon arrival. Everyone in the Hutchins house is so excited. I had to put horse tranquilizers in the kids dinner tonight to calm them down. That stuff works wonders. Twenty minutes later and they were sleeping the sleep of the dead.

See you all in heaven. And to those going to Hell, do not say I did not warn you.

By horse tranquilizer, do you mean PCP? You do know that that stuff causes hallucinations and erratic, violent behavior, right? Let's hope your kids didn't do anything under its influence that might prevent them from going to Heaven™. The stuff's almost as nasty as marihuana.

[Levi Jones]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Praise Jesus! I can't wait to see you all tomorrow in Heaven.

[James Hutchins]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Well, I am off to bed for the last time. I'll be wearing new underwear, a freshly pressed suit and a nice silk tie. I have new shoes to wear too. I hope I can make a good impression upon arrival. Everyone in the Hutchins house is so excited. I had to put horse tranquilizers in the kids dinner tonight to calm them down. That stuff works wonders. Twenty minutes later and they were sleeping the sleep of the dead.

See you all in heaven. And to those going to Hell, do not say I did not warn you.

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Pastor Zeke, expect to see me at your house in 2-3 hours. I have to get some last-minute prayer and Bible study in first.

Brother True Disciple, I suspect the heathens will enjoy the Tribulation, seeing as they will be ruled for seven years by Barack Hussein Osama, whom they seem to love for whatever reason, despite him being a lieberal nigra. Some things really puzzle me. I'm sure they won't enjoy hell though, that's for sure!

[True Disciple]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Okay, I've packed my stuff now, and I'll heading to Pastor Ezekiel's place for the farewell party soon! I feel so awesome, it's going to happen now any moment!
This will be one of my last posts here on this earth, so I would like to take this opportunity to say to anyone who reads this and isn't going to be raptured:

Farewell! Good luck with the tribulation, maybe the Lord will show some mercy on you when his anger strikes this world. I enjoyed speaking to you, and living on the same world as you. I won't miss you, though, as I'll be in Heaven shortly from now!

Farewell!

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Reverend, I think I just saw a light in the dark sky here.
Could it be the first sign already?

For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.

For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. (1 Thessalonians 4:15-17)

If you saw the LORD descending from heaven, with much glory, trumpets and angels, then it probably was! Glory!

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

I've been wondering what time (NZDT) the Rapture will take place; will I be Raptured on the 4th, or on the 5th to coincide with the Rapture of my American Brothers and Sisters in Christ? I sincerely pray it is the 5th for me, as I have absolutely no desire to push and shove my way to the front of the Rapture queue.

On the fifth! European time doesn't matter, only American time does. God will rapture people according to American time, because Europe is stupid and He hates it.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

FYI: I thought everyone should know that they're having a one-day closeout sale at the Freehold Survivalist store in the Christian Outlet Mall. Everything must go by midnight tonight.

GLORY!!

[Philippe]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Oh man. I actually fell for it.

Wrong again. You'll fall IN it (in hell, I mean, of course)

[TheHeathen]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

Oh man. I actually fell for it.

Bravo to Mr. Harper

[Philippe]

Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!

...you are all as crazy as the muslims.

I'll be the first to post on the 4th of March (UK time and US time, I'm over the pond at the moment), to rub it in you faces.

If you do, I really hope it will be to thank God for the miracle he's worked, and to repent