How long shall I rejoice?

[Smiter of Evildoers]

As I was reading my Bible today, I was told by GOD through the writings of St. Matthew to "rejoice and be exceedingly glad." As an obedient servant of the LORD, I began to rejoice immediately (which I interpret to be much like frolicing, only a bit more gleeful), when suddenly I received a phone call from my elderly aunt who told me her neighbor has just left her marriage of 56 years to become a homosexual! At that moment I was very confused--I wanted to cease all rejoicing lest it appear that I condone this sinful neighbor, but would that be disobeying the LORD, who had just commanded me to "rejoice and be exceedingly glad"? How long should such rejoicing continue, and are there circumstances in which the rejoicing can be put on hold?

Thank you for your wisdom, Brothers and Sisters!
~Smiter of Evildoers~

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

You're supposed to rejoice in the Lord, not some wrinkled up old lezbean.

You aren't really a Christian, are you.

[Smiter of Evildoers]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

Pastor Ezekiel,
I am nothing if not a humble servant of CHRIST. I resent the implication that I have any association with unGODly sinner scum!

[William Snodgrass]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

Don't resent it. You best accept it. When a pastor rebukes a man, he knows what he's talking about. Have you ever read Romans 13? It says right there in verse 2 that you'll go to hell for resisting a pastors authority. Be careful.

[Smiter of Evildoers]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

Mr. Snodgrass,
I am rather impressed that you can read. Truly the LORD has blessed you with more intelligence than it seems.

Of course I am familiar with Romans 13. I am worried, however, that the good Pastor Ezekiel may be straying wayward in his attempt to make predictions about me, seeing that fortune telling, divination, and soothseeing are all clearly banned in Deuteronomy 18, as I'm sure you are aware. I pray for his soul.

Thank you for your efforts to help me stay true to the path of CHRIST, but I'm sure you can now see that I have GODly reasons for my insubordinate-seeming words.

Praise!
~Smiter~

[William Snodgrass]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

Demon!! Get thee hence, Satan! How dare you accuse a PASTOR of defying God's laws?! That's an insult to Jesus! Do you really think that Jesus would have ordained Pastor Ezekiel to be a pastor if He knew Pastor Ezekiel was going to use witchcraft? Are you honestly that stupid? Pastor Ezekiel gets his insight from Jesus by letting Jesus do the thinking for him, LIKE YOU SHOULD BE. With the all-knowing savior of the planet thinking for him, people like YOU have NO RIGHT to accuse him of such things. Insubordinate-seeming...ya right. You're nothing but a sinner sent here by your master SATAN to cause trouble and provoke infighting. SHOO, Demon!

[JennyD]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

Demon!! Get thee hence, Satan! How dare you accuse a PASTOR of defying God's laws?! That's an insult to Jesus! Do you really think that Jesus would have ordained Pastor Ezekiel to be a pastor if He knew Pastor Ezekiel was going to use witchcraft? Are you honestly that stupid? Pastor Ezekiel gets his insight from Jesus by letting Jesus do the thinking for him, LIKE YOU SHOULD BE. With the all-knowing savior of the planet thinking for him, people like YOU have NO RIGHT to accuse him of such things. Insubordinate-seeming...ya right. You're nothing but a sinner sent here by your master SATAN to cause trouble and provoke infighting. SHOO, Demon!

Sir, it's refreshing to see a gentleman as handsome as you who is also so very Godly!

Tell me how much you love Jesus, won't you? And when it was that you first felt His white-hot Love filling you, deep inside?

[William Snodgrass]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

Well thank you, Ms. Jenny. I'm just trying to be the best Christian I can be. If Jesus decides to bless me with good looks, I'll be sure to thank him for that too. There just ain't words for what me and Jesus have. I've been with him since I was about 8 years old. I was a little hellion and it took several months of beatings to get the hell outta me but now I thank my daddy for the beatings he gave me cause it saved my soul. The preacher at the church I went to was preaching extra hard the day I got saved. He came down off the platform and was screaming and hollerin about how unsaved people is going to hell. He looked at me and screamed "Are you saved boy?!" and I dropped to my knees right there and gave my heart to Jesus. I've never asked Jesus for it back since then. What me and Jesus have together is so great, it just don't make sense to give it up for nothing in this world. You'd have to be just plain dense or a sinner to think of that.

[Smiter of Evildoers]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

Brothers and Sisters,
I am verily sorry for my sins. I now realize the errors of my ways and see that I was overcome by the forces of Satan as I wrote those thoughtless words. I shall now begin a 10-day fast to purify my soul.

Thank you for your loving correction.

Smiter

[William Snodgrass]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

About time you got your hell bound head on straight.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How long shall I rejoice?

Brothers and Sisters,
I am verily sorry for my sins. I now realize the errors of my ways and see that I was overcome by the forces of Satan as I wrote those thoughtless words. I shall now begin a 10-day fast to purify my soul.

Thank you for your loving correction.

Smiter

What are you, one of those hindoo idiots? Where does it say you should fast for 10 days in the Holy Bible?

I'm gonna go have another slice of that blueberry pie sister Thumper sent over.