[ChemistryRules]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Once atheists read this, they'll have to accept Jesus! (or burn in Hell, but I'm hoping they accept Jesus! Bless you, Mrs. Etheldreda!

Allright, I accept Jesus as my teacher and God to be my Lord. What's the next thing I can do?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Come on Atheist scum; take up Sister Etheldreda's altar call! It's your chance to out aside your hate for everything decent and be a good person for once. Even after all the sodomy Jesus still loves you!

I CHALLENGE any Atheist to refute the Five Reasons given here.

[Soulful Warrior]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

I'm an Atheist, my parents were both Christian. I grew up in the church, read the King James Bible far too many times to count. The stories in the Bible make sense, and I understand them fully. In fact, I've baffled and astounded many Bishops and Pastures with my spiritual strength of understanding. When I turned 18 I left my home and joined the United States Marines. My rifle is my salvation. From the things I've seen, and the things I've had to do to survive, I cannot find kindness in the thought of God. If a trained killer like myself can struggle to survive, then the children and young women must get the punishment I avoided on a daily basis. And I apologize if anyone find's this offensive, but you'd have to be one huge assh*le to put your children in a warzone and watch them suffer. I'd do anything to keep my son out of that region. And yet, there are sons and daughters running all through the sand as the bullets fly through the air.

[Adam Fag]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

5. We hunger for meaning and purpose in our lives.

We all want answers to why we are here and what we were made for. The Bible has the answer. God made us to fear and obey Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13), so we can be with Him forever in comfort (John 14:2 ). Landover Baptist Church helps us to fulfill this purpose that God has for all of us by sharing the uncensored Holy Bible.

4. We need God’s forgiveness and healing for our failings and God’s mercy to help us become better people.

Perhaps you’ve been carrying around deep spiritual wounds or painful sins that have burdened you for years. True Christianity gives us a way to recognize our faults, failings, and hurts before God and other True Christians™. God can regenerate our hearts and make us "new creations" in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), so essentially all our guilt is hidden away from His omniscient eyes (Isaiah 43:25) and instead He enjoys the Blood of Christ (Romans 5:9)!

3. Our families and communities need to be built on a strong foundation of faith and superior morals.

If you want to give your children the greatest treasure in the world, give them the gift of faith. If you love them, you'll know how to stop them from ruining their eternal lives by relying on independent thought and critical thinking (Proverbs 3:5). A True Christian™ community also provides us with a source of spirit-filled friends in which we can find support and strength when life gets tough. No one can circle the wagons and keep out the rest of the world like a tight-knit group of True Christians™!

2. The perks are to die for!

Only True Christians™ will be invited to Heaven. In Heaven, we can expect all kinds of new surprises, like totally new laws of nature (Revelation 7:16), no pesky digestive issues, which means no need for embarrassing bathroom breaks (Romans 14:17), nice gifts, like hidden manna and a special rock just for us with a new name (Revelation 2:17), and most wonderfully, True Christians will get to judge and rule New Earth (Revelation 5:10)!

1. The Christian Faith is TRUE!

The only really good reason to believe something is because it is true,

If we are to rule the New Earth who will be our subjects?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Hello Mary Etheldreda.

I am glad that you included Isaiah 43:25 because it is one of my favorite verses. Here it is in case some people are not familiar with it.

I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.

Only someone as powerful as God can be strong enough to erase His own memory of my sins. I know that my sins have already been washed away by the Blood of Jesus Christ but it is nice having a backup plan because I did a lot of bad things.

Thank you.

Rusty

Indeed Mr. Holbeck! Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the emotion of it all, knowing that the LORD, who is utterly omniscient, would opt to employ a kind of specific dementia with regards to the sins of True Christians™!

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Hello Mary Etheldreda.

I am glad that you included Isaiah 43:25 because it is one of my favorite verses. Here it is in case some people are not familiar with it.

I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.

Only someone as powerful as God can be strong enough to erase His own memory of my sins. I know that my sins have already been washed away by the Blood of Jesus Christ but it is nice having a backup plan because I did a lot of bad things.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Rev. Edward Clement]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

I mean, maybe they can judge a burrito eating contest, but do angels even eat burritos?

Right you are dear Sister, I am sure that angles could very well judge that contest; however, I suppose the fact that angles are not messican would disway them from desiring gaseous, spicy, enchiladas.

[Alterboy]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Mrs Etheldreda,
Your committment to reach out to the unsaved trash out there and save them from drowning in a sea of sin is truly inspirational.
YIC,
Jon

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

I dont think so. When the time comes, for sweet Jesus to beckon me up to paradise, I expect I shall get to sit on a cloud for all eternity, with people like Mary Ethelreda, St. Paul, and Pastor Ezekiel. The odd unicorn will trot by and a bunch of seraphims will be playing trumpets, tambourines and singing praises to our lord god and creator. I'm pretty sure God wouldn't let spics in. They would set up dodgy second hand car dealerships, sell in drugs and generaly ruin paradise for the rest of us.

