Question: Where did you get your colored help?

[FranklinAndPearl]

Hi all!

I had a question for those of you who have colored help for your house. How did you go about acquiring them? An agency? Or a referral? Franklin and I are currently having trouble finding a good Negress who will not backtalk or steal.

Our last one (We couldn't pronounce her name, so Franklin and I both referred to her as Earl) just ran away after we caught her stealing my after-dinner wig. Franklin went to get his throwing rocks, but she was gone before he could return. Just like a gorilla running through the dark of night. This is the third one we have lost in 5 months.

THank you all for your help!

Walking with Christ,


Pearl

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

I always get mine at the annual Freehold Nigro Auction. But there can never be a guarantee as to their honesty, or lack thereof. Sometimes the more stupid they are, the better they are, as they'll just steal stuff from your trash can, or steal what the cat brought home, rather than stealing anything valuable.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

You have a difficult task. My only advice is to try to stick to country Negroes. They often have some small amount of respectful attitude toward their betters. City Negroes will find a lawyer and sue you if they are chastised over missing articles.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

Hello Pearl - how lovely to see you again! I'd wondered where you were, but I guess your problems with getting help have kept you busy.

I can't really advise you on getting colored help, because I live in an area which is about 99% non-colored. But this means that my dear husband Matthew has had to think "outside the box" (as the "cool kids" say ) and as a result much of our help is from the Polak regions.

Maybe you could consider these people? They are very grateful for the work, especially the ones who arrived in Britain illegally before their countries joined the Godless European Union. Agnieszka (I have no idea how to pronounce it - we call her Aggie) arrived here in about 2002, before it was legal, and her passport expired some time ago. She's a good worker, as long as you don't expect her to cook.

I'm sure there must be even more Polaks, Slovaks, Bulgars and the like in the USA? Compared with the colored folk, we find them quite clean.

I wish you and Franklin all the best,
YiC
Joanna

[James Hutchins]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

Like most responsible Plantation owners, I breed my own. Usually, I have some of the young Hutchins kids watch over the process and try and get a 4H ribbon. I have to admit, I do get a little help from God and Monsanto.


This one here is one of the better ones. This boy can hoe and spit watermelon seeds like no ones business!

[Des]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

I'm a bit of a renegade, I suppose. I've used Chinks instead of Yard Apes for most of my adult life. My daddy kept Beaners, packing them like sardines into single-wide tornado magnets on his ranch in Texas. But for some reason, I found the Gooks more docile, especially the female ones.

Sure, they are small. You have to harness six of them to a plow in order to get the work out of them that you would just a pair of big Bucks, but they are a lot easier to feed. Rice is cheap as dirt, and they seem to thrive on it.

They are fairly easy to get, as well. They'll come pouring out of massage parlors at closing time, and you can lure stragglers over by waving money or a designer handbag at them. If you happen to travel, you can pick them up for a few bucks in several of the Chinese states. I've bought them from the states of Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, and Thailand myself, though shipping them home can be problematic if you don't own a yacht.

If you are looking for really healthy ones, contact the Chinese state of Japan and have them ship them to you by way of the 'Student Exchange Program'. The process is a little complicated, and you need to create a believable fake address that can't be traced back to you, but the reward is well worth the effort. You won't find a healthier Gook than you can pick up though the Exchange.

And the best part about the Exchange is that you get to trade your used and worn out merchandise back to them at equal value! Those Nips are really dumb that way.

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

Hi all,

You are all wonderful, and have given excellent advice! Franklin and I will be sure to sit down (and pray we can get back up! LOL ) to look over our options.

We are pretty sure that we would like to continue with our tradition of the help being a Negress, but I suppose we could experiment with other ethnicity.

I do really enjoy the suggestion to raise our own coloreds. Franklin and I reared emus about 15 years ago, and still have some of the larger cages out back. That would be perfect.

Thank you all again! GOD bless!

