ATTENTION SATANIC SOCIALISTS

[Mary Etheldreda]

Freehold, Iowa is the home of Patriotic, True Christian™ Families!

We work Hard, and pay the taxes insofar as they are fair and glorify Jesus.

We do NOT celebrate Satan's Birthday.

We do NOT give away free candy to entitled, freeloading, irresponsible CHILDREN.

NO HANDOUTS!

Welcome to AMERICA.

JESUSAVES

If you want candy, GET A JOB.

And FIND JESUS!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: ATTENTION SATANIC SOCIALISTS

Thank you Sister. It's time we take the kid gloves off with these people. If they want to toy around with dark Satanic forces then there's going to be real world consequences - ever heard of razor blades in apples? That's nothing compared to a Holy War and global nuclear Armageddon. So go ahead and make my day, atheists.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: ATTENTION SATANIC SOCIALISTS

Another important factor to be alert for this month is the promotion of inappropriate fabric at sewing and craftwork outlets, particularly online. Cotton prints in revolting patterns are everywhere, also fake satin and that fishnet stuff in excessively vivid shades also black incorporated in costume designs that get worse and worse every time I see them.

Demons: polyester red & purple with added bats.
Pumpkins: glorifying unclean spirits, candles included.
Satan: handkerchief-sized dirndls, crimson deely-bopper horns.
Witches: everywhere, shameless, fluoro layers under black rags.
Tents: containing crystal balls, tarot cards, gypsies, energy crystals.

. . A ZANY CRYSTAL

The last item is the most concerning, like a gateway drug. Maybe looks like a zany pendant or a ring and they'll say it has "good energy" or that it wards off nits really just about anything to sell you one.

The second phase is where it's "aligned" with your "planets" to invigorate your chakras. Maybe one morning after a good night's sleep you feel quite lively. “Oh,” you're encouraged to think. “The crystal is working! My chakras are vibrant today!!” Crystal workshops are available in those tents. Probably even free.

Phase Three. Yoga. Read astrology, buy tarot cards, meditate. Drink revolting mud-like tea made from special Andean bark (probably whatever fell off the nearest oak tree last week) and secret herbs. The French also do secret herbs in assorted liqueurs which can be quite nice in a trifle but they're not claiming to align your planets, even if you have too much you might start seeing one. It's not real, it's just an excess of herbs and generally you'd know that.

Four. Hell is both the source and the ultimate objective of all these schemes. Satan's birthday is celebrated by his socialistic, communistic, heathenistic minions and during October his sales pitch is out there strongly.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: ATTENTION SATANIC SOCIALISTS

I like your attitude, Sister Mary. If I may paraphrase, it's not enough to ignore Halloween or teach our children it is bad. No, we must scoff at it, make it known to all we think it is a dark and evil celebration brought on by darkness himself, Satan.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: ATTENTION SATANIC SOCIALISTS

It's tempting to open the door dressed as the devil or shout at the trick or treaters that they're going to Hell for this, but the wife has a stealthier approach. She hands out Chick tracts to the little heathens every year. Of course I'm on standby with the sawed-off in case those costumed freaks try to stab her or something. If even one pagan soul was saved, our efforts were worth it, praise Jesus! Truly a sick and demented un-holiday, almost as Satanic as secular Christmas.