The Holy Bible says one of our first jobs will be to judge the angels (1 Corinthians 6:2-3). Then we'll be forever rulers of all the earth (Revelation 5:10). I can't see wetbacks doing this. I mean, maybe they can judge a burrito eating contest, but do angels even eat burritos?

[Barry]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Wait a minute, we're letting atheists in now? What's next, Puerto Ricans?

I dont think so. When the time comes, for sweet Jesus to beckon me up to paradise, I expect I shall get to sit on a cloud for all eternity, with people like Mary Ethelreda, St. Paul, and Pastor Ezekiel. The odd unicorn will trot by and a bunch of seraphims will be playing trumpets, tambourines and singing praises to our lord god and creator. I'm pretty sure God wouldn't let spics in. They would set up dodgy second hand car dealerships, sell in drugs and generaly ruin paradise for the rest of us.

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Wait a minute, were letting atheists in now? What's next, Puerto Ricans?

I think Mrs. Etheldreda intends to convince atheists to forsake their evil ways, beg God for forgivness, become a True Christian and then join the church.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Wait a minute, we're letting atheists in now? What's next, Puerto Ricans?

[Rachel White]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

5. We hunger for meaning and purpose in our lives.

We all want answers to why we are here and what we were made for. The Bible has the answer. God made us to fear and obey Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13), so we can be with Him forever in comfort (John 14:2 ). Landover Baptist Church helps us to fulfill this purpose that God has for all of us by sharing the uncensored Holy Bible.

4. We need God’s forgiveness and healing for our failings and God’s mercy to help us become better people.

Perhaps you’ve been carrying around deep spiritual wounds or painful sins that have burdened you for years. True Christianity gives us a way to recognize our faults, failings, and hurts before God and other True Christians™. God can regenerate our hearts and make us "new creations" in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), so essentially all our guilt is hidden away from His omniscient eyes (Isaiah 43:25) and instead He enjoys the Blood of Christ (Romans 5:9)!

3. Our families and communities need to be built on a strong foundation of faith and superior morals.

If you want to give your children the greatest treasure in the world, give them the gift of faith. If you love them, you'll know how to stop them from ruining their eternal lives by relying on independent thought and critical thinking (Proverbs 3:5). A True Christian™ community also provides us with a source of spirit-filled friends in which we can find support and strength when life gets tough. No one can circle the wagons and keep out the rest of the world like a tight-knit group of True Christians™!

2. The perks are to die for!

Only True Christians™ will be invited to Heaven. In Heaven, we can expect all kinds of new surprises, like totally new laws of nature (Revelation 7:16), no pesky digestive issues, which means no need for embarrassing bathroom breaks (Romans 14:17), nice gifts, like hidden manna and a special rock just for us with a new name (Revelation 2:17), and most wonderfully, True Christians will get to judge and rule New Earth (Revelation 5:10)!

1. The Christian Faith is TRUE!

The only really good reason to believe something is because it is true, and the Faith of Christ is true (Proverbs 30:5)! Baptists were the first to realize this and thus follow Christ 2,000 years ago. It is the Brothers and Sisters of Christ who will inherit the Kingdom (Luke 12:32). Only the Christian Faith can offer a deep union with Christ through the Scripture, prayer, and community.

If you've been led to our friendly forums, it's because the LORD is tugging on your soul, gently wooing you into a life of Love! Don't throw away this opportunity! Look deeply into your sad, hollow heart, take note of all the things you don't like about yourself. Know that God hates that even more than you (as well as things to which you are completely ignorant through self-denial and cognitive dissonance), and yet He will still consider accepting you as His Own if you but have faith in His Son, Jesus. Will you do that? Will you discard your pathetic life as it is now, the life that never got you anywhere, and instead embrace a New Life? Embrace a Life with Christ! It's easy! You can start with this Sinner's Prayer:

Dear LORD,

I acknowledge that you, Jesus, are the Son of God. I believe that you were born of the Virgin Mary in a miraculous way (impregnating her with the Holy Spirit, which is You, without her knowledge or consent, or even the benefit of physical sperm, but by the very will of God, who is, amazingly, also You). I believe you died on the cross for my sins. I believe you were resurrected, floated up into the air, through the atmosphere, and straight to Heaven. I know that your divine nature means you were impervious to the physical effects of the lack of oxygen in space, that your divine body saved you from any danger of your blood boiling, your eyeballs exploding, or your lungs turning into red slush.

I admit that I was born a sinner by your design, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I know I have led a life of sinning by not obeying your every command. It tears me up inside. My guilt is overwhelming.

Please forgive me.

Please change my heart so I can be a willing slave and do whatever you want me to do.

Please change my heart to want to read the Holy Bible and agree with all of it.

Be my Savior.

By my LORD and Master.

I beg you, save me from the very Hell you created for me in the beginning of time in case I didn't fear and obey you.

In Jesus' Name I pray.

Once atheists read this, they'll have to accept Jesus! (or burn in Hell, but I'm hoping they accept Jesus! Bless you, Mrs. Etheldreda!

[Godfly]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

Of course if one has denied the Holy Spirit during one's time as an atheist, that person will burn in Hell no matter what they do. This offer should only be for the atheists who have behaved themselves, because we shouldn't waste our time on the others.

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Open Invitation To Atheists: 5 Reasons To Join the Church

5. We hunger for meaning and purpose in our lives.

We all want answers to why we are here and what we were made for. The Bible has the answer. God made us to fear and obey Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13), so we can be with Him forever in comfort (John 14:2 ). Landover Baptist Church helps us to fulfill this purpose that God has for all of us by sharing the uncensored Holy Bible.

4. We need God’s forgiveness and healing for our failings and God’s mercy to help us become better people.

Perhaps you’ve been carrying around deep spiritual wounds or painful sins that have burdened you for years. True Christianity gives us a way to recognize our faults, failings, and hurts before God and other True Christians™. God can regenerate our hearts and make us "new creations" in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), so essentially all our guilt is hidden away from His omniscient eyes (Isaiah 43:25) and instead He enjoys the Blood of Christ (Romans 5:9)!

3. Our families and communities need to be built on a strong foundation of faith and superior morals.

If you want to give your children the greatest treasure in the world, give them the gift of faith. If you love them, you'll know how to stop them from ruining their eternal lives by relying on independent thought and critical thinking (Proverbs 3:5). A True Christian™ community also provides us with a source of spirit-filled friends in which we can find support and strength when life gets tough. No one can circle the wagons and keep out the rest of the world like a tight-knit group of True Christians™!

2. The perks are to die for!

Only True Christians™ will be invited to Heaven. In Heaven, we can expect all kinds of new surprises, like totally new laws of nature (Revelation 7:16), no pesky digestive issues, which means no need for embarrassing bathroom breaks (Romans 14:17), nice gifts, like hidden manna and a special rock just for us with a new name (Revelation 2:17), and most wonderfully, True Christians will get to judge and rule New Earth (Revelation 5:10)!

1. The Christian Faith is TRUE!

The only really good reason to believe something is because it is true, and the Faith of Christ is true (Proverbs 30:5)! Baptists were the first to realize this and thus follow Christ 2,000 years ago. It is the Brothers and Sisters of Christ who will inherit the Kingdom (Luke 12:32). Only the Christian Faith can offer a deep union with Christ through the Scripture, prayer, and community.

If you've been led to our friendly forums, it's because the LORD is tugging on your soul, gently wooing you into a life of Love! Don't throw away this opportunity! Look deeply into your sad, hollow heart, take note of all the things you don't like about yourself. Know that God hates that even more than you (as well as things to which you are completely ignorant through self-denial and cognitive dissonance), and yet He will still consider accepting you as His Own if you but have faith in His Son, Jesus. Will you do that? Will you discard your pathetic life as it is now, the life that never got you anywhere, and instead embrace a New Life? Embrace a Life with Christ! It's easy! You can start with this Sinner's Prayer:

Dear LORD,

I acknowledge that you, Jesus, are the Son of God. I believe that you were born of the Virgin Mary in a miraculous way (impregnating her with the Holy Spirit, which is You, without her knowledge or consent, or even the benefit of physical sperm, but by the very will of God, who is, amazingly, also You). I believe you died on the cross for my sins. I believe you were resurrected, floated up into the air, through the atmosphere, and straight to Heaven. I know that your divine nature means you were impervious to the physical effects of the lack of oxygen in space, that your divine body saved you from any danger of your blood boiling, your eyeballs exploding, or your lungs turning into red slush.

I admit that I was born a sinner by your design, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I know I have led a life of sinning by not obeying your every command. It tears me up inside. My guilt is overwhelming.

Please forgive me.

Please change my heart so I can be a willing slave and do whatever you want me to do.

Please change my heart to want to read the Holy Bible and agree with all of it.

Be my Savior.

By my LORD and Master.

I beg you, save me from the very Hell you created for me in the beginning of time in case I didn't fear and obey you.

In Jesus' Name I pray.

Your kindess, Christian Love and forgivness never ceases to amaze, Mrs. Etheldreda! Atheists everywhere will soon realize they are sinning greatly and will accept Jesus into their hearts.
PRAISE!!!