Help. One of my kids is overweight.

[DolliMoans]

Oh sweet Jesus help me. I can't turn a blind eye no longer, but it's clear to me that Scooter is putting on the pounds. Here's his Skype image while at Bible camp.




I explained to him, he's a fat unlovable blob now, and Jesus could never love something like that. He's been hitting too many times at the tuck shop, hoarding booze at that nasty, ersatz camp.


(Prov. 23:20–21 - Be not among winebibbers;Among riotous eaters of flesh:
21 For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty:
And drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.)

Help me Jesus, he's just a boy, without the guiding hand of manly nudging since Mr. Moans passed. I don't know what the *piffle* (sic) they're stuffing him, but I'd say, the head drill instructor should let him stave, and hold Scooters head face deep in the muck, with a steel-toed boot so he can eat the mud. (Nahum 3:6)


and come home a slender man (Not that Slenderman goth creep), and be fit for the Moans dinner table and God's banquet in heaven. (1 Peter 3:21)

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

Fat people literally hate God.

Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, your reasonable service.

Jesus has given you a body to raise Him up. To turn oneself into a fat bastard (sorry I feel that I feel very strongly about this) is like unleashing a white hot streak of full strength urine into the crying face of the tiny Baby Jesus as He sleeps.

Stop being fat, praise Him and be Christian. How hard is that?

YIC

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

He needs to turn that frown upside down!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

I explained to him, he's a fat unlovable blob now ...

He certainly is repulsive and telling him this is a good start. You might add how embarrassing it is for you to have such a lardy abomination in the family. But in the end, parental discipline is needed here. I assume you have already tried regular beatings? (Proverbs 13:24)

... and be fit for the Moans dinner table and God's banquet in heaven. (1 Peter 3:21)

I can't help thinking you are just making matters worse by letting him anywhere near your dinner table. Do you have a lockable basement? He looks as though several months on the KJV + tap-water diet might sort him out.

[Dana723]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

What a horrible looking child! It looks like he also runs a terrible blog as well. He appears to be against Trump. He should be punished and punished severely!

[Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

Where is his self-control, his self-discipline?

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Galatians 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

First Corinthians 9:27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

[Isabella White]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

Dear Sister Dolli, I am so sorry to hear of your son's predicament. I can only imagine the worry that this puts you through. Throughout my many years, I've seen many mothers go through the same worries. There is only one solution, my Dear, and that is for your boy to REPENT of his gluttonous waywardness, and to follow Jesus faithfully. Failure to do so is unholy rebellion, and the good Lord is very strict about penalties for people who refuse to obey Him! Proverbs 23:2 "And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite." May God richly bless and comfort you, Sister, in this time of dire distress. Sincerely, Isabella W.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

the good Lord is very strict about penalties for people who refuse to obey Him! Proverbs 23:2 "And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite." May God richly bless and comfort you, Sister, in this time of dire distress. Sincerely, Isabella W.

Proverbs is such a great book but I am not sanguine where skewerings of the carotid are universally applied.

So many heathens go off

(I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say next)

Proverbs 23:1-3a When thou sittest to eat with a ruler, consider diligently what is before thee and put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite. Be not desirous of his dainties:

for they are deceitful meat. Labour not to be rich:

Cease from thine own wisdom. Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not?

[DolliMoans]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

What a horrible looking child! It looks like he also runs a terrible blog as well. He appears to be against Trump. He should be punished and punished severely!

He admits to being skinny once - and he's only 14. Where did I go so wrong with him?

[DolliMoans]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

He needs to turn that frown upside down!

Jesus Sister Mitz -- is that Elton John?

[DolliMoans]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

Where is his self-control, his self-discipline?

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Galatians 5:23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

First Corinthians 9:27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

Hello Alan, do you have a regiment up your sleeve, he could adhere to? Scooter badly needs a role model in this matter.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

Jesus Sister Mitz -- is that Elton John?

I am not Jesus. It's a glimpse for you of a future where that frown is upside-down.

Meaning upside-down smiles are the opposite of frowns. Prayer effects the transition.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

I am not Jesus. It's a glimpse for you of a future where that frown is upside-down.

Meaning upside-down smiles are the opposite of frowns. Prayer effects the transition.

It could be worst Sister. He could end up like Shelly Duvall.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

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I noticed what I assume is a television watermark in your reply so looked that up. He seems to very involved with demonic activity even trying to get one clearly possessed victim into "therapy."

Luke 9:1 Then he [Jesus] called his twelve disciples together, and gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases.

The Bible explains why it is that Christians have authority over devils. Headshrinkers, neuropsychiatrists, witchdoctors, psychoanalysts, neurolinguistic programmers, hypnotists and the like do not. If Jesus had given anyone else power over devils, The Bible would tell us. Advocating for secular so-called remedies is effective in only one way: to entrench demons in the lives they've hijacked.

Satan is the only beneficiary. Only Christ can turn that frown upside down. Hallelujah!

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Help. One of my kids is overweight.

Sister Moans

Remember that God looks at the inside of us and therefore no matter how hideous our outer shell becomes we are beautiful in His Eyes.

It would take a great deal to fix darling Scooter. Are you prepared to make this effort? If so you must force him to repent of his gluttony and immediately rush him to a safe place where his disgusting appearance will not cause others to be inconvenienced. A place where his diet is restricted and prayer is commonplace.

Despite his pleas you must not allow him to cheat or be tempted to slip him the occasional Twinkie. Are you strong enough for that?