GOP Talking Points: Universal Fire Protection hurts capitalism

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

• Universal Fire Protection puts bureaucrat between you and your firemen. It means the rationing of fire services, and destroys the principles of the free market.
• Republicans already have an alternative plan emphasizing personal responsibility, and heavy distribution of garden hoses for those who do not currently live in a fire protection district. Their two page plan consists of a cover page and this:

• Republicans voting on fire policy will still have federal government fire protection as members of congress. That’s different; republican congressmen are important members of society. Every important and wealthy person should be covered because their houses are worth more.
• Government trucks are too big and slow to put out a fire well. Also those stupid Dalmatians start more fires than they put out.
• The Government can’t possibly put out fires as well as private companies could, but currently all of the superior private fire departments go out of business because they can't compete with the inferior socialized fire departments.
• Private fire protecion has already been done with spectacular success in other countries. When was the last time you heard of a major fire in Somolia?

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: GOP Talking Points: Universal Fire Protection hurts capitalis

I agree that this is an important talking point, and we should expand on it.

There are many government services which would be much better left to private industry:

Police protection. What's wrong with fully privatized police? Just look at Mexico for an example. The government-run police are ineffective and corrupt, while the privatized militias of drug dealers are much more efficient. We need to follow that model here in the USA.

Disaster relief. Well, George W Bush partially privatized FEMA, and it was a great success. The only thing wrong is that it wasn't fully privatized. Halliburton should run it for profit. If people want to be evacuated from a rooftop during a flood, they'd better have their credit card handy.

The military. The good news is that George W Bush privatized much of the military. Over half the troops in Iraq were mercenaries, erh, private contractors. But that isn't good enough - we need a 100% private army. It works for Somalia, so surely it can work for us. Just think of all the tax dollars it would save.

The postal service. It's outrageous that you can write a letter, put a 44-cent stamp on it, drop it in a letter box and have it delivered anywhere in the country in two or three days. Obviously, for 44-cents, the postal service can't make money, so it's another example of socialism. A for-profit private company like FedEx can deliver letters in half the time for a mere $12 a piece. I'd say that's a good old-fashioned bargain.

Roads. I see no reasons why the streets should belong to the public. Privatized toll roads everywhere are the way to go. Again, look to Somalia - what a great road system they have! We should be envious.

I fear that Osambo will undo the many good works of George W Bush. Osambo is already threatening the health care industry with socialism. That's a real shame, since America has the greatest health care in the world (for anyone earning over $1 million/year). If Osambo starts offering communist-style universal health care, doctors will be overwhelmed with patients and won't have time to enjoy their limos and LearJets. The current system of private triage insurance is far more efficient than anything the government could ever offer. Just look at Canada - how many health insurance company CEOs in that country could afford to buy their own personal aircraft carrier and convert it into a yacht? I rest my case.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford