[WWJDnow]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

So we may never know who placed the Nip Chink into my trunk, though I do have my suspicions; The Stanley brothers!

I saw they were tossed out on their ears due to lewd and vivacious dancing just before nine last night, but I suspect that was not soon enough, and honestly don't know how those two managed to weasel an invitation to begin with.

David & Dennis Stanley have been jealous of me ever since I pitched a revival tent in Massachusetts some three years ago. Indeed, this duo of supposed Baptists have had run-ins with other LBC members in the past if memory serves. They will stop at nothing to soil the good name of a True Christian™.

Those Jesus haters were in Freehold, yet, despite all of the military grade ordnance lying loose, nobody had the brains to Red Wedding them? After all, hunting accidents do happen.

I have to give credit where credit is due, however. It isn't easy to smuggle a minority into Freehold, yet the Stanleys somehow managed it. My guess is that they tunnelled straight up from Hell.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I got 105 this year.

Send your congratulations in the form of Single Malt Scotch to my Pastoral Residence.

[Des]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I was hunting with a handicap this year, as I limited myself to Asiatic witches, and limited my hunting tools to net, bullwhip, and cutting tools.

The pickings were scarce. There just aren't that many Gook witches to be had. Despite these limitations, my official bag count is 2.



Though technically there were 2 more bags. The first was a young Hispanic Trick or Treater I mistook for an Asian witch. After 4 hours of interrogation I determined that even though she was dressed as a witch, she was indeed Catholic, so I released her in the woods.



Finally, there is a bit of controversy regarding the last 1, and I would like to say a bit about that.

As some of you already know, Freehold Security heard a noise in the trunk of my limo as I was about to leave last night. This is what was discovered in my trunk.


Now I didn't bag this Gook, and have no idea how she got there. It was regretful that I had misplaced the key to my Asian assistant's conversation deterrent device, else she could have quickly translated the gobbledygook into English and cleared the entire mess up right then and there.


So we may never know who placed the Nip Chink into my trunk, though I do have my suspicions; The Stanley brothers!

I saw they were tossed out on their ears due to lewd and vivacious dancing just before nine last night, but I suspect that was not soon enough, and honestly don't know how those two managed to weasel an invitation to begin with.

David & Dennis Stanley have been jealous of me ever since I pitched a revival tent in Massachusetts some three years ago. Indeed, this duo of supposed Baptists have had run-ins with other LBC members in the past if memory serves. They will stop at nothing to soil the good name of a True Christian™. I have little doubt they bound and gagged that witch, the only Asian witch in the county I failed to bag last night, then placed her in the trunk of my limo while my entire security team and chauffeur were away from the vehicles getting coffee. No doubt had they not been forcefully removed from the town earlier, they would have made a sudden embarrassing 'discovery' of the obvious plant, then made the same slanderous claims of human trafficking, kidnapping, and secret torture dungeons beneath my homes, just like they did in New Mexico year before last.

So thank you, Freehold Security. Thank you for your vigilance, discretion, and your trust that I would take the witch directly home and discretely put an end to any questions once and for all. I can assure you that she is now as silent as my assistant was last night. Glory!

[WWJDnow]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I'd like to remind everyone that, since Hispanics celebrate Halloween clear through November 2, there is still one more day in the unofficial Mexican witch season. However, if you bag a white witch now, you will have to deal with some pissed off Iowa game wardens.

I got two this year, but one of them turned out to be a trick-or-treater wearing a witch costume. The sad fact is that, to do the Lord's work, we have to accept a certain level of collateral damage. Still, it was great fun!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Congratulations congregation! Thank you for all of your hard work capturing witches, warlocks and a few emo's this year! We were however, a little disappointed by the turn out this year.

The winners this year are:

1. Pastor Ezekiel (he always wins)
2. Cranky
3. Ex-Viking
4. Jim Farmer
5. Elmer White

Congratulations again Brothers! I hope you all will give thought over the next year on new and creative ways of ridding our community of unwanted witches next year. We are thinking of creating another award category for creative ways of catching and torturing.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Women! I despair sometimes.
Brother Alvin participated and did his darndest.
Did you participate?

I apologize for speaking out of turn, Brother. And I take your point that Brother Alvin did the very best he could with the limited and outdated materiel at his disposal. When Matthew gets home I'll ask him to make sure that Brother Alvin is better equipped next year. That's what fellowship is all about.

No, I didn't take part myself. But I did equip my 3 eldest boys with camouflage gear, slingshots and a hunting knife. They had an absolutely fabulous evening! They brought home 6 cats' heads (along with sundry other unidentifiable objects ). The evil old baggage who owned the cats died of heart failure on the spot - does this count, even though it wasn't officially attributed to them by the authorities, thanks to the intervention of Pastor Steve? If so, Luke, James and John Lytton-Vasey should score 1. They would be so thrilled to see their names on the scoreboard!

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Women! I despair sometimes.
Brother Alvin participated and did his darndest.
Did you participate?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Zombywhatever, how about a proper introduction in the Introduction Forum, so we know who we're talking to? Please read the instructions there.

I think we need to keep a tally. So far (in order of bag count):

1. Pastor Ezekiel - ??
2. Cranky - 9
3. Ex-Viking - 4
4. Jim Farmer - 2
5. Elmer White - 1
6. Alvin Moss - 0

Please keep those results coming. I'll update this tally board regularly. If I've missed someone, please let me know and I'll fix it.

Brother Jim, is there any point in listing people with a zero tally? I mean, on that basis you might as well add me to the list - even if it were appropriate for me to take part, my husband's away and I don't have the key to the gun store.

Brother Cranky's tally of 9 was dated over a week ago! I bet it's a whole lot higher by now. But I think we all know who's going to win, don't we? Congratulations, Pastor Zeke.

[ZombycZar]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Just...wow... you guys are having a laugh right?

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I think we need to keep a tally. So far (in order of bag count):

1. Pastor Ezekiel - ??
2. Cranky - 9
3. Ex-Viking - 4
4. Jim Farmer - 2
5. Elmer White - 1
6. Alvin Moss - 0

Please keep those results coming. I'll update this tally board regularly. If I've missed someone, please let me know and I'll fix it.

[Bjorn Jensen]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Anyone has any recipes? Can they be cooked like other wild game?

I bagged 4 of them, all with my compound bow

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I hope all the hunters enjoyed the pastries I prepared as treats upon completion of this year's hunt. Sister Daisy and I were just exhausted after serving all of you. I don't think anything was left untouched, which just filled us with joy.

Daisy, did you ever find your engagement ring? Oh, that's right - you don't have one yet. #dropthatjoker

Lovingly,
NRL

[Alvin Moss]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I am afraid that after several weeks of scouting and several days of preparation, my party and myself were unable to bag a single witch, owing to our, in retrospect, unfortunate choice to employ a Vietnam war era claymore mine, which did not go off, at least not at the appropriate time.

We had located a full coven of thirteen witches and had a perfect shot, as it were. Sadly, the mine did not explode. There was some commotion and all the witches escaped. About an hour later, while some of the men were looking for witch sign nearby, it did finally explode, narrowly missing an electrician.

Next year, we hope to do better.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Congratulations, Brother Jim. The abomination in the picture, I must ask, what body part is it actually? Part of a wing? Labia? (sorry, Ladies, for the vulgarism)

Proverbs 15:9
The way of the wicked is an abomination unto the LORD: but he loveth him that followeth after righteousness.

Good for you! I must double my own efforts! And good for your mate, Mr. Murray. It is good to have close manly friends and he seems to be an athletic young youth in his prime! Is he saved?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

I think it was one of the ears. These witches were the ugliest creatures I've ever seen, with long pointy ears covered with hairs - more like pigs ears, actually.
I'm working on Murray - he's coming on nicely. A good learner. We spend many nights together into the wee hours poring over God's word. (He's spending a few months with me while my useless wife spends time with her parents until the girl child learns not to scream and vomit and poop uncontrollably)

[Elmer G. White]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Congratulations, Brother Jim. The abomination in the picture, I must ask, what body part is it actually? Part of a wing? Labia? (sorry, Ladies, for the vulgarism)

Proverbs 15:9
The way of the wicked is an abomination unto the LORD: but he loveth him that followeth after righteousness.

Good for you! I must double my own efforts! And good for your mate, Mr. Murray. It is good to have close manly friends and he seems to be an athletic young youth in his prime! Is he saved?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer