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Brothers and sisters in Christ,
By now some of you have noticed something flitting through the skies outside Freehold. No, they are not angels, and no, Cranky Old Man, they are not ducks, so please stop shooting at them.
But I digress. My dear friends, what you have been catching glimpses of are not angels, but the next best thing; surveillance drones.
Just as Jesus is up in heaven looking down on each and every one of us, my company, Divine Scrutiny Ltd, in conjunction with The Uranus Corporation, has endeavored to make our streets safer through the creation of Domestic Surveillance Drones!
I've been working on this project for two years now, but only when I was able to meet face to face with Brother Free Market Fred was I finally able to obtain the funding necessary to bring my dream to fruition. With his contacts both the N.S.A. and the D.O.D. were on board and dozens of nimble-fingered slants were put to work making this project a reality.
This endeavor is funded entirely by 'black money operations'. Now I don't know what that means, and can only assume they have found a way to collect taxes from Negroes.
The drones are capable of speeds up to 45mph, can hoover, have a two hour battery life, and are equipped with infrared cameras and state-of-the-art audio pickup and recording capability. As Brother Cranky has discovered, they are resistant to bird shot. They are not however resistant to saboted light armor piercing rounds, also discovered by Cranky.
The drones are also capable of depositing a stationary minicam with decent sound pickup quality. The minicams are motion/noise sensitive and with some practice can be deposited on 3/4 inch windowsills or even tree branches. The minicams can not transmit, but will record for up to 72 hours. The drone can be programmed to retrieve deployed minicams autonomously during down time using your drone operation controls. All data retrieved by both drone and minicam are automatically recorded and easily downloaded to an external drive from your control panel.
What does this mean for Freehold?
I'm glad you asked. You see, unlike N.S.A. surveillance, my DSD program puts the surveillance in the hands of trustworthy observers with what I like to call Faith Based Surveillance. Drone pilots will be selected by a panel consisting of myself, Brother Fred, and appointed LBC officials, as we all agree that only those of the highest moral caliber should be entrusted with something so potentially invasive.
Selected pilot candidates attend a three day, twelve hour training program, and the good news is that the Government even pays you to complete the program! Thanks to Brother Fred's shrewd negotiation skills, each pilot will receive a $2,500 check upon completion of the program, and $145 per flight hour logged. Additional bonuses of up to $100,000 are possible if you manage to snag a terrorist on the top 20 list.
The Government will also pay a stipend to the city of Freehold to lease the small amount of space needed for a drone pilot control center. I've not been involved in that discussion, but good sources tell me that several good pastors may be able to afford new jets this year!
Once fully trained, pilots can select any drone not in use at any of the twenty eight test city locations. It is a simple matter of logging in, selecting your drone, and taking to the sky.
Should a National Threat be identified, a clearly labeled Terrorist button will send all obtained data to a security team who will review and assess the threat. At least that is the theory. In practice, 5 of the 11 threats I identified during test runs resulted in the threat being detained and incarcerated in under an hour, so the teams seem to trust our judgement on this.
Presently the only cities available are high terrorist potential Blue state cities (and at Fred's request, Ferguson), but our friends at the D.O.D. and N.S.A. have promised more money and units in every major city in the country should the program prove useful.
Friends, I can tell you for a fact that these are easy to use. I myself have logged over 2,000 flight hours, and two of my boys have logged 5,000 hours to date. And not only that, they pay off. My boys have been tracking a lead to a terrorist cell at a Sorority house, and for several weeks I've been keeping tabs on twin Japanese American sisters I suspect have ties to al Qaeda or ISIS. Together we can keep America safe! I look forward to seeing each and every one of you at the training center this coming Thursday.
By now some of you have noticed something flitting through the skies outside Freehold. No, they are not angels, and no, Cranky Old Man, they are not ducks, so please stop shooting at them.
But I digress. My dear friends, what you have been catching glimpses of are not angels, but the next best thing; surveillance drones.
Just as Jesus is up in heaven looking down on each and every one of us, my company, Divine Scrutiny Ltd, in conjunction with The Uranus Corporation, has endeavored to make our streets safer through the creation of Domestic Surveillance Drones!
I've been working on this project for two years now, but only when I was able to meet face to face with Brother Free Market Fred was I finally able to obtain the funding necessary to bring my dream to fruition. With his contacts both the N.S.A. and the D.O.D. were on board and dozens of nimble-fingered slants were put to work making this project a reality.
This endeavor is funded entirely by 'black money operations'. Now I don't know what that means, and can only assume they have found a way to collect taxes from Negroes.
The drones are capable of speeds up to 45mph, can hoover, have a two hour battery life, and are equipped with infrared cameras and state-of-the-art audio pickup and recording capability. As Brother Cranky has discovered, they are resistant to bird shot. They are not however resistant to saboted light armor piercing rounds, also discovered by Cranky.
The drones are also capable of depositing a stationary minicam with decent sound pickup quality. The minicams are motion/noise sensitive and with some practice can be deposited on 3/4 inch windowsills or even tree branches. The minicams can not transmit, but will record for up to 72 hours. The drone can be programmed to retrieve deployed minicams autonomously during down time using your drone operation controls. All data retrieved by both drone and minicam are automatically recorded and easily downloaded to an external drive from your control panel.
What does this mean for Freehold?
I'm glad you asked. You see, unlike N.S.A. surveillance, my DSD program puts the surveillance in the hands of trustworthy observers with what I like to call Faith Based Surveillance. Drone pilots will be selected by a panel consisting of myself, Brother Fred, and appointed LBC officials, as we all agree that only those of the highest moral caliber should be entrusted with something so potentially invasive.
Selected pilot candidates attend a three day, twelve hour training program, and the good news is that the Government even pays you to complete the program! Thanks to Brother Fred's shrewd negotiation skills, each pilot will receive a $2,500 check upon completion of the program, and $145 per flight hour logged. Additional bonuses of up to $100,000 are possible if you manage to snag a terrorist on the top 20 list.
The Government will also pay a stipend to the city of Freehold to lease the small amount of space needed for a drone pilot control center. I've not been involved in that discussion, but good sources tell me that several good pastors may be able to afford new jets this year!
Once fully trained, pilots can select any drone not in use at any of the twenty eight test city locations. It is a simple matter of logging in, selecting your drone, and taking to the sky.
Should a National Threat be identified, a clearly labeled Terrorist button will send all obtained data to a security team who will review and assess the threat. At least that is the theory. In practice, 5 of the 11 threats I identified during test runs resulted in the threat being detained and incarcerated in under an hour, so the teams seem to trust our judgement on this.
Presently the only cities available are high terrorist potential Blue state cities (and at Fred's request, Ferguson), but our friends at the D.O.D. and N.S.A. have promised more money and units in every major city in the country should the program prove useful.
Friends, I can tell you for a fact that these are easy to use. I myself have logged over 2,000 flight hours, and two of my boys have logged 5,000 hours to date. And not only that, they pay off. My boys have been tracking a lead to a terrorist cell at a Sorority house, and for several weeks I've been keeping tabs on twin Japanese American sisters I suspect have ties to al Qaeda or ISIS. Together we can keep America safe! I look forward to seeing each and every one of you at the training center this coming Thursday.
I will expect the footage collected sent to me within 12 hours. 
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