True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

[Elmer G. White]

Bibliomancy is the highly technical word for the practice of opening books and random places and searching for answers by reading the first passage one looks at. At its worst, it is divination and thus strictly forbidden by Jesus!

Deuteronomy 18:10
There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch,

This means that any wanton use of the Bible to predict the future by mortal men is an abomination. But what if we let God aka Jesus do the talking? By the modern methodology of the Interwebs we can avoid any confounding factors by the inquisitive man and let God do all the answering. If we were to use a material book of paper, papyrus or vellum, our subconscious cravings might affect the outcome. This can be avoided by turning to the Interwebs and their resources. There are several Random Bible Verse Sites to choose from and I chose the Truly Random Bible Verse Generator as it seems to refer to True™ Christians™. What I did is as follows:

1. I thought about a question burning in my mind.
2. I refreshed the page to see the verse God chose to me.
3. I read the verse without interpretation.

This only works for True Christians™ as God does not bother to answer the questions of the common sinner/sodomite (John 9:31). Praise Him! Here are some of my questions and God's Answers. Glory!

1. Will I catch the sodomite AIDS today?
Proverbs 4:17
For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence.

• How fitting! This means that the method works! I am in danger so I'm staying home and shall proselytize by Zoom.

2. Will the sodomite swarm gain in strength before Jesus returns?
John 1:37
And the two disciples heard him speak, and they followed Jesus.

• It seems that very few followers will be left and most of the world will turn into gay homosexual sodomy.

3. Will President Trump return in Glory?
Deuteronomy 17:20
That his heart be not lifted up above his brethren, and that he turn not aside from the commandment, to the right hand, or to the left: to the end that he may prolong his days in his kingdom, he, and his children, in the midst of Israel.

• Glory to Jesus. He WILL!

4. Are all vegetarians evil?
Deuteronomy 9:20
And the LORD was very angry with Aaron to have destroyed him: and I prayed for Aaron also the same time.

• Yes they are, and we should pray that they repent.

5. Is Mother Teresa in Hell and being penetrated by Demons with barbed wire on their tallywhackers?
Esther 5:10
Nevertheless Haman refrained himself: and when he came home, he sent and called for his friends, and Zeresh his wife.

• God works in mysterious ways.

6. Is the KJV Bible the True™ Word® of God©?
Psalms 91:10
There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

• Well, I knew it all along!

To conclude, this is a very useful tool when used properly. Do not do divination! Just ask the questions and let God choose the answer. This is also a highly complex and sophisticated method to consult God to supplement conventional prayers and I shall be happy to provide assistance to any Brethren or the more enlightened sisters lest they hesitate to ask for the answers themselves!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

Now that post-post-modernism is raging, there's a trend away from Foucault but towards (if that's the right word) Nostradamus. How likely is it that as a Jewish Roman Catholic he would have access to reliable Scripture?

Secondly, since he did not use random text generators (although from what I heard of his stuff, who knows?) would it be acceptable for a Christian to acknowledge him as a seer or prophet?

Thank you.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

I have absolutely no idea about the issues Sister Mitza raised. So_let's_ask_GOD!

Now that post-post-modernism is raging, there's a trend away from Foucault but towards (if that's the right word) Nostradamus. How likely is it that as a Jewish Roman Catholic he would have access to reliable Scripture?

Leviticus 25:37
Thou shalt not give him thy money upon usury, nor lend him thy victuals for increase.

• He didn't!

Secondly, since he did not use random text generators (although from what I heard of his stuff, who knows?) would it be acceptable for a Christian to acknowledge him as a seer or prophet?

Matthew 19:11
But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

• No, he could not receive Christ.

God really does know all this!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

Thanks for confirming what I suspected. There were many Jewish people who did receive Christ, The New Testament explains, yet I strongly doubt any of them became Roman Catholics. It's a no-brainer, really: Christianity rejects idols utterly as does Judaism. Catholicism embraces them enthusiastically, as many as they can get.

It would be an interesting comparison. Catholic versus Hindu: who has the most idols?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

It would be an interesting comparison. Catholic versus Hindu: who has the most idols?

