Confused?

[Hawk]

Hi,

I am wondering how you guys were guaranteeing salvation since 1620 if your country has not even existed??

[Nobar King]

Re: Confused?

Is this thread going to end up being a long list of things you are confused about?

[Hawk]

Re: Confused?

Is this thread going to end up being a long list of things you are confused about?

Why would you ask this, should it be a long list?
This tickles me, maybe I should look deeper!

Thx

Do you have any explanations or are you going to use questions for answers?

[Nobar King]

Re: Confused?

Would you prefer questions for answers?

[Hawk]

Re: Confused?

Would you prefer questions for answers?

Well if the best you can do is answer me with a question I assume you do not know the answer and I recommend you do not waste your time!

In the norm, a question seeks an answer!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: Confused?

Um, because there were SETTLERS here who founded churches such as Landover Baptist when this was still just a British colony? People didn't just move into the USA when we became independent...

[Hawk]

Re: Confused?

Um, because there were SETTLERS here who founded churches such as Landover Baptist when this was still just a British colony? People didn't just move into the USA when we became independent...

If you really think Landover Baptist Church existed in 1620, can you show me its history!
Who was the SETTLER who founded this Church?
If you have any proof, please state it, otherwise I will take your statement only as a misinformed remark!
In fact, I would really like some info on the history of this Church other than what is written on this website!

Thanks

[Nate River]

Hawk, this should answer all your questions.

Landover Baptist

[Meek and Humble]

Re: Confused?

You are one cheeky reprobate coming onto our Godly website and demanding we give you information. If you're too lazy to do any research yourself, you shall remain ignorant!

[Billy Ram]

Hawk, this should answer all your questions.
Landover Baptist

The article warns of the Pit Of Hell, spreading falsehoods will lead to an eternity of Demon Anal Rape. Nate, you don't want that do you? I didn't think so.

[Hawk]

Hawk, this should answer all your questions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church

Interesting, it now makes all sense! What a sad way to waste your time, but at the end of the day the Word of God is powerful and might actually have a strong influence on their soul. So does the work of the master deceiver made easy by those who are really naive and unfortunately lost or really banned for eternity!
In the Name of Jesus Christ the Almighty I rebuke all demons who makes use of this site to deceive innocent people and that all who read this post will be cleansed by the Blood of Jesus NOW!!!! Amen! and that this will be to glorify God and that all will know that the power in these words comes from Jesus Christ, Yashua!

IN THE NAME OF JESUS WE WILL LIVE AND NOT DIE!!

[Billy Ram]

Re: Confused?

Yashua? Did you sneeze? Bless You.

[Nobar King]

Re: Confused?

You certainly are confused, dear.

Had you bothered to read the introductory threads you are EXPECTED to read when you join, your idiotic question would be already answered.

I'll copy a relevant section for you, since you're obviously too lazy to look for the answers yourself.

• Do you think we are a parody?

Perhaps you've heard that we are a joke, satire or parody, and you came to our site for a few cheap laughs or "lulz", only to find people taking everything seriously. So now you have decided to be the first to "spill the beans" and let everyone in on your "knowledge". Friend, this has been done so many times that it isn't funny any more.

When an Atheist loses a debate to a fundamentalist Christian, it is a common tactic to accuse the Christian of being a parody. The Atheist is so full of pride, that he cannot imagine being outsmarted by a dumb God-Believer, so he thinks the Christian must be an Atheist like himself who is only pretending to be Christian. This is known as Tabor's Law.

Our situation is not helped by the fact that there is some atheist satirist who does an impression of our Pastor Deacon Fred at atheist conventions. People hear about him and start rumors that they are the same person and that the real Landover Baptist Church is also just a joke. Some Atheists go so far as to vandalize our church's Wikipedia page to say that we are a satire.

Here is a link to the version of the Landover Baptist Wikipedia article before the vandals got a hold of it.

[Hawk]

Re: Confused?

You certainly are confused, dear.

Had you bothered to read the introductory threads you are EXPECTED to read when you join, your idiotic question would be already answered.

I'll copy a relevant section for you, since you're obviously too lazy to look for the answers yourself.

I asked a very humble question about what you advertise on your banner and what happened? I get no answer that refers to my question about the 1620 issue and an infraction by the so called pastor ezekiel saying I am spewing hatred and falsehood?
This is my message i got from pastor ezekiel:
Listen boy, we are not interested in why you can't wrap your unsaved foreign brain around the truth of Christ. We do not tolerate fools here on God's favorite forum, so your time here is going to be quite short if you continue to spew hatred and falsehoods. Any further attempt at spreading lies about our Church or about God's Holy Word will result in a loss of posting privileges.
What kind of pastor talks like this? I am probably 3 times his age and I get talked as if I am a kid? I have never met a pastor who treats a person in such a manner, and if this church was truly Jesus's favourite church I would expect its pastors to treat people more like Jesus would and with respect!
It is this kind of treatment that caused your negative review on wiki, because like me many other Christians who enter this site get the feeling something is off and that there is an underlying agenda which is not exposed to the general members of this site.
How can you prove that this site is not a fake and not just a mean to make money from innocent peoples tithes, without being upnoxious and giving me info from this site which could have been written by anyone at any time.
You claim to be God's favourite church, how on earth do you get that idea? God is righteous and do not prefer certain people over others, that would be a human conclusion, if you can show me where in the Bible God says that Landover Baptist church is His favourite then I will have no problem to believe you, but I think you are going to have a huge problem finding it!
People, these thoughts go through many of the people that comes to this site and if you are genuine you would have no problem answering me, but if I am going to get these infractions again, I will be sure that my suspicions are correct.
Infractions does more harm to your ministry than good and it does absolutely nothing to my wellbeing, my life goes on and I do not even get upset, it just tells me what kind of people you really are!

