[Free Market Fred]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

Well, sorry to say that I kinda hafta disagree a bit with the title of this thread. I don't think we ought to exactly close the Canadian border. Rather, what we gotta do is remove it.

Let me explain. Most of Canada is inhabited by good Christian white people, just like us. There are a few "people of color" like the Chinks in Vancouver and the Muslims in Toronto, but overall Canada is a nice lily-white US colony governed by my company's appointed viceroy, Stephen Harper. With a little help from our Diebold voting machines, we've kept Harper in power long as I can remember, and in turn he's kept oil from the Canuck tar sands flowing south. It's a win-win situation that makes everyone happy.

Everyone, that is, except the residents of Quebec, who speak French. As you all know, French is a dialect of Spanish spoken by homos. Like most homos, the Frenchie cheese-eating surrender monkeys are all liberals, and have been threatening to declare Quebec an independent country for quite some time.

Quite frankly, I think it's a damn good idea! Put all the liberals into Quebec, let them become independent, while the rest of Canada gets officially annexed by the USA. Once that happens, we don't gotta pay the Canucks for their oil, we can just take it.

There are a few problems, but I got my people working on 'em. For example, like the USA, Canada's got injuns, only they're called "Eskimos." In the beginning we tried to hire them to work in the tar sands pits, but they're really useless. They may look like beaners, but unlike Messicans the only work they know how to do is open the tab on a beer can.

Even worse, the Eskimos got together with Greenpeace and started protesting the loss of "their" land. Hah! But a bunch of them chained themselves to trees and bulldozers, went on a hunger strike, and that caused some bad publicity for us in the liberal media. We even had to invade some pissant country (Afghanistan, I think) for awhile just to keep the news media distracted from what was going on up north.

In the end, we found a long-term solution - unlimited free firewater included with the Eskimos' food stamps! Ever since we implemented that policy, we haven't heard much from them.


Free refreshments for uppity Eskimos

Meanwhile, we've been working to improve environmental conditions in the tar pits. The area used to be covered by impenetrable forests, and every summer they had forest fires. That means lots of smoke, which is why Godly Ronald Reagan once said, "trees cause pollution." Fortunately, that's a problem that we can fix.


Preventing forest fires

Plus we've built a whole new bustling community in tar country, Fort McMurray. It's a great place, with high wages and little to spend it on except crack, plus slot machines at the ever popular casino operated by my company.

So to conclude: we oughta erase the Canadian border, put an electrified fence around Quebec to keep the uppity frogs penned up, and turn the Arctic into a paradise for motocross sports. What's not to like?


Fort McMurray, dirt biking capital of the Arctic!

[Alvin Moss]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

Brother Fred, I find your testimony and forward thinking to be as uplifting as always. I agree with most of your suggestions. We agree that a wall should be built around Quebec, with armed guards and dogs at the very least. However, the uncontrolled presence of the rest of the Canadians will continue to be a menace. If not contained, the Ukrainians and the western hippies will drift south. Also, as you mentioned, Eskimos resemble illegal Mexican aliens, so they would fit right in. Many Canadians are already well disguised as Americans, as long as they don't speak, or if they only speak in North Dakota. We think we have a problem with Mexicans now. Just imagine what it would be like if all those Canadians came south.

All of western Canada should be part of America and it would be if not for the godless English. It is just the Canadians we have to worry about. It grieves me to say it, but I think we may be looking at Canadian genocide to make it all work. It's too bad, really, because some of those godless wretches could have been saved.

[eggcake]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

How unfortunate it is that you must deal with this. In New Zealand, we only have to deal with people coming over in boats. Our neighbouring country's navy deals with this

[Didymus Much]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

...Our neighbouring country's navy deals with this

So you're freeloading on the efforts of the glorious Royal Australian Navy?

[eggcake]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

So you're freeloading on the efforts of the glorious Royal Australian Navy?

Yes.
The current foolish leaders of this country refuse to give us a decent millitary.
We are in huge danger of invasion

[Jim Farmer]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

New Zealand is an enemy of the United States. President Reagan rightfully suspended NZ from the ANZUS Treaty (Australia, New Zealand, US) in 1986 when NZ refused entry to its ports of US nuclear powered or nuclear armed ships. Reagan responded by banning all NZ naval ships from US ports. Of course, Hellary Clunton and Barrack Obummer reversed this in 2012.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

Reagan responded by banning all NZ naval ships from US ports.

What, both of them?

[Jim Farmer]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

What, both of them?

I think there might be 3 of them.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

I think there might be 3 of them.

With their hobbit-like stature and incomprehensible accents, they truly are the southern hemiscope's equivalent of the French Canadians, aren't they? You are lucky to have the sea to keep them at bay.

Back on topic, Brother Alvin, do you really think that genocide is the only solution? Could these Godless heathens not be given elocution and spelling lessons and integrated? Or perhaps they could be relocated to Mexico. There are not very many of them, after all.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

Brother Fred makes an interesting point, and we all know in the natural way of things, ethics follows profit. Just look to history for examples. But I am a bit concerned in that we cannot know which Canadians are French sympathizers, or have French blood coursing through their veins, even as they learn to speak almost decent American. I would feel better if each and every one of them had some kind of identifying mark on their clothing, perhaps a patch sewn on a jacket or lapel, so that we can see them from a distance and know we are about to be approached by a Canadian. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but just in case they are a Belieber or worse, hum tunes from the rock band, Rush, we should have the freedom to save ourselves and make them flee. Also, for the sake of keeping business honest, I think they should be compelled to tell people they are a Canadian so no one does business with them under false pretenses. No offense to the decent, Bible Believing Canadians of course.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

But I am a bit concerned in that we cannot know which Canadians are French sympathizers, or have French blood coursing through their veins, even as they learn to speak almost decent American.

Sister, you make an excellent point. My husband and I once met such a Canadian - born and bred in Montreal, a Frenchie to the core. But, he had learned American from his parents (Commie cowards who had fled from Richard Nixon's Godly USA). As a result, he could easily pass as a real American, albeit one with a rather vulgar Joo York accent.

I would feel better if each and every one of them had some kind of identifying mark on their clothing, perhaps a patch sewn on a jacket or lapel, so that we can see them from a distance and know we are about to be approached by a Canadian.

Could they be trusted, though, to wear these garments at all times? I would favor something like a visible tattoo.

No offense to the decent, Bible Believing Canadians of course.

Absolutely not! I am sure they, like us, would be happy to comply with any regulations, for the avoidance of embarrassment. Romans 13:1.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

I believe that it may be possible to save some of the Canadians, though I am uncertain as to how it could be done. Perhaps Quebec could be evacuated and the wretches there could be sent to France. If that proved too expensive, they could be told they were going to France and they could actually be dropped off in Haiti, there to abide with the Negroes and Sean Penn. They would likely never know the difference. Mr. Penn is usually armed, so if there was any trouble, he could shoot the offenders.

As to the rest, I don't know what to do. They would likely make poor Mexicans, though they do have the beer in common. It might actually improve the Mexicans though, if they can stand it. There were ten million Induns in the Americas when the Spanish arrived. Nine hundred thousand Spanish came over during the colonial period and also one point one million Negroes. They mixed them all together with a few buffalo and voila!- Mexicans. If we sent all the Canadians to Mexico, we could lighten up the Mexicans a lot. I don't know if that would be a good idea or not.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

Back on topic, Brother Alvin, do you really think that genocide is the only solution? Could these Godless heathens not be given elocution and spelling lessons and integrated? Or perhaps they could be relocated to Mexico. There are not very many of them, after all.

Hello Sister Joanna. Of course, I'll let Brother Alvin answer for himself, but I've got a few thoughts along these lines that I'd like to share.

First off, not all Canadians are cheese-eating liberals. Those who currently support my company's hired representative, Stephen Harper, would probably vote for Republicans in the future. Therefore, after annexation, I'd propose that these Canuck conservatives be granted US citizenship after 10 years of probation. During their trial period, we could monitor their political loyalties using our advanced technology like planted computer viruses, keyboard sniffers, etc, which keep us informed of what people are blogging about. The "snitch chip" we embed inside smart-phones is also great for this purpose, allowing us to record conversations even when the phone is switched off. Another tool in our information-gathering arsenal is cable TV - taking a tip from George Orwell's 1984, we long ago recognized the potential of telescreen monitoring (a built-in feature ever since we made digital TV mandatory). Those GPS devices that people put in their cars - bet you didn't notice the tiny microphone, did you? Hah! And now with RFID tags being sewn into clothing, you pretty much have to be naked in the wilderness to get out of ear-shot of a microphone. But we're working on putting RFIDs into dental fillings, so that loophole should soon be closed!


Telescreen - protecting our precious freedoms!

Anyway, at the end of the 10-year period, we could then grant citizenship to those whose words and deeds demonstrate that they would be good patriotic Americans.

As for the rest of the Canadians, we could probably ship them to the floating north polar ice cap, which they can share with the polar bears until it finally melts around year 2035.

As a side note, for those of you who are concerned that all the data we collect on Americans might fall into the wrong hands, let me assure you that you can trust us. True, we had a little slip-up with my company's Ashley Madison database, but thanks to new free-trade agreements, we're exporting our secret draconian national security laws and 7th-century punishments to Europe, where most of these hackers live. Our British puppet, Cameron, is keeping Wikileaks terrorist Julian Assange bottled up in the Ecuadorean embassy - let me assure you, Assange won't escape - there's a Predator Drone with his name on it. Eventually there will be no place for dissidents to hide, thus protecting our precious freedom and democracy.

[Fred Hall]

Re: It's Time to Close the Canadian Border

Hi Free Market Fred,

I'm actually up here in Fort McMurray Canada, doing a small job for Syncrude (did you hear about their little mishap? Oops). Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'm having a hard time finding the real Canadians that you speak of. Well, just the other day I was on this bus called "Diversified". I now know why they named it such, as it seems they hire the bus drivers straight out of the deserts, off a camel's back, and let them be bus drivers without any training whatsoever.

When I finally got to the gate at Syncrude, after a scary and miserable ride on that bus, I noticed that the security guards all too are nigras from Somalia. One of the nigras wanted to check my bag when I was scanning in at the gate. I said to him: " Shouldn't it be the other way around? I should be searching you,... not you searching me". He didn't like that answer.... but I guess you can't make them all happy.

Finally, I get to where I'm going to work, and find out all of the electricians are Chinese. I said: "What the hell is going on here? Where are all the white Canadians???". One of them answered me and said: "They laid off all the Canadians because they want $50 an hour to work, but we will work for $5 an hour, and do the same job."

Is it any wonder there was an explosion there last week? My only question is: "Did God cause the explosion? Or did one of them terrists Mooslims cause it?" I suppose that since they're hiring workers on the cheap, the quality of work is also cheap. You get what you pay for. Maybe one of those cheap Chinese electricians crossed wires or something? Dunno