Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

[Dennis Lukes]

Brothers and womenfolk, I'm having a bit of an issue here. Last evening an old beater car broke down on the side of the road not far from my motor inn, the Blood of Christ Motel. There were three people in the car: a young Mexican man, a pregnant Mexican teenage girl, and the Mexican baby in her womb. They came into my lobby and the beaner boy asked if there was an auto shop in the next town. I said no. Then he asked if they could stay for the night. I asked him for his credit card. No credit card. He held out $20 in cash. Chuckling, I informed him that that was $60 short for one night. He said it was all he had. I told him to get lost. He said, por favor, my wife is nine months pregnant, she is about to give birth, have mercy. I told him that if she gives birth in my lobby that he can expect a bill for the carpet cleaning. I rebuffed his repeated entreaties to be allowed to spend the night in exchange for sending me the money later, or to work it off. I'm running a business here, not a flophouse.


So, anyway, they slept in their broken down car across the street. It's about 90 degrees outside right now, so I was sitting on the front porch with an electric fan running and a cool glass of iced tea to thumb through the Gospels when all of a sudden I was disturbed by loud screaming noises coming from the car. Apparently the Mexican girl is laying anchor right there, her husband's freaking out, she's shrieking, the whole thing is very irritating.


Now, normally I'd call ICE, but this is Joe Biden's America so I can only assume that now the agents would arrest me instead and send me to a cancellation camp. Also, the spics are on county property across the street so I can't shoot at them for trespassing. Any advice on how to get rid of them? They're spoiling my weekend. I need peace and quiet to read the Holy Bible. All help is appreciated.


In Christ,
Dennis

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

Now, normally I'd call ICE, but this is Joe Biden's America so I can only assume that now the agents would arrest me instead and send me to a cancellation camp. Also, the spics are on county property across the street so I can't shoot at them for trespassing. Any advice on how to get rid of them? They're spoiling my weekend. I need peace and quiet to read the Holy Bible. All help is appreciated.

I am sorry for your troubles, Brother. Can you just move around to the other side of your property, to an air-conditioned room, and shut the windows? I dare say they will be gone before morning, one way or another.

[Isabella White]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

Oh, I am so terribly sorry to read of your troubles, dear Brother Lukes. Are you alright, Dear? I am sure that you will be sleeping with your lights on tonight; goodness, gracious. Whatever you do, do not let those people out of your sight. Goodness only knows what they might get up to! They are not to be trusted, as you know so well. Even the spoke of sickening savagery from such unscrupulous persons!

Luke 10:30 "And answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead."

Now, if I were you, Dear, I would call the police -- immediately. Don't delay, whatever you do. And, put a call over to Mary Lago in Florida. Our President Trump will want to be informed of such things -- it will strengthen his case for why the rest of the border wall must be built. Why, if only he had not been interrupted from the work he was doing on that wall; you would not be in this most unpleasant situation!

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

UPDATE

I decided to ignore Sister Joanna's well-meaning but overly passive and feminine advice and went instead with Sister Isabella's suggestion to call the police. My buddy the sheriff was kind enough to brainstorm something they could be charged with, and lo and behold they're now in custody in the county lockup for vagrancy and disturbing the peace. I read 1 Peter 2:11 to them as they were cuffed and stuffed. Jose and Maria Cristos, Mexican nationals, are soon to be dumped into the red tape bureaucratic quagmire that is ICE and the DHS. Praise Jesus! MAGA! And I didn't catch the baby's name, but apparently it was a boy.


Thank you for the assistance in doing the Christian thing.

[Dana723]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

UPDATE

I decided to ignore Sister Joanna's well-meaning but overly passive and feminine advice and went instead with Sister Isabella's suggestion to call the police. My buddy the sheriff was kind enough to brainstorm something they could be charged with, and lo and behold they're now in custody in the county lockup for vagrancy and disturbing the peace. I read 1 Peter 2:11 to them as they were cuffed and stuffed. Jose and Maria Cristos, Mexican nationals, are soon to be dumped into the red tape bureaucratic quagmire that is ICE and the DHS. Praise Jesus! MAGA! And I didn't catch the baby's name, but apparently it was a boy.


Thank you for the assistance in doing the Christian thing.

They probably named it Jesus (pronounced funny like Hay-seus). Mexicans can be so blasphemous, naming their kids after our Lord.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

They're most likely catholics. That means idols, praying to idols, worshipping idols, venerating and adoring popes. How has God responded to idolatry?

