Applications for "Seed Bearer" now being accepted

[Larry Lee]

As many of you know, Landover Baptist Church has established full communion with the True Christian™ Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Unfortunately, our Latter-day Saint brethren have fallen upon hard times and can barely support their cloistered Christian communities located in hostile American deserts throughout the southwest. We want to help them! And thus, I am honored to announce that for the next quarter, Landover outreach will provide "Seed Bearers" to Latter-day Saints communities, in order to improve their genetics and guarantee their many years of vigorous survival.

If you are a True Christian™ man interested in serving in the missionary role as a Seed Bearer to a Latter-day Saints community in the American desert, please post your credentials -- including testimonials and cell phone video captures -- to the comments section of this announcement. Thank you.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Applications for "Seed Bearer" now being accepted

When Elder Orson first approached us about entering into communion, I thought it would never happen. I'm thrilled that we found common ground, with them agreeing to remove the Satanic symbols from their magic underwear and to keep the Joseph Smith talk (and the you become a god when you die if you're a man nonsense) to an appropriate minimum. Beyond that, they actually follow a Biblical lifestyle nearly as well as we do. I think the cross-training with them in weapons and tactics will prove quite a boon for both Churches. Plus, should any of us True Christians™ ever become Freemasons, they'll already know the secret handshakes.

Unfortunately, my missionary work is focused on the lost souls of New York City, so I don't have time to play Johnny Appleseed to a bunch of inbred girls on church compounds in Utah.