Have a wonderful day!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Confused?

Interesting, it now makes all sense!

Yes, many people who come here ARE confused. You seem a bit confused too, but I will try to help you.

We don't threaten and we don't lie about the Bible. If you think the bible isn't God's word, you haven't read it. If you DO think it is God's word, you are not living it and you are spitting in JESUS' face. GOD isn't who YOU want Him to be. GOD "IS" Who He is and He doesn't need a can of spinach or a toke on a 'joint' to make him powerful. It's your job to be who GOD wants you to be or face the consequences for eternity. It's not up to us to make you.

You can call us a parody or a joke, and a lot of people do. And they call Pastor Fred Phelps one because he says right up front that God hates fags. But he's wrong. God doesn't hate fags. GOD hates that they go against nature and GOD proclaims that they must be put to death. God also says that disobedient children and women who 'play the whore' should be put to death.
Let me be clear. We don't sell anything here and we never asked you for any money. We teach the Bible by what it says, not by what we would like it to say. We have been online for ten years, 24/7/365 and this is GOD'S truth. Our Pastors are ORDAINED pastors. We aren't a bunch of hooligans. We all have advanced degrees and we can all write clearly and knowledgeably. We don't bother deleting posts that make crazy accusations, because a righteous man will know the difference.

For instance...do you think the way atheists might run a parody or a joke website is to learn the Bible by heart and then become ordained....and then start a website AT THEIR OWN EXPENSE to teach the Bible to people? Doesn't that seem a little backward? Atheists and qweers who are doomed to HELL wouldn't waste their time and money QUOTING SCRIPTURE AND TEACHING THE BIBLE! Do you think hundreds of people maintain and serve JESUS through us from all over the world as a joke? Do you think fifteen pastors watch over thirty+ pastors-in training who are required to come here and to listen to abuse from illiterate fools day and night for a minimum of a year to learn patience AS A JOKE? Ten years and over a million dollars is not all that funny.

If this were a joke, the joke would be on US for using TEN YEARS of our time and money converting sinners to Christ! What would be the point of that, Hawk? What would be the joke? Do you think dealing with people like you day and night is funny somehow? It isn't. It's hell on earth, Rob. We willingly go through hell on earth so not everyone will have to spend eternity there.

Sure, I can read what the wiki says and every time we correct it the atheists go change it again. We can't stop them. SATAN gets dominion over the earth in the End Times. You believe what you want. GOD granted you freedom of choice. If you want to believe the atheists over the Bible, go ahead. I suppose you think we have wasted all of our lives just in case maybe one day your dumb ass might fall in here accidentally?

Do you think JESUS is some hippie who is going to return to plant apple seeds? He will return to start Armageddon and we shall be His army.

Matt 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Matt 12:30 He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.

Matt 25:41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

Mark 6:11 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when ye depart thence, shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgment, than for that city.

John 3:36 He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.

Insofar as you demanding respect, you do not deserve it.

Proverbs 28:21
"To have respect of persons is not good."

You wanted to know why we are GOD's anointed. Simple. We follow His rules.

In Matthew 5:34-37 Jesus forbids the taking of any kind of oath. Yet Christians in courtrooms throughout the United States place their right hand on the Bible swear to tell the truth. WE DON'T!

In Matthew 19:18 Jesus lists the "ten commandments," but his list has only six, and the sixth is not one of the ten. The commandments given by Jesus are secular, not religious, in nature. WE KNOW WHY!

People argue with us and insist that goths are just like everyone else, but WE KNOW BETTER! In 2 Kings 19:35 An "angel of the Lord" kills 185,000 men while they sleep. "And when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses." And that's where goths come from and why they are obsessed with SATAN and death.

Oh, but then you wanted PROOF! Well, there is an invisible verse in the Book of Numbers. Many people have read it yet they have not actually seen it at all. You would never see it yourself unless we revealed it to you. I am going to do that now.

Numbers 12:16 applied only twice. The first time to Moses. Since 1611 it has applied exclusively to us. "If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD will ... speak unto him in a dream." That is how we could predict Obama's election in 2006. A YEAR before he ran for the office. But we did and we can prove it. That is why we know the fate of the world before it happens. That is why the title of TRUE CHRISTIAN™ is given exclusively unto us.