Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

[Buford T Scoggins]

Hi All,

It's been a long time since I last posted. That's because they didn't allow us to have Internet access or sharp objects at the asylum. But our prayers have been answered and I'm out now. It was totally unfair - but not surprising - that Obama's goons had me locked up just because of that abortion clinic bombing.

But that's all the past. What has me concerned today is this revealing Youtube video about rainbows spotted in the spray from a lawn sprinkler:

The woman who posted it thinks the colors are being caused by water pollution, but that's just the sort of nonsense you'd expect from liberals. We all know the truth: the rainbows are caused by homo marriage. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

All I can say is that when Donald Trump gets to be president, you ain't gonna see no more rainbows in them water sprinklers. That's one fact you can take to the bank!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

Obviously some kind of queer trick.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

I'm hoping our good citizens of Freehold will not water their beautiful lawns when the sun it out. Children especially should not see the homers rainbow color next to their own homes.

Lawns can be properly watered at night or on cloudy days.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

First off, Brother Buford, congratulations on getting released. It certainly was unfair that you got locked up for the bombing, especially since you were trying to save lives. It's unfortunate that Obama and his baby-murdering thugs don't understand that True Christians like you have The Lord on your side. But they're going to repent on Judgment Day, when it's too late. So rest assured, they will burn in Hell, while you can look forward to a life of leisure in Heaven!

In the meantime, it's great that you're out, since we've got lots of work for you in the upcoming 2016 election campaign. With people like you traveling the country endorsing compassionate conservative candidates, I see nothing but victory ahead for the Republican Party! Of course, we can't pay you for your speaking engagements, but I am able to offer you a reduction on your credit card debt. Just to remind you, you've got unpaid credit card bills of $17,543, plus $870,284 in late fees and interest payments. Do keep in mind that you can't get into Heaven if you haven't paid off your credit card debts- it says that right there in the 847-page agreement you got when you applied for your card, and clicked on "I agree." The Lord takes these agreements seriously - I know it says something about it in the Bible, though I can't recall the exact passage at the moment.

As to the issue at hand: the rainbows in the water sprinklers. Yes indeed, it must be homo marriage. I can assure you that the fracking chemicals and methane in the water - thanks to my company's drilling operations - do not cause rainbows to appear. Of course, it can show up in other ways...

...but this is actually beneficial! Can save you a bundle on home heating in winter. Plus it's been proven that children inhaling methane actually develop a lower IQ, increasing their chance of voting for Tea Party candidates in the future when they grow up. So it's a win-win for Godly fossil fuels and family values!

[eggcake]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

Hi All,

It's been a long time since I last posted. That's because they didn't allow us to have Internet access or sharp objects at the asylum. But our prayers have been answered and I'm out now. It was totally unfair - but not surprising - that Obama's goons had me locked up just because of that abortion clinic bombing.

But that's all the past. What has me concerned today is this revealing Youtube video about rainbows spotted in the spray from a lawn sprinkler:

The woman who posted it thinks the colors are being caused by water pollution, but that's just the sort of nonsense you'd expect from liberals. We all know the truth: the rainbows are caused by homo marriage. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

All I can say is that when Donald Trump gets to be president, you ain't gonna see no more rainbows in them water sprinklers. That's one fact you can take to the bank!

First of all, welcome back! How horrid it must be for you to come back and see that!
As has been stated, when Trump takes the throne, all will be well

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

Any eschatology student will recognise that rainbow:

Revelation 10:1 And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with a cloud: and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of fire:

Surely True Christians™ can see the angel below the rainbow. But that video makes us focus on the rainbow rather than the angel.

So what does this mean? It means that the rapture is about to happen. I'm packing my bags.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

It gets worse! I thought the homo rainbows in the lawn sprinklers' spray were bad enough, but there is something else nearly as deadly lurking in our Godly water supply...

Climate Change May Be Pushing 'Brain-Eating' Amoeba to Northern Lakes
Deadly organism prefers warmer waters, expert says

FRIDAY, July 24, 2015 (HealthDay News) -- A deadly "brain-eating" amoeba that lives in freshwater sources may be surviving in more northern areas of the United States thanks to climate change, health experts suggest.

Minnesota health officials are still trying to confirm if the death of a Minnesota teen this summer was caused by the single-celled organism Naegleria fowleri. If confirmed, it would be the northernmost infection of Naegleria fowleri ever reported, according to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.

