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Greetings fellow True Christians! I just got back from visiting one of my company's newest factories in China, and I have to say that I've never felt so excited about what I saw. I predict that we're going to have some of the most profitable years ever due to increases in efficiency.
With the Christmas shopping season about to begin, we are of course ramping up production of our traditional products for kids. Not too many surprises there, but thanks to a recent cooperative agreement we made with the Chink military, we've been able to reduce production costs due to shared manufacturing facilities.
Preparing for the End Times can be fun!
New silencer accessory means kids won't disturb the neighbors!
Great for wood carving!
Fun fireworks for New Year's Eve!
Teach your kids to protect private property from trespassers!
Despite the fact that all of the above are time-tested traditional fun products for kids, the liberals are already whining about how militarized Christmas toys are encouraging violence. Well, I hear that argument every year, and quite frankly I'm tired of it. How many times do we conservatives have to say it: "Land mines don't kill people, only people kill people." Sheesh, when are these secular humanists going to read the second amendment?
But getting back to Christmas gifts: In addition to these traditional fun products for kids, we've got some great new innovative products for adults who need to keep the youngsters in line. I'm sure I don't have to tell all you parents just how trying it can be at times when the children act out. True, you can keep them in line most of the time with a good heavy dose of Prozac and Ritalin, but there are times when you need them conscious so that they can do their daily chores.
Although a good beating is a traditional and time-tested method of keeping the brats (not to mention the wife) in line, it needs to be weighed against the fact that you can accidentally cause injuries this way. Let's face it - you want your kids in good physical condition to wash dishes, mow the lawn and shovel snow - especially if you want to rent them out to earn some extra cash. With that in mind - and aided by a grant from the Department of Homeland Security - my company is proud to announce the newly developed the Timeout Suit™. Recently tested at Guantanamo Bay and Abu Gharib, we have found this to be a humane alternative to tasers and shock collars when you need to enforce discipline.
Timeout Suit™ - the cutesy face mask that will make your kids smile!
Not surprisingly, we've already sold a number of these to juvenile detention halls around the country. The device has gotten rave reviews!
By the way, I'm proud to say that the Timeout Suit™ was originally developed from suggestions tested by a team of prominent Republican lawmakers during a single weekend here in Cambodia when we held a family values conference at the newly opened Nudie Cutie Club in Phnom Penh.
Timeout Suit™ prototype was developed by
Republican family values experts
Focus-On-The-Family members assist young ladies to put on
Timeout Suit™ in back room
As usual, the liberals are whining about all this - they can't stand to see True Christian families getting into the spirit of gift-giving during Christmas, God's chosen holiday for maxing out credit cards. But then it's hardly surprising - if liberals had their way, they'd outlaw Christmas and force everyone to celebrate Kwanzaa, a homo-Muslim atheist pagan festival based on Al Gore's global warming hoax.
All the more reason to stock-up guns and ammo now, before Obama tries to seize them.
With the Christmas shopping season about to begin, we are of course ramping up production of our traditional products for kids. Not too many surprises there, but thanks to a recent cooperative agreement we made with the Chink military, we've been able to reduce production costs due to shared manufacturing facilities.
Preparing for the End Times can be fun!
New silencer accessory means kids won't disturb the neighbors!
Great for wood carving!
Fun fireworks for New Year's Eve!
Teach your kids to protect private property from trespassers!
Despite the fact that all of the above are time-tested traditional fun products for kids, the liberals are already whining about how militarized Christmas toys are encouraging violence. Well, I hear that argument every year, and quite frankly I'm tired of it. How many times do we conservatives have to say it: "Land mines don't kill people, only people kill people." Sheesh, when are these secular humanists going to read the second amendment?
But getting back to Christmas gifts: In addition to these traditional fun products for kids, we've got some great new innovative products for adults who need to keep the youngsters in line. I'm sure I don't have to tell all you parents just how trying it can be at times when the children act out. True, you can keep them in line most of the time with a good heavy dose of Prozac and Ritalin, but there are times when you need them conscious so that they can do their daily chores.
Although a good beating is a traditional and time-tested method of keeping the brats (not to mention the wife) in line, it needs to be weighed against the fact that you can accidentally cause injuries this way. Let's face it - you want your kids in good physical condition to wash dishes, mow the lawn and shovel snow - especially if you want to rent them out to earn some extra cash. With that in mind - and aided by a grant from the Department of Homeland Security - my company is proud to announce the newly developed the Timeout Suit™. Recently tested at Guantanamo Bay and Abu Gharib, we have found this to be a humane alternative to tasers and shock collars when you need to enforce discipline.
Timeout Suit™ - the cutesy face mask that will make your kids smile!
Not surprisingly, we've already sold a number of these to juvenile detention halls around the country. The device has gotten rave reviews!
By the way, I'm proud to say that the Timeout Suit™ was originally developed from suggestions tested by a team of prominent Republican lawmakers during a single weekend here in Cambodia when we held a family values conference at the newly opened Nudie Cutie Club in Phnom Penh.
Timeout Suit™ prototype was developed by
Republican family values experts
Focus-On-The-Family members assist young ladies to put on
Timeout Suit™ in back room
As usual, the liberals are whining about all this - they can't stand to see True Christian families getting into the spirit of gift-giving during Christmas, God's chosen holiday for maxing out credit cards. But then it's hardly surprising - if liberals had their way, they'd outlaw Christmas and force everyone to celebrate Kwanzaa, a homo-Muslim atheist pagan festival based on Al Gore's global warming hoax.
All the more reason to stock-up guns and ammo now, before Obama tries to seize them.
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