And who would win in a fight? Catholics are, on the whole, heavier and more ungainly, which presumably makes them slower. However, they (particularly the Irish variety) are generally more enthusiastic about physical violence than the Hindoo. A contest might be entertaining, perhaps for Church fundraising purposes?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

And who would win in a fight? Catholics are, on the whole, heavier and more ungainly, which presumably makes them slower. However, they (particularly the Irish variety) are generally more enthusiastic about physical violence than the Hindoo. A contest might be entertaining, perhaps for Church fundraising purposes?

Something like a an Indian, a Nepali and a Balinese vs an Irishman, a Pole and a Mexican in a tag team?

[WWJDnow]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

I was skeptical of Brother Elmer's suggested method, so I used it to ask God whether I should continue to use it. Here's the random verse that God visited upon me:

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

GLORY!!!

[Elmer G. White]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

And who would win in a fight? Catholics are, on the whole, heavier and more ungainly, which presumably makes them slower. However, they (particularly the Irish variety) are generally more enthusiastic about physical violence than the Hindoo. A contest might be entertaining, perhaps for Church fundraising purposes?

Sister, I really don't know who would win, but I'd guess the Catlick sturdy Priest who consumes lard, wine, maccheroni, baguettes in their bread form for sustenance and similarly shaped male copulatory organs and altar boys for entertainment would reign supreme over a Hindoo Guru who eats rusty nails and bathes in sewers.



But do not take my word for it: Let us ask GOD!

Luke 17:30
Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed.

• Apparently the Catlick would win the physical fight but both would still lose their sorry excuses for souls!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Elmer G. White]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

Something like a an Indian, a Nepali and a Balinese vs an Irishman, a Pole and a Mexican in a tag team?

Here we have an example of a question that is very confusing to us mortals in expectation of Life Eternal. I do know that Messican women are avid pole dancers, an activity strictly fornicatory in manner, but I am certain that if I submit this timely question to God, He'll give us a clear reply. Let us see:

Mark 8:21
And he said unto them, How is it that ye do not understand?

• OK. It must be frustrating to be God and be constantly exposed to our retard nature. I rest my case.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

Question: Will Gates and Fauci be tried by a military tribunal for crimes against humanity?

Answer: 1 Chronicles 3:24 - "And the sons of Elioenai were, Hodaiah, and Eliashib, and Pelaiah, and Akkub, and Johanan, and Dalaiah, and Anani, seven."

I'm... not sure I understand. Further prayer is required.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

Question: Will Gates and Fauci be tried by a military tribunal for crimes against humanity?

Answer: 1 Chronicles 3:24 - "And the sons of Elioenai were, Hodaiah, and Eliashib, and Pelaiah, and Akkub, and Johanan, and Dalaiah, and Anani, seven."

I'm... not sure I understand. Further prayer is required.

God indeed sometimes works in mysterious ways. In these cases, it is best to ask Him to clarify His message by another True Christian™ nonrandom (random to false Christians and unbelieving scum) Bible verse, as follows:

Jeremiah 33:3
Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

You just need to ask again until the answer is satisfying and in concert with your Prayers.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Roland]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

Maybe I am lost, I feel like I am going in circles here. It seems to have all started here:ἀπαιτέω, apaiteō I have no idea what that means as I don´t speak Greek. I only eat their food.


Then Elmer comes along and says: ¨You just need to ask again¨. This gets way to complicated. Please let me get some δεῖπνον deīpnon.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: True Christian™ Bibliomancy - God's Guide to Everyday Conundrums!

Maybe I am lost, I feel like I am going in circles here. It seems to have all started here:ἀπαιτέω, apaiteō I have no idea what that means as I don´t speak Greek. I only eat their food.

Then Elmer comes along and says: ¨You just need to ask again¨. This gets way to complicated. Please let me get some δεῖπνον deīpnon.

Mr. Roland, it is absolutely not necessary to use Bibliomancy to clarify these issues to you. Bibliomancy is a useless tool unless you've accepted Jesus in you heart - and for this it is required that you remove the noodly demon from your bosom. In addition, it is absolutely useless to give you food, as it is not enough to nourish you.

Matthew 4:4
But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

Food in not pivotal, Jesus is. Once in Heaven (if and only if you get there which seems unlikely), He'll keep you in satiety.

Revelation 7:17
For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer
AND that's Mr. White to you unbelivers!