Obama Using Mars Water To Give Himself Satanic Power

[Pastor Ezekiel]

THIS is shocking Christians all over God's favorite country (America!), but True Christian(tm) Pastors are not surprised. The black mambo muslim occupying our WHITE house has always used satanic powers to fool the world. I pledge on Christ's own blood that I will not rest until that Kenyan jigaboo is exposed for what he is and expelled from the Whitehouse forever.

NASA: Obama Using Mars Water To Give Himself Satanic Power

Obama is using the water of Mars to give himself powers beyond that of normal men.

According to ancient Roman texts, Mars was the god of war. Christian scholars hypothesize that Mars was actually a fallen angel who hid-out on the planet Mars (hence its name) after Satan and his liberal angels tried to fight God and were thrown out of heaven.

Mars went on to sneak to Earth where he tried to quietly rule the ancient world under many different names, including [redacted by JesOS]

For a year Obama has diverted a staggering $64 billion of America’s budget to power NASA. Why Obama would give such a crippling amount of America’s waning budget to NASA proved puzzling for months, but with NASA’s latest announcement and insider reports we can confirm Obama is exploring Mars so he may capture its secrets to give himself power to create a new age of liberal darkness for all mankind.

Weeks ago, the Curiosity rover revealed an ancient Egyptian hieroglypic set on Mars and the text, according to ancient Egyptologists, roughly translates to ‘O-BAMA’. The bigger story is the US government’s shadow government budget that funded ‘return orbiters’ that are bringing Martian water straight back to the White House, where Obama is drinking it and seeing if it gives him the power of a fallen angel of war.

[Des]

Re: Obama Using Mars Water To Give Himself Satanic Power

Would a demon-water empowered Obama be a match for Putin?

I'm also curious; has anyone actually ever seen Hillary Clinton's birth certificate?

[Back against wall]

Re: Obama Using Mars Water To Give Himself Satanic Power

Would a demon-water empowered Obama be a match for Putin?

Apparently not

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Obama Using Mars Water To Give Himself Satanic Power

A minor point, but is Obama drinking the water or giving himself an enema with it?

Just curious.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Obama Using Mars Water To Give Himself Satanic Power

Of course, Obama is in league with Al Gore, scientists, vegetarians and other Satan worshipers to promote the global warming hoax so as to create a New World Order where everyone will be forced into a homo marriage. Thank the Lord that we have Fox News and Rush Limbaugh to explain this to us.

But when it comes to the issue of water on Mars, things are a little more complicated. It's true that NASA is a Big Government socialist organization that promotes abortion and Islam, but Republicans have a simple solution to this: privatization! There's no reason why NASA couldn't be sold to my company, and with that accomplished we can combine taxpayer-subsided space ventures with the genius of the free market, a classic win-win situation!

Now that we've discovered water on the desert planet of Mars, it's time to do what my company does right here on Earth - sell real estate. While land prices in desert communities such as Las Vegas and Palm Springs have skyrocketed, it is still affordable on Mars. Now is the time to invest, while it's still possible to get in on the ground floor.

My company is already beginning construction of the first Martian desert resort community, Red Sands Estates. Our first condo buyer was none other than Hollywood movie star Matt Damon, who did a little advance PR work recently with his just-released blockbuster The Martian.


Red Sands Estates


Great night views - sometimes you can see the Earth!


Phase 2 construction will include a golf course!

Obviously, the time to buy is now, before prices soar! And with Armageddon just around the corner, True Christians should be strongly motivated to purchase a cute little hideaway in a safe location before the Earth is destroyed. The cold hard fact is that you can't rely on just prayer alone if you want to be saved - remember, the Lord helps those who help themselves.

We have easy financing terms available for first-time buyers. Please call our 24-hour toll-free hotline for further information. Our sales agents answering the phone might have a bit of a Martian accent, but please don't mistake them for Indians.

Your call is very important to us. I urge all True Christians to take this Godly step today and purchase a Martian condo, while there is still time. As blessed President Bush said during 9/11, the proper response of Americans in times of crisis is to "go shopping." It's what Jesus would do.