Walking with Christ,

Parl

[James Hutchins]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

Pearl, raising the darkies not much more work than raising chickens, they even live in the same type of building. From 1,000 feet away, they even sound like chickens, what with the ebonics and all.
My wife, Mrs. Hutchins sometimes brings some of the young male ones in the house (after a through delousing and wash that she does, bless her heart) and puts them in our bed an hour before I retire. She watches them as they heat up the sheets so there is no chill when I get in. They they do drool a bit and it is not uncommon for me to find a pool of it in the bad, requiring my wife to put on fresh sheets.

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

Oh, my! Thank you for the information, Mr. Hutchins! I had no idea coloreds had so many uses. The bed warmer idea is great, LOL. I wish there was some sort of book that listed ideas. Something like "101 Uses for Your Colored Help". But your tips really got this old brain thinking! LOL.

I do have a question though. Do they ever breed on their own, or do they usually know to wait til we tell them to reproduce? I do not know exactly what slithers out of their wombs and do not want to be surprised.

THank you again!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

Coloreds can do most anything. You just have to be patient, have your whip and repeat the same commands, over and over. I've found holding a KJV Bible in one hand and prefacing everything with a "...and God Almighty Commands YOU!!!' to work wonders.

Good question about how they breed.
The nigresses will breed with just about anything. They tip over and welcome near any passing creature so it is important to keep them separated (the males from the females). I've found they 'make eyes' at a favorite buck and it is important to break them of this. Tying the buck to a stake and beating until unconscious works wonders. I've also found it toughens the bucks skin so when running through brambles, there is less skin left on them. Skin on brambles is hard on a hunting dog, it confuses them.

When I have a nigrees and a buck I want to breed, I put them in a room and I'll monitor them. I sit on a wing back chain in a corner with a snifter of brandy and 'let them go at it like savages'. Occasionally I'll have to use a cattle prod to get the beasts separated when I am done.

A lot of the male ones will 'go on the down low' though I do not find this to be a problem as it tends to keep them regular. It is not like any of them are going to go to Heaven. Sometimes, I have to use the prod on them when I am done too.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

Brother Hutchins, do you have a problem with inbreeding amongst your stock? I am not a professional breeder by any means, but I tried my hand at negroe husbandry briefly several years back. Obviously, I was breeding for large penises strong backs and small brains, but I had real trouble keeping members of the same family group from foiling my efforts by vexatiously fornicating with, and impregnating, one and other...with abominable results.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

One advice is getting help from the unsaved black section of your church. In mine, we have a special section for those negros who are still unsaved but trying to reach for heaven. Getting them to work for you is a piece of cake, after all I'm the wife of the senior pastor!

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

The nigresses are permanently on heat.They tend to use pregnancy as an excuse not to work hard, so keep them away from all males (including the young ones) except when you want to breed them. I've found that when you've finished your breeding program with one of them, that it's best to get her spayed.Then if she finds her way to rendezvous with a male, she'll have no excuse not to work double shifts.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

One option that hasn't been mentioned would be to use Mexicans. They are, sadly, plentiful in most areas these days. Mexicans will generally work for about ten dollars a day and do three times as much work as a Negroe. If you feed them beans, rice and possibly a little chicken skin, they will stay just about forever, precluding the need to find new ones. They hardly ever wear out, but it is best to keep them away from the alcohol, as they become surly when in their cups.

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Question: Where did you get your colored help?

Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson, that is a wonderful idea!! Thank you!!

And Brother Alvin, your idea is wonderful as well! I generally do not cook for the help, because I have noticed that the Negroes are very loud eaters, and even though I always make my help eat in our coat closet if they cannot go 10 hours without food, we often can still hear their chewing. If the Hispanspics are quiet eaters, I would consider giving them rice and beans.

My, what an exciting 'thread'!!! I had no idea I would be receiving so many helpful replies! Franklin and I were at such a loss. Thankfully, the LORD told me to write this post for help. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!9!!!

Walking with Christ,

Pearl