The amoeba normally lives in warmer waters in the southern United States. But since climate change is generally making summers hotter, the amoeba now seems to be in northern waters, said Dr. Bruce Hirsch, an infectious diseases specialist at North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset, N.Y. "Climate change may be playing a role," he said...

more

We all know that Al Gore is behind the global warming hoax, so I think it's pretty obvious where this amoeba comes from. The liberals hate America and will stop at nothing to destroy it. That includes polluting our lakes with deadly disease organisms. All the while they go on and on complaining about how fracking supposedly pollutes water, but True Christians know that the opposite is true. As Rush Limbaugh explained, fracking makes water cleaner, because methane is a disinfectant.

And if all of the above wasn't scary enough, consider what this amoeba looks like...


The feeding structures of the amoeba Naegleria fowleri have a face-like appearance.
Source: Image by D.T. John & T.B. Cole, Visuals Unlimited via National Geographic

I think it's obvious - that's a Negro face! And that means Obama! Notice the resemblance...


Barack "Hussein" Obama

Well, you don't gotta be no rocket scientist to figure this one out. Obama is behind the homo rainbows and this killer amoeba, which was created in his image!

I truly fear for our nation's future.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

As Rush Limbaugh explained, fracking makes water cleaner, because methane is a disinfectant.

I'm glad you brought that up, Brother Buford. My company had a board meeting just yesterday, and we were discussing this issue. Methane in the water is indeed useful as a disinfectant, and as already mentioned, can be used for heating. There are other benefits too - for example, it can kill mosquitoes, cockroaches, rats, and most other creatures that inhale. And yet, here is my company giving away methane FOR FREE to people who live in fracking country. Despite our generosity, we get complaints, protests, citizens' petitions, etc. This is astounding...

...But not unexpected. The fact is, people don't value what they get for free. I can remember an experience I had a few years ago in Houston, when my limo was stopped at a traffic light. There was one of those homeless "people" on the curb, holding up a "will work for food" sign. Now I know what some of you guys are gonna say - that I shouldn't give away anything for free to the poor, because you know, it's just gonna spoil them. Give them a dollar and they want 10, give 'em 10 and they want 100. Once you start giving the "needy" money, they get lazy, greedy, start using meth, etc.

But it was a moment of weakness. I see this poor guy standing there in the freezing rain, he's all skin and bones, missing a few teeth, down on his luck. So I roll down the electric window on my limo and I shout, "Hey buddy, here you go!" And toss him the still lit stub of my $100 Cuban cigar.

But do you think he was grateful? Not at all. He didn't even pick up the cigar stub, as if it was beneath him. In fact, he immediately wanted more. He said, "I haven't eaten in two days, could you spare a dollar?" Well, I tell you, I was beside myself. He wanted a whole dollar! As if I look like the type of person who would have a dollar in his wallet. In fact, smallest domination I ever carry is $100 bills, which are just perfect for lighting cigars. Yeah, sometimes I run out of 100s and have to use a 50 or a 20 to light a smoke or wipe my posterior, but I don't ever use single dollars.

I was pretty insulted and thought about calling 911 and getting the Houston Police Department (now privatized and run by my company) to come out and taz the miscreant. But on second thought, I decided to just let it go. Yeah, like I said, I was having a moment of weakness, maybe because it was Christmas eve.

Anyway, it was a valuable lesson for me. If folks think my company is gonna keep supplying them with free methane in their drinking water, they got another thing coming. Starting next month, your water bill will contain a 20% surcharge for all the formerly-free methane. It's not about the money, it's the principle. People have got to stop depending on donations and Big Government to survive, or else they'll grow weak. It's about time we took action to end the cycle of poverty and welfare, and replace it, with pure poverty. It's what Jesus would do.

[amythornton]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

Horrifying what Satan will do to get people on his side. "Science" is easily forged, just like we all know the doctors are using vaccines to get us to abandon our faith.

[Prayer Warrior]

Re: Rainbows in the lawn sprinklers

But do you think he was grateful? Not at all. He didn't even pick up the cigar stub, as if it was beneath him. In fact, he immediately wanted more. He said, "I haven't eaten in two days, could you spare a dollar?" Well, I tell you, I was beside myself. He wanted a whole dollar! As if I look like the type of person who would have a dollar in his wallet. In fact, smallest domination I ever carry is $100 bills, which are just perfect for lighting cigars. Yeah, sometimes I run out of 100s and have to use a 50 or a 20 to light a smoke or wipe my posterior, but I don't ever use single dollars.

I was pretty insulted and thought about calling 911 and getting the Houston Police Department (now privatized and run by my company) to come out and taz the miscreant. But on second thought, I decided to just let it go. Yeah, like I said, I was having a moment of weakness, maybe because it was Christmas eve.

You are Christ-like in your capacity to forgive the transgressions of others. I can't imagine not calling the police after being verbally harassed into surrendering my hard earned money to a diabolical bum.