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Below are some helpful tips for those that Jesus doesn't find worthy to live in our Godly, gated community in Freehold, Iowa. What follows are some tips that I have gained from experience with the unsaved public on how to turn a dangerous confrontation into a beneficial experience.
-Never make eye contact. This psychologically places you on the same level as the sinner. If you don’t wish to associate with them, don’t look them in the eye.
-If eye contact is required and the sinner begins to associate with you, end the conversation as soon as is humanly possible, or sooner. Conversing with these kinds of people is not only unwise, but is downright dangerous. They will tempt you with Poke-e-mons and skateboarding which is proven to lead to hard-core drug use and anal sodomy. Watch out!
-If the conversation can not be ended, take the first opportunity you see to change the conversation to the subject of Jesus. This usually ends the conversation, but if it doesn’t, at least it will leave the sinner with an increased sense of inherent self-worthlessness.
-If the conversation continues along the lines of Jesus and religion, invite them to purchase the plan of salvation. If they complete the paperwork and background check as well as establishing a tithing portfolio at the Tin Tithing level (as a minimum), they will be sent a card, signed by Pastor Deacon Fred Smith that they can show to Jesus come Judgment Day so that He won’t kill them.
-Once they’re saved, invite them to church. The newly saved are very receptive to this invitation. Christian Science has shown this to be because of the relative lack of self-worth that sinners find in associating with True Christians™. Once they become a True Christian™ themselves, they desire to be raised to a level above what they are used to and will do almost anything you want them to do to get it.
-If you have followed these steps, congratulations. You have side-stepped a dangerous confrontation with an animalistic sinner and helped the less fortunate establish a tithing plan with God’s Favorite Church, Landover Baptist. Glory!
I hope these guidelines help you with your next run-in with the worthless unsaved trash. Praise!
-Never make eye contact. This psychologically places you on the same level as the sinner. If you don’t wish to associate with them, don’t look them in the eye.
-If eye contact is required and the sinner begins to associate with you, end the conversation as soon as is humanly possible, or sooner. Conversing with these kinds of people is not only unwise, but is downright dangerous. They will tempt you with Poke-e-mons and skateboarding which is proven to lead to hard-core drug use and anal sodomy. Watch out!
-If the conversation can not be ended, take the first opportunity you see to change the conversation to the subject of Jesus. This usually ends the conversation, but if it doesn’t, at least it will leave the sinner with an increased sense of inherent self-worthlessness.
-If the conversation continues along the lines of Jesus and religion, invite them to purchase the plan of salvation. If they complete the paperwork and background check as well as establishing a tithing portfolio at the Tin Tithing level (as a minimum), they will be sent a card, signed by Pastor Deacon Fred Smith that they can show to Jesus come Judgment Day so that He won’t kill them.
-Once they’re saved, invite them to church. The newly saved are very receptive to this invitation. Christian Science has shown this to be because of the relative lack of self-worth that sinners find in associating with True Christians™. Once they become a True Christian™ themselves, they desire to be raised to a level above what they are used to and will do almost anything you want them to do to get it.
-If you have followed these steps, congratulations. You have side-stepped a dangerous confrontation with an animalistic sinner and helped the less fortunate establish a tithing plan with God’s Favorite Church, Landover Baptist. Glory!
I hope these guidelines help you with your next run-in with the worthless unsaved trash. Praise!