CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

[Glendora Christianson]

Folks, someone (very high up) in the White house has asked for help in creating an approved Republican Bathroom Foot Tapping Code. Only the most spiritually pure (our members - of course) can be trusted to help out. Hopefully, in the future embarrassing misunderstandings will be avoided this way.

Anyway, please help us with the project:

1 tap = _____________
2 taps = _____________
3 taps = _____________
Gentle Foot Cozy = ______________
Finger Swipe in adjacent stall = ______________

Your input is desperately needed and I have offered to bake a large batch of Snickerdoodles for the person with the best ideas. ANTICIPATING GLENDORA

[Deaner]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

the White house has asked for help in creating an approved Republican Bathroom Foot Tapping Code.

1 tap = "Hey, how you doing? I'm not gay in case you're wondering."

2 taps = "Are you not gay too?"

3 taps = "Ain't it great not to be gay and doing homer things in the bathroom; that's against the law you know."

Gentle Foot Cozy = "You seem like a swell guy. Wanna get together to drink beer and watch football?"

Finger Swipe in adjacent stall = "Are these walls sheet metal or aluminum? I find aluminum easier to maintain and longer lasting."

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

1 tap = Probably just adjusting pants, or his belt buckle hitting the the floor.

2 taps = Probably just testing to see if someone is there.

3 taps = Looking for homersexshul mouth action

Gentle Foot Cozy = Looking for full on Sodomy

Finger Swipe in adjacent stall = Hey Buddy, can ya spare some toilet paper?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

This is a tough one. Toe taps from a sodomite means something very different than toe taps from a Godly White Christian Republican Senator.

My guess is that he was simply replaying "The Star Spangled Banner" in his head, and got carried away with his enthusiastic toe tapping to the patriotic strains of Sousa.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

1 tap = _________
2 taps = _____________
3 taps = _____________
Gentle Foot Cozy = ______________
Finger Swipe in adjacent stall = ______________

Senator Craig stated that the incident was a misunderstanding, and that's good enough for me. Since real men do not tap their feet, this is obviously a trick test by the White House. How would I know what all that tapping means? Go ask a little girl or a Negro.

[Mr. Jingles]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

1 tap = _________
2 taps = _____________
3 taps = _____________
Gentle Foot Cozy = ______________
Finger Swipe in adjacent stall = ______________

Senator Craig stated that the incident was a misunderstanding, and that's good enough for me. Since real men do not tap their feet, this is obviously a trick test by the White House. How would I know what all that tapping means? Go ask a little girl or a Negro.

It simply appalls me that anyone would accuse a Republican of telling a lie. something they are incapable of doing.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

Obviously Senator Craig is innocent because he says so. He was probably just tapping his feet to a prayer hymn he was listening to on his MP3 player. However, in order to avoid trouble in the future, I think he'd be wise to wear Nike air-cushion running shoes. That way, the gay police wouldn't be able to hear his prayer hymn tapping.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

1 tap = Hey, are there any stocky black guys around?
2 taps = I don't want to sound like a racist or nuthin', but is anyone else getting intimidated by all these stocky black guys?
3 taps = If a stocky black guy attacked me right now, would you help me beat him off?

[lord warrior]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

1 TAP Are you a fellow Christian

2 TAPS Are you in need of salvation

3 TAPS Have you need of the love of Christ

GENTLE FOOT COZY Can you feel the love of Jesus in here

FINGER SWIPE UNDER STALL Just looking for homer listening devices

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

What with all the confusion between disgusting homers and honest god fearing republican toilet stall tappers, I prefer not to do any tapping, just in case there is another misunderstanding.
Instead, I only use bathroom stalls that have a hole drilled through the wall, approx 6cm in diameter and positioned 6 inches below waist level. That way I can either poke my gun through to discourage unwanted attention or pass a note or my business card through to the user in the next stall, asking him if he is a Republican, thus avoiding the need for any further oral communication should the user turn out to be gay, black , latino or unemployed.
Sometimes I drill out my own hole, if the occasion demands.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

What with all the confusion between disgusting homers and honest god fearing republican toilet stall tappers, I prefer not to do any tapping, just in case there is another misunderstanding.
Instead, I only use bathroom stalls that have a hole drilled through the wall, approx 6cm in diameter and positioned 6 inches below waist level. That way I can either poke my gun through to discourage unwanted attention or pass a note or my business card through to the user in the next stall, asking him if he is a Republican, thus avoiding the need for any further oral communication should the user turn out to be gay, black , latino or unemployed.
Sometimes I drill out my own hole, if the occasion demands.

Praise Jesus, an excellent idea!

[Nobar King]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

1 tap = Hey, are there any stocky black guys around?
2 taps = I don't want to sound like a racist or nuthin', but is anyone else getting intimidated by all these stocky black guys?
3 taps = If a stocky black guy attacked me right now, would you help me beat him off?

This reminds me of the joke, "How many true Christians would it take to beat off a black guy?"

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

I don't care how much my stall neighbor taps, just so long as there are no "jazz hands," or those faggoty Bob Fosse derby dances.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

1 tap = "You know I ain't queer."

2 taps = "Me neither."

3 taps = "You been to Mexico?"

Gentle foot cozy = "You got your wife and your baby in Texas and, you know, I got my life in Riverton."

Finger swipe in adjacent stall = "Well, I guess I'll see you around, huh?"

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: CONTEST: GOP Bathroom Foot Tap Code Needed

A good article on this topic from our Christian friends at The Onion:

I Think I'll Drive The Kids Up To The State Park To See This 'Glory Hole'
I try to be a good dad, but even so, I've been noticing this family drifting apart. We don't talk as much at the dinner table. We don't spend Sunday nights playing Clue as often as we used to. Our set of matching fishing poles is just collecting dust in the closet. I think this family needs to take a nice day trip. I know Bryan wants to go to the aviation museum, and Hilary loves the petting zoo in Greenwood, but I've got a better idea. I keep hearing about this "Glory Hole" up at the state park, and it sounds like just the thing.

continued at:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33792