Governor Rick Perry, Persecuted Through Trolling

[Mary Etheldreda]

Oh friends, you know a man walks closely with when he is mercilessly persecuted by Satan's own: Liberal College Students.

Not satisfied with cheapening higher education by pandering to Indians ("casino," not "tech support"), Dartmouth College desires to lead the Ivy League straight into the depths of Hell by teaching the fine art of blaspheme. Basic blaspheme is apparently beneath these communist, know-it-all, vulgar college punks. They go for Advanced Blaspheme, and directly attack the man whose feet make all Texas a beautiful place, despite its dry, boring, scorpion-infested, geography.

Invited to answer genuine questions, Governor and one time Presidential hopeful, Rick Perry, was instead bombarded with Satan's Own Sodomized Agenda. Here are a few examples of the questions our poor, dear, True Christian™ hero had to face:

"I know you have been very strong on all foreign policy issues, including Somali pirates, but what is your stance on butt pirates?"

"Does your ideal anti-sodomy law prevent me from playing with my own poop shoot?"

"In your campaign you have received hard-money contributions of $102 million. Would you have anal sex for $102 million?"

"You have recently been involved in a corruption scandal. Would you like to have anal sex with me later?"

You can see the entire, diabolical plan typed out on Twitter:

Neo-Feminist Big Sodomy advocates "The New Civil Rights Movement," holds us the devil's child as some kind of hero, publishing his vile intentions as if they are some kind of Noble Cause:

“I don't think much of any politician. Rick Perry has been closing down abortion clinics in my home state and winning elections by playing off of the socially reactionary fears of the racist and sexually traditional poor and middle class, while soliciting mass donations from the rich and crafting economic policy in their favor,” Packer told Campus Reform. “He uses those donations to convince people to vote against their economic interest, broadcasting economic ideology more consistent with class status of his donors rather than his core constituent [sic]."

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Governor Rick Perry, Persecuted Through Trolling

Brother Rick has suffered so much he needs to be in all of our prayers. The sodomites are taking him to court and have ruined his political career.

Then, they get personal about his sex life with questions like these. I hope he refuses to answer a question like would he have butt sex for 100 million dollars. That is his private business.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Governor Rick Perry, Persecuted Through Trolling

Christians in my vicinity believe that Brother Governor Rick Perry is God's own candidate for the Presidency. Privately, and I reveal this in strictest confidence, he has already agreed to run. Part of his strategy is to spy out the strongholds of the enemy. That is what he was doing at Dartmouth College.


He was in the godless northern reaches of America to rescue more businesses and bring them to Texas, where they can prosper. He searches them out in California, too. Those trips he makes, especially his selfless forays into California, which is likely to break off and be swallowed by the Pacific Ocean without notice, are a testament to his love and concern for his fellow man. He will make a fine President and his election will probably delay the secession of Godly Texas for a few more years.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Governor Rick Perry, Persecuted Through Trolling

A missed opportunity. To Values Voters like me, nothing matters more than a candidate's stance on anal sex, and Perry's refusal to clarify his position leaves questions hanging. Would he have anal sex (presumably as the receiver) for $102 million? Many men would. Those who are spiritually strong enough to lead this country would not—so where does that leave Mr. Perry? For the last six years we have seen exactly what happens when a limp-wristed bottom flounces about the Oval Office: America is rightfully the laughing stock of the world. Go to a leather bar and you will see outwardly macho men whose anal lusts are insatiable, who view garden-variety rectal intercourse as mere foreplay to rimming, fisting, felching (don't google that!!!) and other gruesome, Satanic acts of perversion. While Rick Perry probably isn't one of those men, why not remove all doubt?

I understand he was nervous, and it can be embarrassing to talk about these things. But a true spiritual warrior does not shy away from denouncing evil. Honestly, I'm starting to wonder about Perry. Nothing serious, just a small voice whispering... what if?

By the way, there is NO science that says anal sex doesn't damage the butthole. It does. Every time.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Governor Rick Perry, Persecuted Through Trolling

I like Brother Perry, and he has all of the intellectual qualifications to stand with great Republican presidents such as Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush. But if he doesn't clarify, I'm going to support Rick Santorum. At least we know that Santorum will stick to his guns when it comes to anal sodomy.