Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Recently my son Bobby has expressed intrest of playing football when Spring rolls around.

At first I was going to say yes because it sounded like a good old-fashioned Christian sport that all normal children play, until I heard that in the game, sometimes the players can end up in a filthy position called "the doggie-pile."


I don't want Bobby getting any homosexualar tendancies. What should I do?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Recently my son Bobby has expressed intrest of playing football when Spring rolls around.

At first I was going to say yes because it sounded like a good old-fashioned Christian sport that all normal children play, until I heard that in the game, sometimes the players can end up in a filthy position called "the doggie-pile."


I don't want Bobby getting any homosexualar tendancies. What should I do?

Are trying to tell me that you send your children to secular schools? Do you actually WANT them to be indoctrinated by jews and encouraged to sodomize each other?

Your boy needs to get busy chopping wood or other manly activities like shooting random animals. Has he memorized the Bible yet?

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Shooting random animals is already one of his favourite passtimes. Rabbits are his favourite

Perhaps I will tell him that I will not let play any sports with the word "ball" in them. Another hidden Satanic message!


And yes, he is on his 3rd time memorizing!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

And yes, he is on his 3rd time memorizing!

Not a very bright boy, is he?

Most people memorize things one time.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

To be fare, if his son is truly on the path to Salvation (which is questionable, based on what we've seen so far), then perhaps he is merely delving more deeply into Scripture. I know that every time I read the Bible, I find some new tidbit that God has revealed to me -- perhaps God is revealing more Truths with each memorization?

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Well, it breaks my Godly heart to say this, but little Bobby is no longer with us. He was a Satanic disgrace to the entire Green family with his prissy talks of having a bunch of sweaty boys on top of him! Gross! He was out secretly practicing his "footballing" (which I'm sure was slang for an unspeakable act) And a ton of rocks came upon him killing him instantly.

Now, now, I'm certain the rocks came from nowhere and was GOD's will to put an end to my heathen son (Good Riddance). So lets have no accusations of "Rev. Green doing it with the Stones in the Backyard."

Afterall it isn't murder if GOD tells you to do it!

Glory!

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Praise Jesus, another rebellious son has met his Maker! He'll have plenty of time to be "dogpiled" by Satan now!

[sephy26946]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Football is harmless fun.

[SUV]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Where did that Handsome Brother (and so athletic!) Carlton Green go? I was just fixing to invite him to my Tupperware Party!

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Not a very bright boy, is he?

Most people memorize things one time.

/ .

[Homertard]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Football? Godly sport or homer delight?

Acutally, I always thought it was boring, like most sports.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Football. GODLY sport? Or homer delight?

Football is an unGodly practice forbidden by the Bible, and not just because of the tight pants:

Deuteronomy 14:8
And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase.

As you well know, the ball used in the game is known traditionally made from pigskin, which God has declared unclean and barred us from touching. Even synthetic footballs are Satanic, I think—surely it is no less of a sin to pretend to touch pig flesh that to actually touch it!