Early Voting Laws Hurt Godly Republicans.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Early voting laws in several states allow people to start voting a month before the actual election. They must be trashed. They hurt us.

When everyone votes the same day, election day, the campaigns go right up to the night before. This allows a brilliant political tool to be unleashed the day before the election. We insiders call it The Grenade.

The Grenade is some fact or piece of information that hurts an opponent but cannot be rebutted because there is not time. It is not a lie. For something to be a lie, it has to come from a liar. We never reveal where the information came from. Since there no liar, there is no lie.

I was at a meeting today of Committee to Elect Joni Ernst today. Joni is a gun totin', abortion hatin' Christian and Republican who is running for the U.S. Senate here in Iowa. We have a really good Grenade to use on the schmuck she is running against.

But, there was disagreement in the room about when to throw it. People are already voting and election day is a month away. Throw it early and Satan's candidate will rebut. Throw it late and the votes are already in.

Early voting is bad for God's favorite country.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Early Voting Laws Hurt Godly Republicans.

This is the dumbest idea ever. Your average God-fearing Christian is ready to vote the straight, Godly GOP ticket at a moment's notice. We know our vote and our women's too. Liberals need time to have orgies, eat ethnic foods, pray to satan, and then saunter down to the polling station.

Who ever heard of "early voting" anyway. The Holy Bible says that there's a specific time for everything. No mention of "early."

Ecclesiastes 3

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.