Which pillowcase?

[Thumpin'BrotherWill]

Help me TRUE BELIEVERS!
The time is nearly upon us once again! Little Jeremiah was bornd last month (lucky number 28!) and my fellow soldier in battle against the unrighteous is about to be visited by SATAN'S monthly torment again. Now as we goodly Christian men know, that to prevent an abortion of a possible child as some would have us believe is just a natural part of being a sin filled temptress, is to get her with child once again. However, it is becoming more difficult with each addition to God's Holy Army to do my manly deed. To remind ourselves that what we do is FOR THE LORD!! and not ourselves, I decided (yes, my law is just under HIS in my house) that she would from now on wear a pillowcase as we fulfill our work. Here is the problem, my pillowcase has Loving Sinner-crushing Jesus embroidered upon it, while hers has ever Virginal Mother Mary. Which should I use? If I use the Jesus pillowcase, it would be like commitin' unGODly homo act as I stare into HIS eyes. If I use the the Mary pillowcase I would be destroying her virginal purity as I plow with MY Holy Cross. Which should I use? We must use either one as I must remind myself that in committin' this ORIGINAL SIN, I do so for the Lord and not because of her ever diminished Jezebel temptations. PRAISE JESUS!! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

[Mr. Seth Cochran]

Re: Which pillowcase?

...hers has ever Virginal Mother Mary.

Are you a damned Cathyolick? I say you better quit worrying about the small stuff and get back to making True Christian(tm) soldiers for Christ.

[Thumpin'BrotherWill]

Re: Which pillowcase?

NOOOOOO! Never would I be a part of the papist cult. However the problem still stands, as Mary was Joseph's wife I would be guilty of coveting another man's wife. My head is filled with fear of UNENDING HELLFIRE! no matter how I decide. PRAISE JESUS! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

[Nobar King]

Re: Which pillowcase?

I think you should be more worried about the dust-mites and bed bugs in your pillows.


These verses should provide some insight:

Exodus 8:


16 And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
17 And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became lice in man, and in beast; all the dust of the land became lice throughout all the land of Egypt.
18 And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth lice, but they could not: so there were lice upon man, and upon beast.
19 Then the magicians said unto Pharaoh, This is the finger of God: and Pharaoh's heart was hardened, and he hearkened not unto them; as the LORD had said.

This is the Lord's curse against the ancient Pharaohs, but it is just as applicable today. Cast out those mites and buy new pillows for your holy bed!!

[Mr. Seth Cochran]

Re: Which pillowcase?

Why do you even need a pillowcase? Is that some kind of weird fetish?

[Thumpin'BrotherWill]

Re: Which pillowcase?

What is a fetish?
PRAISE JESUS! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

[Mr. Seth Cochran]

Re: Which pillowcase?

What is a fetish?
PRAISE JESUS! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

It's like a thing that you...see, you have this...it's kind of like a...just tell me why you need the pillow case to make little soldiers.

[Thumpin'BrotherWill]

Re: Which pillowcase?

Again it is so as I am FORCED to commit ORIGINAL! SIN! that I am reminded that I do so in HIS! name, and not due to my wife's Jezebel charms as little as though they may be. I chose her for being a good Christian woman, respectful, obedient, homely, quiet, and GOD fearing. She has become more homely as she has bore our little soldiers of Jesus, but still inside every women there lies that 1st temptation that had US all thrown from paradise. I am wary of that temptation and can no longer, chance that my eyes would open during the act of preventing natural abortion.
PRAISE JESUS! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

[Mr. Seth Cochran]

Re: Which pillowcase?

Again it is so as I am FORCED to commit ORIGINAL! SIN! that I am reminded that I do so in HIS! name, and not due to my wife's Jezebel charms as little as though they may be. I chose her for being a good Christian woman, respectful, obedient, homely, quiet, and GOD fearing. She has become more homely as she has bore our little soldiers of Jesus, but still inside every women there lies that 1st temptation that had US all thrown from paradise. I am wary of that temptation and can no longer, chance that my eyes would open during the act of preventing natural abortion.
PRAISE JESUS! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

So, you want to cover up your head? Why not just get a blank pillow case? White as snow

[Thumpin'BrotherWill]

Re: Which pillowcase?

