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As all of you probably already know, the USA is preparing to default on the national debt. That is scheduled to happen less than one week from now!
This is a unprecedented event in American history. The only way that a debt default can be avoided is if the US House and Senate vote to raise the debt ceiling. However, that would require a bipartisan effort, and I see no reason why conservatives should cooperate with the libtards unless we get our proverbial pound of flesh.
Currently, Republican Speaker of the House John Boner and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor are in negotiations with Kenyan President Barack HUSSEIN Osama on a deficit-reduction plan. The Republican and Tea Party budget proposal is very reasonable: eliminate Social Security and Medicare, while increasing military spending and tax cuts for the rich.
Of course, we'll also want to trim other wasteful guvmint spending wherever we can. For example, why not eliminate unnecessary bureaucratic agencies like the EPA, SEC and FDA? I mean really, what do these agencies do anyway? Yeah, I know the EPA used to control pollution, the SEC prevented stockmarket fraud, and the FDA used to do food and drug safety inspections - in short, a bunch of liberal do-gooder stuff that hurts corporate profits. Fortunate, we've already gutted those agencies by staffing them with "revolving-door" industry insiders and the families of corporate CEOs. So why not just eliminate ALL regulatory agencies and put them out of their misery?
Every time we have these budget debates, I get particularly disgusted when I hear the Marxist liberal Democrats start their bleeding-heart whining, like "What about the children?" Well, what about them? They probably won't live long enough to collect Social Security and Medicare anyway (since we're going to raise the retirement age to 96), so I don't see any reason why that Socialist Security welfare program for old useless fossils needs to be funded anymore.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not without sympathy for the poor and downtrodden. But I see no reason why they can't do what I do: invest in stocks and use insider information to earn 300% profit a month. As for health care, why don't they purchase private medical insurance from companies like mine? After all, we actually pay nearly 50% of the claims and only roll out our privatized Death Panels if the amount exceeds $25,000. I'd say that's pretty reasonable.
Furthermore, the Tea Party is supporting my proposal to hold a weekly National Contest to win free health care. It will be a televised event, kind of like that "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" show. The old biddies on life-support can compete with each other to answer questions - get it right, and you can get a free doctor's appointment or "double-down" for more health care; get it wrong, and it's off to the glue factory. We might even include some scenes from actual glue factories to make it more exciting - the audience will love it!
Similarly, my think-tank employees at the Heritage Foundation are just putting the final touches on a proposal to sell admission tickets to prisoner executions in Texas. Among the ideas being floated is a suggestion to let members of the public compete to throw the switch on the electric chair, or participate in a real firing squad.
Fun For the Whole Family
Whole families could participate in these executions. Just imagine how much fun this will be for kids! As a caring, sharing compassionate conservative, I say that we must "think about the children" - give them a chance to fire at a real living target, not some dumb piece of cardboard with circles painted on it.
This is a unprecedented event in American history. The only way that a debt default can be avoided is if the US House and Senate vote to raise the debt ceiling. However, that would require a bipartisan effort, and I see no reason why conservatives should cooperate with the libtards unless we get our proverbial pound of flesh.
Currently, Republican Speaker of the House John Boner and House Majority Leader Eric Cantor are in negotiations with Kenyan President Barack HUSSEIN Osama on a deficit-reduction plan. The Republican and Tea Party budget proposal is very reasonable: eliminate Social Security and Medicare, while increasing military spending and tax cuts for the rich.
Of course, we'll also want to trim other wasteful guvmint spending wherever we can. For example, why not eliminate unnecessary bureaucratic agencies like the EPA, SEC and FDA? I mean really, what do these agencies do anyway? Yeah, I know the EPA used to control pollution, the SEC prevented stockmarket fraud, and the FDA used to do food and drug safety inspections - in short, a bunch of liberal do-gooder stuff that hurts corporate profits. Fortunate, we've already gutted those agencies by staffing them with "revolving-door" industry insiders and the families of corporate CEOs. So why not just eliminate ALL regulatory agencies and put them out of their misery?
Every time we have these budget debates, I get particularly disgusted when I hear the Marxist liberal Democrats start their bleeding-heart whining, like "What about the children?" Well, what about them? They probably won't live long enough to collect Social Security and Medicare anyway (since we're going to raise the retirement age to 96), so I don't see any reason why that Socialist Security welfare program for old useless fossils needs to be funded anymore.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not without sympathy for the poor and downtrodden. But I see no reason why they can't do what I do: invest in stocks and use insider information to earn 300% profit a month. As for health care, why don't they purchase private medical insurance from companies like mine? After all, we actually pay nearly 50% of the claims and only roll out our privatized Death Panels if the amount exceeds $25,000. I'd say that's pretty reasonable.
Furthermore, the Tea Party is supporting my proposal to hold a weekly National Contest to win free health care. It will be a televised event, kind of like that "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" show. The old biddies on life-support can compete with each other to answer questions - get it right, and you can get a free doctor's appointment or "double-down" for more health care; get it wrong, and it's off to the glue factory. We might even include some scenes from actual glue factories to make it more exciting - the audience will love it!
Similarly, my think-tank employees at the Heritage Foundation are just putting the final touches on a proposal to sell admission tickets to prisoner executions in Texas. Among the ideas being floated is a suggestion to let members of the public compete to throw the switch on the electric chair, or participate in a real firing squad.
Fun For the Whole Family
Whole families could participate in these executions. Just imagine how much fun this will be for kids! As a caring, sharing compassionate conservative, I say that we must "think about the children" - give them a chance to fire at a real living target, not some dumb piece of cardboard with circles painted on it.
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