Zechariah 11:17 Woe to the idol shepherd that leaveth the flock! the sword shall be upon his arm, and upon his right eye: his arm shall be clean dried up, and his right eye shall be utterly darkened.

San Malverde

‘‘tacky is not the word ’’

I have no idea which idols in particular Mexicans would bow to, mutter in the presence of, adore, venerate, worship, admire and look to for deliverance. There's plenty to choose from but let's go with this Malverde abomination: God's word, not mine. Was he present with his little flock? In this case it would be a flock of three but I'm not saying this idol is the one they looked to for protection or whatever they'd think idols provide. But protection was nowhere in sight, exactly as God explained. No enlightened understanding, only darkness and some other things best summed up as despair. Not my prognosis: God's.

Anyone can read The Bible. Even if your priest tells you you'll turn into a frog. Baptists read The Bible and Baptists haven't turned into frogs. And in its pages the message about idols is very frequently stated, the consequences of even making one——let alone adoring, venerating, admiring, worshipping, praying to, seeking protection from, muttering at, bowing down to, kissing——are presented as consistently catastrophic.

The presence of darkness, despair and catastrophe suggest an idol shepherd. God is very very clear that He blasts idolators, blasts their children, always in a comprehensive manner BUT He is also kind. Love opened a door for deliverance; all that's needed id to step through.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

San Malverde

‘‘tacky is not the word ’’...

So whazzat, a Burt Reynolds cargo cult or something?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

A Mexican papist idol called San Malverde. Attractive eyebrows. Glad you liked it. Idols, however, will not get you to Heaven. At this stage, you're not going there anyway but it's always possible to accept God's love. He really wants you to love Him so that He can rescue you from torture. Some theologians say there isn't going to be any torture but in that case they'd need to explain why Jesus describes the alternative to loving Him in some detail. As for the moustachioed idol, clearly it was made up not too long ago and praying to it has no immediate effect. God could blast you at once, jets of fire shot down from Heaven are mentioned in The Bible for instance, or simply wait until you touch down at your final destination. Hell. Forever.

II Kings 1:6c, 10c Thus saith the LORD, Is it not because there is not a God in Israel, that thou sendest to enquire of Baal-zebub the god of Ekron? ... And there came down fire from heaven, and consumed him

There are those who say The Bible teaches nonsense, that for example torture is impossible without a nervous system, that turning water into wine requires transmutation of Hydrogen and/or Oxygen into Carbon leaving behind a radiation footprint (not to mention a sizeable crater) —— are you like that?

Turn to Jesus today.

[Isabella White]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

A Mexican papist idol called San Malverde. Attractive eyebrows. Glad you liked it. Idols, however, will not get you to Heaven. At this stage, you're not going there anyway but it's always possible to accept God's love. He really wants you to love Him so that He can rescue you from torture. Some theologians say there isn't going to be any torture but in that case they'd need to explain why Jesus describes the alternative to loving Him in some detail. As for the moustachioed idol, clearly it was made up not too long ago and praying to it has no immediate effect. God could blast you at once, jets of fire shot down from Heaven are mentioned in The Bible for instance, or simply wait until you touch down at your final destination. Hell. Forever.

II Kings 1:6c, 10c Thus saith the LORD, Is it not because there is not a God in Israel, that thou sendest to enquire of Baal-zebub the god of Ekron? ... And there came down fire from heaven, and consumed him

There are those who say The Bible teaches nonsense, that for example torture is impossible without a nervous system, that turning water into wine requires transmutation of Hydrogen and/or Oxygen into Carbon leaving behind a radiation footprint (not to mention a sizeable crater) —— are you like that?

Turn to Jesus today.

Amen, dear Sister Mitza! Oh, what a blessed assurance we have, having faith in the salvation that is given to us -- so freely -- through the blessed of the .

I John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Yes, it is my prayer that Mr. Much will give his life to the , and repent of all sin and wayward living. Certainly, has been knocking at the door to his heart for many a good, long year now!

Revelation 3:20 "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

John 1:1-5, 29-30 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not ... The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world. This is he of whom I said, After me cometh a man which is preferred before me: for he was before me.

what a blessed assurance we have, having faith in the salvation that is given to us -- so freely

Yes; it's a little concerning though that such an idol spoke to our savage quest when I'd thought he was close to appreciating how unimportant earthly lives really are. Living here has a single purpose: to find Christ.

Satan has a different agenda, though. Very different. He got Eve "on message" well before Jesus came to die to set us free. She didn't care about the consequences, all she wanted was to eat that thing. And it must have had a funny effect on her, producing the ability to persuade Adam to dis God.

Jude 1:3-5 Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints. For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ. I will therefore put you in remembrance, though ye once knew this, how that the Lord, having saved the people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed them that believed not.

Satan poisoned Eve, Eve poisoned Adam, Adam poisoned everyone else. Everyone except Jesus. And the reason is simple: to turn Grace into lasciviousness falsehood needed to creep in unawares, dripping like venom from the mouths of deceivers persuading anyone dumb enough to obsess over idols. Prayer becomes a public display. This idol offers a good example; I won't post any pictures but 3 links will demonstrate what I mean well enough.

https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ngwjYc2ob...0/malverde.jpg
Here you can see closer up the dress style suggesting a date for the origin of San Malverde.

https://www.elsiglodetorreon.com.mx/...06/400988.jpeg
The method of worship appears to be by hanging gold chains around the neck or head. Note the hat.

Satan is always coming up with trick questions. One of them (perhaps you've heard it before?) is, “Why if innocent blood is needed for the remission of sin did God not make Eve pregnant and murder that?” That is monumentally ignorant. Right there in The New Testament it's explained:

I Peter 1:18-23 Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot: Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you, Who by him do believe in God, that raised him up from the dead, and gave him glory; that your faith and hope might be in God. Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently: being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.

If indeed a baby produced by Eve, sired by The Holy Ghost, had been murdered so that God could overlook sin (other than people who thought the whole concept was ridiculous) would there have been vain traditions received from forefathers to follow into error? (Here again, for those regarding the whole adventure as repugnant and something to avoid at all costs, they wouldn't have been following anything anywhere.) But more importantly, when Jesus turned up several thousand years later, what would people say? “Sorry mate, job done,” or, “Too late buddy, sling yer 'ook.” There would still be sinners around, those rejecting God's love just as there are now. They'd be rejecting a different sacrifice, one made at the earliest date, but essentially the same thing namely, a child born from a virgin [Eve] fathered by God [The Holy Ghost] and therefore not contaminated by whatever Adam would have contributed to the process. BUT THIS OVERLOOKS ONE IMPORTANT FACT. Jesus was ordained before the foundation of the world, regardless of what Adam and Eve got up to, and since through Him all things were made, would He really have set up a competitor so long before He arrived enabling entrenched followers to adopt alternative methods of Salvation? They'd be lies of course but that never put anyone off.

https://images.vice.com/vice/images/...1431913372.jpg
Prayer. Is this how Jesus asked us to pray? Check out the bottles; I have no idea what they contained but I certainly won't be looking for some to try out.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

Dearest Brother Lukes,

If the problem teenager is indeed under the age of 18 and an illegal, she is not bound by US law correct? Every child is set straight with the use of the old fashioned belt whoopin. Have you tried using this to get her to go away? Odds are she won’t report you to the police since she’s one of them illegals.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

Dearest Brother Lukes,

If the problem teenager is indeed under the age of 18 and an illegal, she is not bound by US law correct? Every child is set straight with the use of the old fashioned belt whoopin. Have you tried using this to get her to go away? Odds are she won’t report you to the police since she’s one of them illegals.

I certainly would've considered this if she wasn't already in jail. But if not for the boy with her and the fact that she was pregnant, I probably would've offered her a job. I know for a fact that young undocumented Latina maids can take a Biblically-sanctioned beating with a belt and still finish the next 13 hours of their shift without calling the cops. They're so scared of getting deported back to Tacoland they won't call 911 even if they witness or are subjected to various felonies. I mean, I assume they wouldn't.

[Blanche_Locke]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

A Mexican papist idol called San Malverde. Attractive eyebrows. Glad you liked it.

The eyebrows have it.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

Thank you for noticing "it" which I strongly suspect to be a "monobrow" with a little shaved out from the middle.

I Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

[AkiraK]

Re: Need help getting rid of troublesome pregnant teen

Dearest Brother Lukes,

If the problem teenager is indeed under the age of 18 and an illegal, she is not bound by US law correct? Every child is set straight with the use of the old fashioned belt whoopin.

technically, if you are in america, you're automatically bound by american law. which means that you yourself could get arrested for hitting a child with a belt on an assault and/or attempted murder charge.