Her head! She is the foul temptress, not I! She is the one who has at times taken off the burlap dressing gown and attempted to enter into my bed (she was mightily whomped with the GOD stick for it too I might add). SHE! is the one who carries the SIN after which I must not lust after. Not I! Not I! PRAISE JESUS! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

[Mr. Seth Cochran]

Re: Which pillowcase?

Her head! She is the foul temptress, not I! She is the one who has at times taken off the burlap dressing gown and attempted to enter into my bed (she was mightily whomped with the GOD stick for it too I might add). SHE! is the one who carries the SIN after which I must not lust after. Not I! Not I! PRAISE JESUS! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

Are you sure that your wife is a True Christian™? She doesn't sound too submissive to me...

If she's bad enough to need a pillow case on her head, I'd put one on your head too, just in case hers falls off.

[Thumpin'BrotherWill]

Re: Which pillowcase?

PRAISE BE!! Thank you Unrepentant Tool! You have warned me against a possible falling from grace!! I asked my heathen wife about the "fetish" you mentioned. After much avoidance she admitted that a fetish was an object used in witchcraft as being a holding place for a spirit and held in awe of magical powers. I have now whomped her soundly with the God stick, for her knowledge of witchcraft. You have named yourself well as an able tool in the hands of the LORD! Stay unrepentant in your faith, even though we are beset upon all sides by VILLAINY and WICKEDNESS! I will remain strong in my faith! The wickedness in the female heart hast been laid plain again this night. Knowledge of witchcraft in God's and my house, how shall I proceed? Each of my loins seed shall have a whomp upon the blasphemer in our midst from Lot at 21 years down to newborn Jeb (for G.W.Bush's Holy Anointed brother, if only he had seen the way to the White House this election! Palin although still a Jesus warrior is too comely and how would she find the time to nuke the hippie commie pinkos if she is to raise the kids in Jesus's Holy Light and still cook the dinner for her husband and rub his feet at night after he has worked all day?) After the proscribed whompings, what then, and still the question of which pillowcase to use remains on my mind!
Praise Jesus! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

[Mr. Seth Cochran]

Re: Which pillowcase?

PRAISE BE!! Thank you Unrepentant Tool! You have warned me against a possible falling from grace!! I asked my heathen wife about the "fetish" you mentioned. After much avoidance she admitted that a fetish was an object used in witchcraft as being a holding place for a spirit and held in awe of magical powers. I have now whomped her soundly with the God stick, for her knowledge of witchcraft. You have named yourself well as an able tool in the hands of the LORD! Stay unrepentant in your faith, even though we are beset upon all sides by VILLAINY and WICKEDNESS! I will remain strong in my faith! The wickedness in the female heart hast been laid plain again this night. Knowledge of witchcraft in God's and my house, how shall I proceed? Each of my loins seed shall have a whomp upon the blasphemer in our midst from Lot at 21 years down to newborn Jeb (for G.W.Bush's Holy Anointed brother, if only he had seen the way to the White House this election! Palin although still a Jesus warrior is too comely and how would she find the time to nuke the hippie commie pinkos if she is to raise the kids in Jesus's Holy Light and still cook the dinner for her husband and rub his feet at night after he has worked all day?) After the proscribed whompings, what then, and still the question of which pillowcase to use remains on my mind!
Praise Jesus! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

Praise Jesus! Glad to be of service to Christ. And you make a good point about Sarah Palin. Please get your punctuation and capitalization correct. It's a burden just reading your posts! If your wife knows so much about witchcraft, and she is so unsubmissive, I'd continue beating her. She'll get the point eventually. I'd get a blank pillowcase...or better yet, a burlap sack...or better yet, a trash bag (for her only, of course).

In Christ,

Unrepentant Tool

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: Which pillowcase?

I have now whomped her soundly with the God stick

God stick! "You shall have NO other gods before me" I certainly hope you are not worshipping a god stick?

and still the question of which pillowcase to use remains on my mind!
Praise Jesus! Yours in Christ, Thumpin' Brother Will

If the images on your pillowcase offend you or God, don't use them! Have you tried a plastic bag?

[Thumpin'BrotherWill]

Re: Which pillowcase?

AHHH! I am humbled by your wisdom in God's ways, Brother Ebenezer, I meant God's Stick. I am but HIS humble servant seeking to carry out HIS will. Perhaps you could lend light on another question that been raised in this turmoil - Would use of the Malleus Maleficarum be useful in this instance?
Praise Jesus! Yours in Christ Thumpin' Brother Will