[Witch Hammer]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

That is quite the fantasy... Have you ever, um, spoken to a professional about this?

Try keeping your mind out of the gutter, fornicatress!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

That is quite the fantasy... Have you ever, um, spoken to a professional about this?

Of course.

I have spent countless hours in heated encounters with Pastor Ezekiel, trying to get a good grip on masturbating.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

I imagine Jesus, kneeling by the side of some masturbator's bed, praying for the ***child's*** salvation only to be hit time and time again in the face with the young mans God Seed©.
All day long, over and over, that disgusting thick and rigid hunk of man meat, being rubbed until it is raw, that crescendo of ecstasy [...]

That is quite the fantasy... Have you ever, um, spoken to a professional about this?

[James Hutchins]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

I imagine Jesus, kneeling by the side of some masturbators brd, praying for the child's salvation only to be hit time and time again in the face with the young mans God Seed(c).
All day long, over and over, that disgusting thick and rigid hunk of man meat, being rubbed until it is raw, that crescendo of ecstasy that God intended to signal as a point where the disgusting sexual relations act can end until it is time for a female to become repregnated.
You know, Jesus can hear the thousands of tiny babies in Man Seed screaming as they die.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

Don't you understand anything, harlot? He weeps bitterly as he leers at you frenetically manipulating your unclean zone to multiple instances of arrival, whilst no doubt shouting His name as you disgrace the very air about you with your lewd tongue gyrations.

Oh man, those were the days! *Nostalgic sigh*

[Brother Tobias]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

Jesus do not like to watch. He is everywhere.

Proverbs 15:3
The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

So... What kind of masturbation does Jesus like to watch, exactly? With toys, without? Mutual? I'm asking for a friend.

Wait, does watching a dude masturbate make Jesus gay? Or is it only gay if he likes it? (Has this been addressed already in this thread?)

Don't you understand anything, harlot? He weeps bitterly as he leers at you frenetically manipulating your unclean zone to multiple instances of arrival, whilst no doubt shouting His name as you disgrace the very air about you with your lewd tongue gyrations.

I think Jesus has suffered enough for our sakes, why would you want to shovel more grief upon Him?

[WickedWitch]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

So... What kind of masturbation does Jesus like to watch, exactly? With toys, without? Mutual? I'm asking for a friend.

Wait, does watching a dude masturbate make Jesus gay? Or is it only gay if he likes it? (Has this been addressed already in this thread?)

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

Just sitting here munching on popcorn watching things unfurl in front of me.

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.

[angel_of_light]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

Just sitting here munching on popcorn watching things unfurl in front of me.

[worshiper29]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

But He has to do it so He has all of the facts at hand when He judges you on Judgment Day.

Exactly! Just as every maneuver of their evil hand manipulating their genitals up and down, stores up more judgments!

[WWJDnow]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

How exactly is "Jesus is watching you masturbate" supposed to be good in any way, shape, or form?

It isn't good, unless knowing that Jesus is watching shames you into leading a better life. Jesus hates the fact that He has to watch you masturbate. But He has to do it so He has all of the facts at hand when He judges you on Judgment Day. He couldn't risk getting it wrong and sending a non-masturbator to Hell for Onanism.

[Brother Jessup]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

I agree, it proves that Jesus is a disgusting pervert

Blasphemy will not be tolerated on this forum! How does it feel like knowing that you're eternal soul is damned?

Matthew 25:46

The Honorable Brother Jessup T. Lloyd, Esq. has spoken…….Amen!

[DemonThinker96]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

How exactly is "Jesus is watching you masturbate" supposed to be good in any way, shape, or form?

I agree, it proves that Jesus is a disgusting pervert

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate

How exactly is "Jesus is watching you masturbate" supposed to be good in any way, shape, or form?

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.