Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

[Brother Enoch]

My boy is 4. He's old enough that he knows the evil that is Helloween. So when I pulled my Suburban into the yard earlier today and saw him urinating on the neighbors Jack-O-Lantern I was initially filled with pride. I went over to give him a fatherly hug and realized his tallywacker was actually inside the pumpkin's mouth! Inside this obviously male symbol of Satan's MOUTH!!! Is it because he's gay and wants his tallywacker in a male mouth or is it because he's gay and a devil-worshipper and wants his tallywacker in Satan's mouth?

I'm torn apart here, brothers and sisters, what do I do?

I mean, I did the obvious, switched him within an inch of his life. All the while he kept screaming that he just had it in there to put the candle out. Does that make any sense? The boy is learning from the father of lies.

Are there any True Christian boarding schools I can send this wretch to in Freehold? Money is no object. Not for something this important. Anything I can do at home before sending him away to ensure he doesn't damn his soul any further?

[HTannor]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

We should take into consideration the size of the pumpkin.

For example, most of the pumpkins being sold at my neighborhood supermarket are about a foot wide.

Placing a modest size candle into it's hollowed out core would mean the candle is about five and a half inches inside the pumpkin.

The length of your son's tallywacker should now be taken into consideration.

Check for hardened wax on the end of it.

If there is wax, then I think he's probably telling the truth. This is because he was willing to suffer a great deal of discomfort in order to put it out.

If there is no wax, that's very troubling and professional quidance is clearly indicated.

[PirateCranky]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

Yes, next time the pumpkin will be in his rectum and when you pull it out Satan is going to take you to hell.

[Shela Tansper]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

What i am having trouble working out is why the pumpkin was on display this early before halloween, if they are put out early around these parts they would be smashed to bits by our local cricket bat wielding anti- halloween vigilantes. They only appear on the actual night around here and then only at great risk to the owners.

[Lisa H]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

What i am having trouble working out is why the pumpkin was on display this early before halloween, if they are put out early around these parts they would be smashed to bits by our local cricket bat wielding anti- halloween vigilantes. They only appear on the actual night around here and then only at great risk to the owners.

Perhaps it was a Goth Witch who placed the lantern there to entice children.

[Bob4God]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

This kind of experimentation is not normal in little children. I suggest that you enroll your son in a homosexual rehabilitation ministry now, so that he can be fixed before the devil has a chance to ensnare him in the throes of queerdom.

[Ultros]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

No.

Your son is fine, as he is only 4 he has not matured enough to have any possible sexual orientation.

However, children tend to re-enact things they see... which is what might have happened here.


Also, there is the possibility he is telling the truth.


The chances are in your favor that he will grow to be Heterosexual.

[Ultros]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

Apologys.

I seem to have been misunderstood and I apologise.


Let me clarify, I do not promote child sex in any way and if it comes across as that I'm very sorry.

What i mean is, some children... if they see something or hear about something, they sometimes try to re-enact.

In the past this has lead to deaths with children preforming stunts seen on TV shows, among other things

It is possible that he heard about or saw something to do with fellatio and re-enacted it.

Apologys for any misunderstandings.

[Bob4God]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

Do you still stand by this statement:

No.

Your son is fine

Who but a homosexual or pedophile (what's the difference anyway?) would say that molesting squash is a "fine" activity for youngsters to engage in?

Indeed children are compelled to re-enact what they see on the television and video games, and that is EXACTLY how the homosexual agenda operates. Don't you get it?

[Ultros]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

you misunderstand.

when I said he was fine, I meant he wasn't homosexual.

Sorry for the confusion.

[Ultros]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

Who but a homosexual or pedophile (what's the difference anyway?)

I can answer this.

A Homosexual is a human who is attracted to other members of the same sex.
A Pedophile is a human who is attracted (usually sexually, but not always) to young children.

Some Pedophiles are gay and some Gays are pedophiles but the two are not one in the same.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

I can answer this.

A Homosexual is a human who is attracted to other members of the same sex.
A Pedophile is a human who is attracted (usually sexually, but not always) to young children.

Some Pedophiles are gay and some Gays are pedophiles but the two are not one in the same.

Wrong again, heathen.

A queer is a queer. They're an abomination according to God, and they're degenerates through and through. You average queer will try and commit sodomy withy anyone or anything it can catch. A queer loves nothing more than to recruit children by raping them. How else can they make more queers?

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

I can answer this.

A Homosexual is a human who is attracted to other members of the same sex.
A Pedophile is a human who is attracted (usually sexually, but not always) to young children.

Some Pedophiles are gay and some Gays are pedophiles but the two are not one in the same.

The demonic cult of the Vatican proves you wrong. All the baby-raping "priests" could have solicited their filthy queer sex in adult book stores or rest stops with fellow degenerate adults. But without exception, they chose innocent and helpless 8 year old boys to sodomize.

Stop apologizing for perversion

May God smite you.

[Almighty]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

Clearly your sinner of a Son is lusting after both Satan and other Homersexuals. He should be sacrificed unto God as repentance for his sins. Sacrificial alter, stoned to death by peers or crucifixion would be your best options in order to keep this sort of sin out of the family.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Advice needed - Is my son a Homer lusting for Satan?

Clearly your sinner of a Son is lusting after both Satan and other Homersexuals. He should be sacrificed unto God as repentance for his sins. Sacrificial alter, stoned to death by peers or crucifixion would be your best options in order to keep this sort of sin out of the family.

Our Pastor has asked you nicely to make an introduction here.

This is not a forum for one to flit about without introducing themselves.

Please comply