Somethings missing from my life, can you help

[Benedict A. Davis]

Anybody that knows me understands I always look forward to the National elections. Choosing the right True Christian Republican (like I needed to say that!) and supporting my choices to the bitter end. With the conventions starting soon I have come to realize that there is something missing in my life, I need a negro friend.
I recently lost my negro friend of old, actually I had to let him go, he was beginning to believe we were really friends. I just don't know came over him after a 12 year relationship he honestly thought he could show up at my house, uninvited, to borrow a power washer or a hammer. The straw that broke the camels back was when he tried to join in on a conversation uninvited and spouting ''his thoughts'' on a political topic. I was never so embarrassed in mixed company.
What was wrong with our original comfort boundaries? I could call him my negro friend and he could wave to me from across the room. I can't figure out how I could show up on the convention circuit without a current negro friend, I guess I could get another messican but too many taco benders in an entourage can send the wrong message.
Does anyone know where I can get another negroe friend. I envision a Clarance Thomas type but they are few and far between in the RNC and they are all taken by the movers and shakers not a tourist type like myself.

I too have a dream!

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Somethings missing from my life, can you help

There is a website called blackfriendconnect.com which may be useful, Brother Benedict, though I understand that they expect to be paid. On the other hand, the exchange of money would make his position in your life (i.e. as hired help) absolutely crystal clear.

Luckily we have no need for such shenanigans at our British National Party rallies.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Somethings missing from my life, can you help

I don't trust them, and they smell funny.

Best to avoid them, brother.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Somethings missing from my life, can you help

I don't trust them, and they smell funny.

Best to avoid them, brother.

I understand your feelings, Pastor Zeke. Right now the Negroes are running rampant spreading AIDS and ebola all over the world. They have a long history of doing this: back in the 14th century, the Black Plague spread all over Europe, even infecting white people. It was finally curtailed by a diligent public health campaign, which consisted of exorcisms, witch burnings and shipping the Negroes to plantations in the New World.

Unfortunately, nowadays it's no longer politically correct to burn Negroes at the stake, even when they're carrying contagious diseases like sickle-cell anemia. Indeed, we shower them with food stamps and welfare checks, causing them to multiply while growing fat, lazy and shooting-up drugs like LSD and marijuana.

And ever since the liberals stole the last election and put Obama in the White House, things have gone from bad to worse. Would you believe that it's actually illegal now to build separate (but equal) whites-only public restrooms! That's right, white people are actually forced to sit on the same toilet seats used by Negroes! No wonder AIDS is spreading!

All that said, I don't want anybody to think that I'm a racist. There are indeed black people whom I respect. Some of them are great entertainers. I know I'm putting my reputation on the line for saying this, but I kind of liked Michael Jackson. Although his singing wasn't great, that boy could really tap dance! Plus he made the very intelligent decision to use his money on medical treatments to cure his blackness.


Michael Jackson, before whitening


Michael Jackson (on left), after

Unfortunately, even the best plastic surgeon couldn't do anything about Michael Jackson's diminutive Negro brain. So Michael did a whole lot of dumb things, like chasing after 10-year-old boys at his Neverland ranch. Anyone with a lick of sense knows that such things are not tolerated in the USA. If Michael had some smarts, he would have followed Rush Limbaugh's lead and gone to the Dominican Republic for that.

Our wise founding fathers like Ronald Reagan understood that Negroes would be a problem if we ever set them loose, and that's why they were all given lifetime jobs picking cotton in the early days of our republic. Sadly, this is no longer the case, and Godly corporations like my company are forced to go overseas to find Chinks and Bangladeshis to do the work that Americans are no longer willing to do. It's a sad state of affairs indeed.


Negro, spending welfare check and food stamps on cheap booze and drugs

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Somethings missing from my life, can you help

Anybody that knows me understands I always look forward to the National elections. Choosing the right True Christian Republican (like I needed to say that!) and supporting my choices to the bitter end. With the conventions starting soon I have come to realize that there is something missing in my life, I need a negro friend.
I recently lost my negro friend of old, actually I had to let him go, he was beginning to believe we were really friends. I just don't know came over him after a 12 year relationship he honestly thought he could show up at my house, uninvited, to borrow a power washer or a hammer. The straw that broke the camels back was when he tried to join in on a conversation uninvited and spouting ''his thoughts'' on a political topic. I was never so embarrassed in mixed company.
What was wrong with our original comfort boundaries? I could call him my negro friend and he could wave to me from across the room. I can't figure out how I could show up on the convention circuit without a current negro friend, I guess I could get another messican but too many taco benders in an entourage can send the wrong message.
Does anyone know where I can get another negroe friend. I envision a Clarance Thomas type but they are few and far between in the RNC and they are all taken by the movers and shakers not a tourist type like myself.

I too have a dream!

I don't trust him! I've seen that look on their faces before.

The only "thought" he has on his mind is raping a white, blonde woman.

I'll also bet you dollars to donuts that he has stolen a pie or two in his day.

[Ex-soccer player]

Re: Somethings missing from my life, can you help

This boy probably got a job through affirmative action. Now he's sitting there and doesn't know what his job is all about but tries to live out his "big man syndrome". These uppity negroes are too funny. Do you remember the fake "interpreter" from terrorist Nelson Mandela's memorial service