[Faith_Machine]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Ah, you mean how Stand Your Ground laws generally override any sort of federal thing about homicide?

Glad to know this is all on the up-and-up!

[Alvin Moss]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Are weapons of mass destruction allowed?

I believe I could win this contest if I could use the Sarin shells I have for the howitzer.

[AntiChristian666]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

This is utterly disgusting. What kind of inhuman sick bastard would make up something like this!?!? Killing humans and animals because you think there witches!? Christians disgust me!!

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

This is utterly disgusting. What kind of inhuman sick bastard would make up something like this!?!? Killing humans and animals because you think there witches!? Christians disgust me!!

Leave.

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[WWJDnow]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

For the warlocks, do we need to bring in the full genitalia, or can we just take their foreskins as proof, the way King David did?

I hope the organizers will show Pastor Zeke a little more respect this year. He's a True Christian™ , so he would never bear false witness or break any other of God's commandments. Besides, as a Landover Baptisc Church pastor, he is one of Jesus' anointed representatives on Earth. And when has any of them ever lied?

As nice as the prizes are, all you need to do to win is bag a single witch. The prize for that is knowing that you have made the greatest country on Earth that much safer for our families. By the way, please try to save several alive for interrogation. Waterboarding witches is an excellent way to keep track of Satan's plans. Not all of the Devil's work is as obvious as gay marriage, equal "rights" for women, radiometric "dating" of rocks, and welfare payments to unwed mothers.

[Mister Jones]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Gee, I do hope that you are right, because otherwise you would be lying about her, and God does not approve of that (Proverbs 19:5).

What interests me most, however, is the "ex-" part - is she a fornicator (Matthew 5:32)? If so, I really feel for you - you cannot marry another woman until your ex-wife dies (Luke 16:18).

She was. Why so sorry?

God Bless

[Basilissa]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

She was. Why so sorry?

God Bless

The mystery deepens! First, you spoke of her in present tense, now in the past... So, is she alive or not?

Please forgive me for all my questions, but there are several young True Christian(tm) ladies ready to be married (some are quite desperate, too), and I'm sure they all would like to know whether you are an available widower or an unavailable divorced man.

[Titus Templeton]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Last year was a bit unlucky because always someone was a few steps faster then me. It's all about beeing at the right place at the right time and have the right instinct.
Like Cranky Old Man seems to smell witches from miles away. Quite impressing.

job 12:12

12 With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Last year was a bit unlucky because always someone was a few steps faster then me. It's all about beeing at the right place at the right time and have the right instinct.
Like Cranky Old Man seems to smell witches from miles away. Quite impressing.

job 12:12

12 With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding.

It is just like any other hunting. You must familiarize yourself with the habits of the witches in your area and know their haunts. Often, they can be lured to a certain area, in much the same way a deer are lured to a feeder.

They favor oak groves for their meetings, so if you cut down as many of the oak trees in your area as possible, leaving only those you have staked out, they are likely to present themselves for justice. Also, they are attracted to the sounds of large fierce animals and rock and roll music. The successful hunter will provide himself with ear plugs for use as they are required. They have been known to respond to billboards in plain English, advertising flowing black dresses in extra large sizes, though it is difficult to round up an entire coven using that method.

Those are just a few of my suggestions and procedures and that is my advice.

God Bless!

[Mister Jones]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I can neither confirm nor deny, Basilissa. I can say I am available (and it is Biblical), but I am currently in the process of finding another witch wife. However, in protest of this reign of gynaecocracy, I am considering following the path of Solomon, for the ladies here who are not yet wedded to a patriarch. 1 Kings 11:3

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Like Cranky Old Man seems to smell witches from miles away.

It's not that hard, they smell horrible. Whoever invented incense should be raped in his behind with Satan's tallywacker, while being forced to listen to Jimmy Carter speeches, for all eternity.

[John Creeser]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!!!

Bow? Check
Machete? Check
Camo gear? Check
Waterproof KJV? Check
Gortex tote bag (for heads)? Check

Am I missing anything.....should probably pack a couple sandwiches.

Hey, do we have to bring back the entire head this year? I'm getting old and they get heavy. How about just a scalp, nose and ears?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Boys, I'm going to take top prize again this year. I've got a whole flock of them!

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I took Murray (my best mate) with me in search of the witch's coven I had investigated. His job was to keep watch and collect body parts as they fell to the ground. We arrived half an hour before the coven was to meet. Things started well. The first witch arrived and with the aid of my trusty sword, I sliced right through her hand and half way through her torso with the first hack. Murray scurried around on the ground and bagged the five fingers. Meanwhile, rather than finishing to slice her body in half, I was distracted by another couple of witches who must have seen what was going on. As they scurried away I brought my sword down on one of them from above, slicing off an ear then through the left shoulder down to the right hip.
The second witch got away. I cursed Murray for not noticing these intruder witches, but like the good mate he is he picked up the severed ear. Then through the dark of the night we saw the flashing lights of the constabulary, obviously alerted by the escapee witch. I cursed Murray again, but by then he was off and running. I decided that my mate was more important to me than a few stinky witches, so I went in pursuit of Murray.

So only 2 witches killed. The spoils:


and

[Elmer G. White]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Congratulations, Brother Jim. The abomination in the picture, I must ask, what body part is it actually? Part of a wing? Labia? (sorry, Ladies, for the vulgarism)

Proverbs 15:9
The way of the wicked is an abomination unto the LORD: but he loveth him that followeth after righteousness.

Good for you! I must double my own efforts! And good for your mate, Mr. Murray. It is good to have close manly friends and he seems to be an athletic young youth in his prime! Is he saved?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer